Wednesday One-Liners Take Advantage Of Medicare While They Still Can

Blonde on cell: So it was either an ambulance or a taqueria.

–Times Square

Girl on cell: What? What!? Go to the hospital. Go to the hospital! Please. Why? Because when you get stabbed you go to the hospital, you don’t go and lay down.

–Jersey Transit

Thug, in a rush: Look, I don’t give a fuck! I just want Medicaid!

–13th & 3rd

Disgruntled male gynecologist: We’re the bastard stepchildren of the surgery world. General surgeons barely think we’re human. "Oh, don’t get up, it’s just a gynecologist." I could have been a general surgeon, a plastic surgeon, a dentist, a lawyer… I’d be making more money, too. My brother’s cat needed a caesarian section and the vet got paid more than I get paid to do a caesarian section!

–Gynecology Office, 32nd & Madison

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl on cell: I told you I was sick and needed to go to the doctor’s! I can’t even swallow! I tried food, water and liquids!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ross

Chick in scrubs (lighting cigarette) to friend in scrubs: My heart rate won’t go down!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on January 19, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Doctors, Fears, Girls, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Jobs & Careers, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Smokers & Smoking, Stab, Stupidity, Thugs, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Wishes & desires

All the World’s a Wednesday and the People Merely One-Liners

Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two!

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare…

Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy.

–Gallery Players, Park Slope

Overheard by: Emily B.

Guy: …and grimace could play Mary Magdalene.

–Lincoln Center

Shake Shack patron: It was like Menopause: The musical.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Queer on cell: Honey, if you thought Menopause was funny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagina Monologues!

–Walgreens, Union Square

Flyer guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Minerva

Stagehand: Julliard is a school. It’s not like Spamalot.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on January 15, 2015
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Death, Depressed, Fast Times at New York High, Flyer people, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Gripes, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Park Slope, Queer guys, School and studying, Store, Teens, Theater, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Two-Drink Minimum

Flyer guy: Smile, you're on Broadway! (singing) You're never fully dressed…when you're naked! (stops singing) So come to New York's best improvisational comedy club! Be there, or be someplace else!

–Times Square

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Annoying man outside comedy club, to passerby: Do you like stand-up comedy? (passerby ignores him keeps walking) Do you like free alcohol? (passerby keeps walking) Do you like ignoring me? (passerby turns head and nods)

–Broadway

Overheard by: Wojo

Comedy show ticket salesman to couple: So, what are you two doing tonight…besides each other?

–Broadway & 49th St

Overheard by: Theo

Ticket guy to walking couple: Do you like comedy or do you just do each other? Maybe that's all you need.

–51st & 8th

Overheard by: PartyByNight

Street vendor: Want to see a comedy show for $10? Free drinks! Cheaper than crack cocaine!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: gradstudent

Comedy club flyer guy: Blah, blah, blah, take my flyer!

–Times Square

Overheard by: No flyer, but props for the delivery

Posted on January 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Broadway Shows, Cocaine, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Flyer people, Free stuff!, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nudity, Offers and requests, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Singing, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

It Stands for “Retarded”

Teen girl: What time does TRL tape?
Street vendor: What time do you watch it?
Teen girl: 4 o’clock.
Street vendor: What does the L stand for?

–Times Square

Overheard by: mark manne

Posted on January 5, 2015
Comebacks, Idiots, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Time, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers

Both Ways Wednesday One-liners

Ballerino: Everyone’s a little bi, you know.

–Juilliard cafeteria

Chick: girl: I’m starting to get a crush on my boss because she sometimes looks like a man.

–F train

Girl: …and he stuck it so far up my ass, I couldn’t sit down the next day.

–Times Square

Posted on January 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, On the Subway, Promiscuity, School, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Those Who Can’t Teach Gym Become President

Big guy: My grandmother is a science teacher, my father is a math teacher, and my brother is going to be a professor.
Little chick: And you want to be an actor — what a disappointment.
Big guy: Well, if the acting thing doesn’t work out, I’ll be a gym teacher, because those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.

–Olive Garden, Times Square

Overheard by: teetee

Posted on January 3, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: I shit you not, it was a small studio apartment converted into a four bedroom on the 6th floor.

–47th & 9th

Fat suit on cell: How many people play the drums in Poland, really?…What? Wow. Cool. Well, plenty of time to practice I guess.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Max T-M

MTV chick: When I used to read, I went from the last chapter to the first.

–MTV cafeteria

Hipster: They’re always on the same train, so the first time you give them money, then remember your face. Every time you get on the train after that, they’ll follow you around. It’s like having your own 6-foot pet!

–1 train

Overheard by: spike

Posted on January 3, 2015
Hipsters, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, People, Real Estate, Suits, Times Square

I’m Just Saying

Teen girl: What would you do if I ever did that?
Boyfriend: I’d bite your clit off.

–Virgin megastore

Overheard by: angie

Posted on December 27, 2014
Couples, Threats, Times Square, Vagina

And If That Doesn't Work, We'll Tell Him Jesus Hates Drinkers!

Small girl, seeing drunken man reeling down the street: Daddy, what's wrong with that man?
Father: I think he's just drunk a bit too much beer.
Small girl: Hannah's daddy likes beer.
Father: Yes, but if you drink too much of it, it can make you fall down.
Small girl: We should tell him!
Father: I think he probably knows.
Small girl: He might not!

–Times Square

Posted on December 18, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Kids, Parents, Questions, Times Square

Does Any New Yorker Not Want to Go Into Show Business?

Cop with hat tucked under arm to K-9 dog: Arooo-ooo-ooo!
K-9 dog: Ooouu-ooo-ooo!
Cop: Ouw-ouw-ouw!
K-9 dog: Arooo-ouw-ouw!
Cop and K-9 dog, in harmony: Ouw-ouw-ooooo!
Old man, putting $1 in cop's hat: Excellent.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Thomas

Posted on December 18, 2014
Cops, Languages, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, Old People, Panhandling, Times Square