We're All Nine Meals Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Posted on June 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Clerks, Delis, Family Ties, Food, Girls, Global Geography, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Panhandling, President, Punch, Questions, Race, Rumor Has It, Sensory Experiences, Statue of Liberty, Strangers, Street, The Village, Trains Not Subway, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Especially One Who Owns Penn Station

Old Chinese lady: No luggage allowed. Leave it outside. This is my building! I own it!
(College kid, obviously from out of town, leaves in fear)
Old Chinese lady: Puta!
(college kid scurries away)
College kid on cell: Yeah, I did what they say on Law & Order. Never make eye contact with a New Yorker.

–Penn Station Entrance

Overheard by: kash

Posted on June 3, 2015
Advice, Chinese, Default, Frat Boys, Insults, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Only in New York, Penn Station, TV, Weirdness, Women

Our Lives on the Shitlist?

Teen girl #1: I have to poop really bad.
Teen girl #2: Oh my god, we should totally have a reality show.

–K-Mart, Astor Pl

Overheard by: Katherine

Posted on June 1, 2015
Poop, Store, Teens, TV

You Gotta Stop Coming Here, Craig

Daily Show warm-up guy: You all know who hosts this show, right?
Audience member: Craig Kilborn!

–The Daily Show studio

Overheard by: Brian Resler

Posted on May 30, 2015
Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pop Culture, Stupidity, TV

But a Guy Can Always Dream

Guy#1: I don't even know why I like this girl. She has no tits, she's fat, and she has a mustache.
Guy#2: Are you in love with Mr Belvedere?
Guy#3: Can't be. Mr Belvedere has tits.

–2nd Ave & 6th

Overheard by: John

Posted on May 26, 2015
Beauty, Diet/Weight, Guys, Hair, Love, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, TV, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jumana

Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich R.

Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)

–Waverly Place & 5th Ave

Overheard by: steph

Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!

–Humboldt & Withers

Overheard by: francesca

Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.

–Williams St

Overheard by: Sonya

Posted on May 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Insults, Masturbation, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Sexuality, Singing, Street, The Village, TV, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners

You Know You Love It. Xoxo.

20-something hipster guy to friend: Dude, did you see Gossip Girl last night?
Friend: (stares)
20-something hipster guy, indignantly: Shut up! If you started watching it, you wouldn't be able to stop, either!

–168 St Subway Station

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on May 21, 2015
Friends, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., TV, Weirdness

My Sister's Roommate's Cousin Knows Wednesday One-Liner's Agent

Young thug in crooked baseball hat to female friend: No, everyone should have the right to love Tom Cruise.

–41st & Lexington

40-something Midwest tourist to 40-something friends: Yeah, this is where Miley Cyrus was staying. (points to Sheraton hotel, friends gasp in excitement)

–53rd & 7th

Tourist son to mom: Let's go to the park and watch Jerry Seinfeld play softball.

–67th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Q

Random guy outside on corner: Yo, I just saw Phil Donahue. I just saw him walking down the street… (starts to sing in Cops theme song style) Whatchu gonna do when Phil Donahue comes for you? (pause) Yo, Phil Donahue is a crazy motherfucker!

–Astoria Boulevard, Queens

Girl on cell: Yeah, but I tower over him when I wear heels…and I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to be Katie Holmes to his Tom Cruise.

–33rd & Broadway

Woman: Everywhere I go, I see either someone I know or a celebrity!

–69th & Columbus

Little boy to mother: Oooh…I thought Malcolm X was a singer.

–Flatbush & Beekman

Overheard by: Chelsea

Posted on May 20, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boys, Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Kids, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Relationships, Shoes, Sports, Thugs, Tourists, TV, Women

Boy Parts and Girl Names: Hot, Hot, Hot!

Girl #1: So, seriously, his name is Meredith? Like “A Boy Named Sue?” Seriously?
Girl #2: Yeah, seriously, it's like that show… The one with, you know, the guy, and that's his name… You know, that show we watched last night.
Girl #1: Yeah, that show, with the hot guys?
Girl #2: Yeah, seriously hot.
Girl #1: Seriously.

–6 Train

Overheard by: I don't think they were serious

Posted on May 16, 2015
Beauty, Default, Gender issues, Girls, Music, Names, On the Subway, Questions, Sexuality, TV

TV