An Epidemic Of Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged white guy to younger black woman: Just leave them a message that's like "I woke up from my coma, don't worry. Not that you were worried anyway."

–Nederlander Theater

Overheard by: julia

Girl to friend: Everything was fine until I found out about the warts.

–Broadway & Waverly

Man to friends: All I know is that I was leaving town the next day, so I told her to take some Pepto-Bismol or Robitussin or whatever because I was gettin' some that night for sure!

–Bodega, 22nd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Doug Tischler

Teenage black girl, within a group of friends: Them kids with autism, they be havin' mad skills!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: r. faith

Male yuppie: If she comes back with cold sores, I'll know who to go to.

–San Domenico Restaurant, East 26th St

Girl: Rabies is my biggest enemy.

–Bellerose, Queens

Posted on August 13, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penn Station, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, The Village, Theater, Threats, White People, Yuppies

Animal, Wednesday One-Liner, or Mineral?

Man trying on hat: Hey! Do I look like John Wayne in this hat? Watch out, pilgrim! I'm planting roses!

–Botanical Garden

Girl to friend: I need a twig or a leaf or an herb or somethin'.

–C Train

White guy on cell: It's the goddamn Cherry Blossom Festival… so get your ass out here.

–Outside Brooklyn Botanical Garden

Maintenance worker to another: Oh, come on! It's not working now. Let's try plugging it into the tree.

–42 St & 2nd Ave

Flower vendor: Shut up nigga, I'll slap you! Fresh roses!

–7th Ave & 26th

Overheard by: Todd

Posted on August 13, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coworkers, Friends, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Threats, Trees and plants, Vendors & Street Performers, White People

And You Know I'm Limber Enough to Do It

(drunk guy attempts to do a split in the middle of the train car)
Woman: Oh wow, that's much better than I could've done.
Drunk guy: I will kill you.

–R Train

Overheard by: jangbang

Posted on August 5, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Guys, Murder, On the Subway, Threats, Weirdness, Women

They Have Nothing to Lose and They're Not Afraid to Die

Crazy guy: I don't give a fuck! I'll fight all ya'll muthafuckas! I'm from Brooklyn East New York, nigga! I'll fuck up every muthafucka in here…
Old guy: Bitch, you step on my shoe! I'll take my belt off and beat your ass with it! Look at my hair- it's grey! You don't talk to me like that, I beat your ass!
Crazy guy: Uhh… I don't fight old people–that's bad luck. (awkwardly exits car)

–1 Train

Posted on August 3, 2008
Crazies, Crazy, Default, Guys, Insults, Old People, On the Subway, Threats, Weirdness

Didn't Turn Out Too Poorly for Marco Polo

Three-year-old: But mom…
Sunburnt mom: We'll put you in the toilet bowl and flush ya! We'll send you to china! Where all those people need a family now!
Three-year-old: Nooooo!

–Greenpoint

Posted on July 31, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, History & Geography, Kids, Moms, Threats, Weirdness

Have You Ever Read Wednesday One-Liners… on Weed?

Man on cell: Do you have any (quieter and mumbled) bagms? (pause, more intense) Do you have any (mumbled)? (one word at a time) Weed! Weed! Do you have any weeeed? (pause) No? Nothing? Well you're not much of a drug dealer then, are you?

–77th St & 3rd Ave, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: fet

Hipster: …becoming a teacher and then getting arrested for marijuana possession in South Korea.

–L Train

Overheard by: paola

Boy running by: They're playing frisbee! I have to roll a joint!

–Pratt Institute

Teenage girl to guy with long hair and long beard in a tie-dye shirt: You look like you could be some kind of famous stoner.

–L Train

Mother to seven-year-old son (angrily): Don't you ever tell anyone else at school that I smoke marijuana! I'll go to jail and you'll be dead! (suddenly calm) It is, however, something I personally believe people should have a right to do.

–M102 Bus

Posted on July 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Education, Global Geography, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Stoners, Threats, Weed

The Family Circus You Never Saw.

15-year-old girl to little brother: Do you understand? This is not a joke. If you smear poop on my computer, I will shit in your bed every day for the next two weeks.
Little brother: Yes, I'm sorry.

–Central Park Bench

Posted on July 29, 2008
Boys, Brothers, Central Park, Computer, Default, Girls, Kids, Poop, Sisters, Teens, Threats

My Webcam Tested Negative

Girl: Did you use a condom?
Boy: Nope.
Girl: You’re going to get an STD!
Boy: No, I'm not. It's okay.
Girl: That's what you said last time!

–Union Square

Posted on July 29, 2008
Advice, Boys, Condoms, Default, Girls, Questions, STDs, Threats, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Are Down, but Not Out

Hobo with two jars in front of him: Food or drugs! Choose whether you’d like to sponsor my evening shot or dinner!

–Central Park

Homeless man: Hey, bindi-a, lookin’ good today! (Indian girl ignores his comment, begins to walk away). Fine! When you get mugged, I’m not helping you!

–Washington Square Park

Enterprising lady hobo: You could use your credit card to get cash, and give me the cash.

–Outside Dunkin’ Donuts, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Panhandling hobo: Spare some change for a large bottle of water and a nice Chef salad? Spare some change for bottled water and salad?

–Broadway & 10th St

Hobo: Hey lemme borrow those red Converse! I’ve got a hot date with Monica Lewinsky tonight!

–14th & 6th

Hobo to another: "You’re gonna turn me into a waffle?" That’s what she told me, you said! A waffle? Oh no, I don’t think so!

–23rd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: sara

Crazy hobo: Watch out for traffic and knuckleheads! Beware! (points at random pedestrian) Him! He’s a knucklehead! Don’t trust him!

–5th Ave & 49th St

Posted on July 23, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Crazies, Crazy, Dating, Drugs, Fears, Food, Hobos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Questions, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Washington Square Park, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Totally Moved There Before It Was Cool

Bearded guy to female friend: I went to Williamsburg and was like: "Who *are* all these people that look just like me?

–Café Pick Me Up, 9th & Ave A

Overheard by: Doibles

Young hipster: I only date girls from the Lower East Side or Williamsburg.

–9th St & Ave A

Overheard by: bildita

NYU girl to friend: Berlin is like, the new, like… Williamsburg.

–4th Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: john.ainley

Young girl: I’m Middle Eastern, and I swear to god if I see another honky wearing a keffiyeh I’m going to commit fucking Jihad on Williamsburg.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Visitor, looking around in bewilderment: Why is everyone trying to look like they’re poor?

–Bagel Shop, Williamsburg

Overheard by: NCT

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Delis, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, Islam, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Terrorism, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Williamsburg

Threats