Hobo: Spare some change?
Girl: Yeah…so you can go buy booze? Keep dreaming, bucko.
–Times Square
Hobo: Spare some change?
Girl: Yeah…so you can go buy booze? Keep dreaming, bucko.
–Times Square
Preppy guy: They say beggars can't be choosers, which makes sense, because we're choosers.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Annie
Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Bemused
Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis.
–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Argopelter
Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.
–79th & Broadway
Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.
–10th St & 2nd Ave
Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there!
–6 Train Station
Ghetto girl #1: I'm gonna kick her ass. She's such a waste.
Ghetto girl #2: She is a waste. She's a waste of sperm.
–Times Square Shuttle
Flyer guy: Comedy show tonight? Come on, I know you speak English.
Pissed-off Asian chick: Not for you.
–Times Square
Teen girl: The teacher was like, "Everybody did well on the oral part, that's a good thing, because I hadn't thought it was too long or hard." And then a kid in the back shouted, "That's what she said!"
–Times Square
Teen girl, after being hugged by two boys: Okay, which one of you fingered me?
–Outside Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: disgusted educator on bus
Teen on cell: Stuff? What the hell? Wait, stuff and things? What the fuck, man?!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
Teenage boy: Every time you type "lol" a baby gets kicked in the head.
–150th & Columbus
Teen girl on cell: Why you always call me "ghetto?" I'm not ghetto. (long pause) Okay, I am! But I can't help it!
–Park Avenue
Overheard by: taylor
Teen punk girl on phone: Yeah, I kinda got to third in a dumpster… No! No, it was a clean dumpster!
–St Mark's & 2nd
Tourist: Huh, I could have sworn he'd be here!
Cop, looking around: Can I help you, miss?
Tourist: Yeah, I'm looking for a guy.
Cop: Okay?
Tourist: Should be wearing tighty whities…cowboy hat.
(cop sighs, pointing to his left)
Tourist: Thanks!
–Times Square
Suit: Yeah, that new Brown guy is on my team.
Black woman suit: Umm…
Suit: Brown, the school…not skin color.
Black woman suit (turning into fabulous ghetto black women): Ohh, okay. Good thing–there was about to be a whole lotta ugly up in here.
–Times Square
Old lady crossing the street waiting for cars to pass: C'mon people, shake a leg. (cars pass) Thank you very much.
–80th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Peg
Woman leading tour group across 8th Ave: Okay people, walk quickly and walk with purpose. When the red hand stops the light changes and you will be hit by a car.
–54th & 8th
Overheard by: James
Female tourist to her friend: Why is everyone crossing the street when the light is red?
–Times Square
Girl Scout in uniform: No, it's okay. You can jaywalk here!
–34th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Marie
Woman running into middle of road waving arms: Stop, stop, I don't want to get hit. Stoppppp! (cars slow down or slam on brakes) Hahahaha…just kidding.
–Union Turnpike & Utopia Parkway, Queens
(cab turns in front of guy crossing) Guy: Hey, I'm walking here! (turns to his friend) I always wanted to say that.
–42nd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Alex
College girl: So, I'm thinking of going to France and/or, like, Europe.
–Penn Station
Confused tourist with map: Where's Chicago? Oh, right…that's here in New York City, right?
–Times Square
Guy with map in Tribeca (pointing ahead to the south): Okay, so Central Park should be this way…
–Tribeca
Wide-eyed tourist: Oh my god, we're in Central Park! Can you believe it?
–Riverside Park
30-something zoo patron to zoo employee: I thought Madagascar was just the name of a character in that movie.
–Madagascar Exhibit, Bronx Zoo
Tourist #1: Oh, I think this is that famous intersection.
Tourist #2: Is it?
Tourist #1: Yeah, this is it.
–Times Square
