Are You Fucking With Me, Ma'am?

Animated blonde salesgirl: If you get the apple pomegranate body butter…
Weary brunette: I only see the display.
Animated blonde salesgirl: We have more in the back. Okay, well, if you get two or more products from the bath line, like this and our shower gel, you get a free bathtub!
Weary brunette: Huh?
(animated blonde salesgirl points to a little plastic bathtub)
Weary brunette: That's… tiny. Like, I love the scent but I'm afraid I don't have any kittens or fetuses to bathe in that tiny tiny tub.

–Sephora, Times Square

Posted on October 15, 2020
Clerks, Customers, Free stuff!, Gay Man's Best Friend, Health and Hygiene, Sensory Experiences, Shopping, Store, Stupidity, Times Square

She’s More Like Blanche Devereaux Every Day

Queer: Who’s up there?
Woman: Madonna.
Queer: Oh, well, I figured, obviously. I’d recognize her back anywhere.

–Times Square

Queer: Oh my God, are they Voguing? That is so 1990.

–Times Square

Posted on October 14, 2020
About Celebrities, Nostalgia, Queer guys, Time, Times Square, Women

Talk Is Cheap

Man to guy he bumped into: I hope you have to watch your children die!
Man’s wife: Shhh, honey, you can’t just say that!

–Times Square

Posted on October 7, 2020
Assholes, Threats, Times Square

It’s All Greek to Me

Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.

–Midtown office

Posted on September 8, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Babies, Foreigners, Grocery Stores, Ground Zero, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, People, Places, Poop, Pop Culture, Port Authority, Queens, Shoot, Suits, Times Square, Topics, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Women

It Makes It Look Bigger

Girlfriend: So, my Christopher is a little feminine sometimes…
Boyfriend: I spent two hours shaving this morning!
Dude: Yeah, but shaving what, is the question.
Girlfriend: Not that.
Boyfriend: No, that was yesterday.
Dude, disgusted: I was talking about your legs, but thanks…

–Hershey’s store, Times Square

Overheard by: equally disgusted

Posted on August 27, 2020
Body Parts, Couples, Health and Hygiene, Sexuality, Store, Times Square

Shows What You Know– My Girlfriend's a Lesbian.

Street vendor: T-shirts, get your “I love New York” t-shirts! Only three dollars. Much better than you'd normally get at a store. T-shirts, get your t-shirts!
20-something guy to girlfriend: Too expensive, babe. Sorry.
Vendor to guy: Yeah, well your girlfriend can have one for free because of how amazing she was last night.

–Times Square

Overheard by: i LOVE new york

Posted on August 1, 2020
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Free stuff!, Infidelity, Money & Class, Sex, Street, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers

One Life to Wednesday One-Liner

Five-year-old boy to father: Is this an important life lesson?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ignoring him: Hey, let's go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here often?

–Union Square

Overheard by: serena

Woman, throwing McNuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Elliot

Frantic crazy guy: I'm gonna go have a seat in Starbucks and get my life together!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Overheard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that's life, you screw people over and then you go to the Bahamas.

–Train into Penn Station

Posted on July 6, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Dads, Ethnic Food, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Philosophy, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”

Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.

–Fulton & Gold

Posted on June 18, 2020
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Backdoor, Body Parts, Breaking Up, College, Crime and Punishment, Death, Fordham, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Pop Culture, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, The Bronx, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, We Love Our Pets

Thank God the Wednesday One-Liners’ Strike Is Over

Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Poogins

Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!

–10th Street & 3rd Ave

Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!

–Times Square Office Building

Overheard by: SUSAN

Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.

–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.

–On the Bus

Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."

–15th between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Disunionsquare

Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]

–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square

Posted on June 3, 2020
A-List, About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Black People, Buildings, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Crazy, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Homeless, Hootchies, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Street, Thugs, Time, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Women