You Want Wednesday One-Liners? We Got 'em!

Man handing out New York Post: New York Post! If you're illiterate, only 75 cents! If you only lookin at pictures, 50 cents!

–6th Ave & W 8th St

Overheard by: lady v

Man selling cotton candy: Get your cotton candy here! Cotton candy! I got your all-natural blue fibers of sugar right here! Straight from the blue cotton fields of…Virginia! Cotton candy, here!

–Shea Stadium

Street perfume seller to browser: You like Vera Wang, princess? This is genuine Wang.

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Weary Communter

Street vendor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that's cool, that's cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!

–7th & 40th

Overheard by: Tiffany

AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a paper this morning? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don't care. (pause) It's okay, I don't care.

–145th & St. Nich

Overheard by: sorry charlie

Fake purse salesman: Gucci makes the coochie go woo woo!

–Times Square

Posted on November 26, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fakes, Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Knock-Offs, Lies, Money & Class, News, One-liners, Penis, Pictures, Questions, Shea Stadium, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Yo' Mama's So Wednesday, She's a One-Liner!

Sleazy biker, taking a bottle from marathon relief table: My mother always told me I should be bottle-fed.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Uncomfortable volunteer

NYU student on cell, angrily: I was trying to show your mom a good time so I wouldn't have to stick my dick in her again!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: chris k.

Guido on cell: So you fucked the mother *and* the daughter?

–23rd & 3rd

Guy to girl: Anything over 50 is a super milf!

–Chelsea

Teen to friend: Cause I ain't no full-time mama. I'm a part-time mama.

–Church & Chambers

Middle aged hipster with ponytail and gray streaked goatee: I'm a soccer mom!

–Times Square

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinks, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hipsters, MILF, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…Can I Have a Pretzel?

Old man: Do you want a pretzel?
Old woman: No, I don't want a pretzel! If I wanted a pretzel I'd ask for a pretzel!

–Times Square

Posted on November 21, 2008
Junk Food & Fast Food, Offers and requests, Old People, Times Square, Weirdness

She Actually Gave Him Cash–She Just Gets a Cheap Thrill Out of Alliteration

Hobo: Spare some change?
Girl: Yeah…so you can go buy booze? Keep dreaming, bucko.

–Times Square

Posted on November 14, 2008
Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Panhandling, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Just Poor, They're Po'

Preppy guy: They say beggars can't be choosers, which makes sense, because we're choosers.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Annie

Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Bemused

Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis.

–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Argopelter

Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.

–79th & Broadway

Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there!

–6 Train Station

Posted on November 12, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Lower East Side, Madison Square Garden, Money & Class, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Preppies, Smegma, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Buying Her That “Cumdumpster” T-Shirt Backfired Bigtime

Ghetto girl #1: I'm gonna kick her ass. She's such a waste.
Ghetto girl #2: She is a waste. She's a waste of sperm.

–Times Square Shuttle

Posted on October 18, 2008
Cum, Default, Ghetto Chicks, Insults, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Times Square, Violence

New York Is an English-Optional City

Flyer guy: Comedy show tonight? Come on, I know you speak English.
Pissed-off Asian chick: Not for you.

–Times Square

Posted on October 13, 2008
Asians, Default, Flyer people, Girls, Guys, Language Barrier, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Offers and requests, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Will Pass You a Note in Study Hall

Teen girl: The teacher was like, "Everybody did well on the oral part, that's a good thing, because I hadn't thought it was too long or hard." And then a kid in the back shouted, "That's what she said!"

–Times Square

Teen girl, after being hugged by two boys: Okay, which one of you fingered me?

–Outside Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: disgusted educator on bus

Teen on cell: Stuff? What the hell? Wait, stuff and things? What the fuck, man?!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Teenage boy: Every time you type "lol" a baby gets kicked in the head.

–150th & Columbus

Teen girl on cell: Why you always call me "ghetto?" I'm not ghetto. (long pause) Okay, I am! But I can't help it!

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: taylor

Teen punk girl on phone: Yeah, I kinda got to third in a dumpster… No! No, it was a clean dumpster!

–St Mark's & 2nd

Posted on October 8, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Boys, Cleanliness, Education, Girls, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kick, On Cell, Punks, Queens, Questions, Sexuality, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

Not to Be Confused with the Naked Chinese Guy

Tourist: Huh, I could have sworn he'd be here!
Cop, looking around: Can I help you, miss?
Tourist: Yeah, I'm looking for a guy.
Cop: Okay?
Tourist: Should be wearing tighty whities…cowboy hat.
(cop sighs, pointing to his left)
Tourist: Thanks!

–Times Square

Posted on October 7, 2008
Clothing, Cops, Default, Offers and requests, Questions, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists

He's Actually a Rich Mocha

Suit: Yeah, that new Brown guy is on my team.
Black woman suit: Umm…
Suit: Brown, the school…not skin color.
Black woman suit (turning into fabulous ghetto black women): Ohh, okay. Good thing–there was about to be a whole lotta ugly up in here.

–Times Square

Posted on October 3, 2008
Black People, Colors, Default, Education, Race, Suits, Times Square, Women, Words