Hobo: ‘Scuse me. You wanna give a quarter to the United Negro Pizza Fund?
–44th & 8th
Hobo: Listen, girls, do you care to donate to the United Negro Pastrami Sandwich Fund?
–Bowery between 3rd & 4th
Hobo: Would you like to donate to the United Negro Pizza Fund?
–82nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Leigh
Hobo: Can you offer a contribution to the United Negro I Didn’t Go to College Fund?
–60th & Columbus
Crazy guy: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Homosexuality! Heh heh heh.
–53rd Street station
Guy on cell: No, I’m waiting for the ferry…No, not him; the boat that goes into the city.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island
Overheard by: Chris Cotterman
Girl: She said she wasn’t attracted to me! I mean, I’m straight as a goat, but…am I ugly?
–R train
Overheard by: Shannon Bowman-Sarkisian
Middle-aged guy: You know, somebody needs to tell gay men that they’re not 17 year old girls.
–David Barton Gym, 23rd Street
Queer: For God’s sake, be creative. We’re gay!
–West Elm, 18th Street
Woman on cell: It’s really gay outside right now.
–Bowery & 4th
Dude: I thought I saw Matt Damon; then I realized it was just a gay guy.
–Barrow Street
Crazy guy: And what do gay people do with the money they save on child support? The parade! They pay for the parade.
–53rd Street station
JAP girl on line: Why would I be boogieing at temple?
–H&M
Overheard by: Sandjiggie
Redhead JAP: It's too bright, I can't hear you…
–41st & 3rd
JAP: Is saving the whales still, like, a thing?
–F Train
20-something JAP on cell: I mean: I don't want to say that I live in a bubble, but the only people I've spoken to in the last week and a half are you and my doorman.
–42nd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Pete
(Asian tourist walks onto subway with large panda-head shaped hat)
Random guy: Take off that silly ass hat!
–Uptown 1 Train
Guy: When I wear my other coat, I look like a yak.
–Mott St
Overheard by: robin
Thug to friend: I totally know fashion designers. I know who Hill-finger is.
–Thompson Street, SoHo
Drunk guy to orthodox Jew: Nice lid.
–Near Herald Square
Guy walking out of subway: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Sarah
History teacher to class: Now, if you want a decent straw hat, do not make one.
–Millennium High School
Overheard by: Adriana
Lady on cell: Yes, that’s right. N as in ‘Nancy,’ M as in ‘umbrella’…
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Conductor: This is a downtown V train — V as in ‘vasectomy.’
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Kim
MTA announcement: The next train is a Brooklyn-bound C train. C as in ‘Shelly.’
–59th St station
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Loud man on cell: No, no, her name starts with an F… No, F… F like in ‘phonics’! What? It doesn’t? Oh, well, I guess you could spell it that way, too.
–L train
Loudspeaker: This is the B-as-in-‘badass’ train. Transfer to the D and Four.
–Yankee Stadium station
Ghetto girl on cell: C… No! C — like the last letter in ‘New York.’
–103rd & Lex
Female yuppie: As a general rule of thumb, I think I should refrain from going to the Hustler Club with my male boss and co-workers from now on.
–Downtown C train
Overheard by: amused passenger
Yuppie: It was the most intense Hava Nagilah I’d ever seen.
–43rd & Lex
Yuppie, examining the New York Public Library: Wow, that library is such a waste of real estate!
–42nd & 5th Avenue
Overheard by: Reader Rabbit
Emo Girl to friend: Oh I love Whole Foods, its like Wal-Mart for Yuppies.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Addie Wagenknecht
Yuppie, to McDonald’s cashier: Do you have French vanilla capuccino?
–McDonald’s, 34th & 10th
Mother to child in front of diorama of pilgrims and Native Americans: Well, that's because the Indians never met real people before.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Peter R.
Young girl, arriving through train tunnel at Grand Central Station: I wonder if Harriet Tubman is down here.
–Grand Central Station
Airhead: I think like… Colonialization is like… The umbrella theme of, like… Diplomacy.
–Pommes Frites
History teacher, about Andrew Jackson: He tight, he kill mad people, he buggin'.
–High School
Teacher, discussing Thomas Jefferson's mistress: You see, guys? History is exciting! It's full of sex!
–High School, Lower Manhattan
Overheard by: SzN31
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. There is a problem with a signal and there are trains in front of us. The good news is, there's a bar car!
–Metro North
Overheard by: Anna
Obese lady buying pork chops to obese friend: I be cutting down on on soda.
–Troy Ave & Park Place
Exasperated woman: And he was drinking Jack Daniels before he even got to my place…
–3rd & 6th
Overheard by: j
Female suit on cell: Well, what do you expect? It was green Gatorade and grain alcohol!
–Broadway & 54th St
Overheard by: Loren
Bag lady to another: Listen, Alice, if you don't want to lose your leg, you gotta drink water, they'll take your legs otherwise.
–42nd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Robin
Frantic woman on cell: Oh my god! There is no soy milk anywhere in this city! (sprints out of Starbucks)
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: ellie
Tough guy outside bar with friends: So I like apple juice. What the fuck?
–East Village
Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus!
–Broadway & Prince
Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together?
–Fordham Plaza
Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him?
–St. Luke's Church, Whitestone
Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher.
–E Train
Overheard by: Giggling at crack
Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Alfie
College chick: …its intended use is for tobacco and that’s my story.
–Barnard College
Guy on cell : Yo, it’s fine, I’ll just get some other dude’s piss.
–104th and Amsterdam
Lady standing all alone (aside from the contributor): Michael, you might want to move out of the way of those people.
–Penn Station
