Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think Of It As “Long-Term Borrowing”

Rich girl: I went to Forever21 and bought a dress. Then I stole some sunglasses and other accessories along with it, cause you know, times are rough.

–Metro-North Rail

Run-down-looking middle-aged guy: I got my phone stolen. Uh-huh. No, it wasn't even a trick, it was a friend!

–Home Depot, 23rd St

Overheard by: STC

Very loud child at display of cars to mother in line: It's okay, mom! You don't need to buy one for me. I can just take one and run out. Maybe even two, easy!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oneofmanymikes

Shopping lady to friend: It's okay to steal but it's not okay to be gay.

–94th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: venniblue

Girl on phone: So you actually caught him stealing from you? (pause) Okay. (pause) Well, you didn't want that anyway. So you're still going to fuck him, right?

–Broadway & 21st St

Posted on March 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Rich people, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Oh. My. God.

Camp leader: Okay, everyone. I think we should all meet at five behind the naked cowboy.
New Yorker camper: John, the naked cowboy is a man.

–LIRR

Posted on March 6, 2015
Animals & Nature, Idiots, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway

Way to Trivialize Our Noble Quest, Curtis

Extreme sports guy #1: I broke my leg last summer.
Extreme sports guy #2: Dude, I broke my leg once. I broke both bones in both wrists this one time.
Extreme sports guy #1: What, were you snowboarding or something?
Extreme sports guy #2: No, I fell off the monkey bars. I was in the third grade.

–L Train

Posted on March 3, 2015
Accidents, Body Parts, Guys, Sports, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway

In a New York State of Mind

Woman #1: Don’t you hate taking the train so early in the morning? I take it every day.
Woman #2: Could you not talk to me?

–A train

Overheard by: aida

Posted on February 24, 2015
Anger Management, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Only in New York, Pop Culture, Trains Not Subway, Travel

Wednesday One-liners? Makes No Sense

Security Guard: …and so now I have her DNA and I can, like, reproduce her any time I want.

–57th & West End

Overheard by: Kaitlyn

Drunk: Are you going to San Francisco?…Hey, I’ve been there! Why won’t you believe me? Look at this tattoo I got there!…Shut up, bitch!

–LIRR

Overheard by: marissa

Woman: So did you know that cheese has the same chemicals as heroin in it? That’s why people who eat cheese get so addicted to it.

–1st Avenue & 4th Street

Overheard by: alison

Posted on February 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drunks, Idiots, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Security Guards, Trains Not Subway, Travel

It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

–A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

–Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

–Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

–Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

–Soho

Overheard by: Edan

Posted on February 10, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Music, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Sexuality, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, TV, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Gosh, You Really Get Me!

Teenage Asian guy #1: I'm Chinese, I'm allowed to be obnoxious.
Teenage Asian guy #2: Dude, you're American. That's why you're obnoxious.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Hillary

Posted on January 26, 2015
Asians, Philosophy, Psychology, Race, Teens, Trains Not Subway

There’s No Gold Medal in This Competition

Teen boy: What kind of trains are those?
Woman: They’re called the PATH. They go to places like New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Long Island.
Teen boy: How about Staten Island?
Woman: Whatchu wanna go there for?

–M101 bus

Overheard by: Kimberly Johnson

Posted on January 26, 2015
History & Geography, Manhattan, NYC Geography, On the Bus, Staten Island, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Travel

Wednesday One-liners Order Scotch, Rocks

Guy: Dude, I’m not allergic to cats when I’m drunk.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Laura Tipaldo

Posted on January 25, 2015
Animals & Nature, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Trains Not Subway

Cinnabon, Cinnabon Farts, and Hairspray

Tourist #1: Are we in the airport?
Tourist #2: No.
Tourist #3: It's the train port.
Tourist #1: Is this a mall?
Tourist #2: No.
Tourist #1: It looks like a mall.
Tourist #2: It's not a mall.
Tourist #1: It smells like a mall.

–Penn Station, LIRR

Overheard by: Ceetar

Posted on January 21, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Penn Station, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway

Trains Not Subway