Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Kiss on the Mouth

Guy: Man, I don’t have any money… I wish I was a prostitute.

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Kay

Man on cell: She ain’t gettin’ it. I’ll tell you what we’re going to do — we’re going to fire all the women. The one time a month we need ’em, we’ll hire hookers.

–Washington Square Park

Man on cell: Don’t call her a prostitute! That’s my mom you’re talking about. You lived with her — was she a prostitute then? No, she was not!

–92nd & 1st

Overheard by: Jessie’s Girl

Suit: So have you considered prostitution? I’m not saying you should do it, but have you thought about it?

–N train

Hipster: She was movie hooker! You hardly ever see a movie hooker in real life!

–Central Park

Overheard by: wondering what they were talking about

JAP on cell: Fulton Street is big! Not as big as your appetite for hookers, but big enough!

–Broadway & Nassau

Overheard by: nbtd

Guy to friends at table: My dad owns a crackwhore house, and he wonders why his electric bills are so high!

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Genna and Elaina

Posted on October 18, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Prostitution, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Man Bites Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: You have the responsibility of perming your own dog.

–Ellis Island Ferry

Dude: … So the guy says, ‘They always think they want their dog stuffed, but they really don’t,’ and that’s why he makes you pay in advance.

–Duff’s, Williamsburg

Overheard by: LP

JAP: I think when I get back I want to get a dog… And then maybe one of my parents could be my intern. — like, take care of the dog and stuff. I don’t understand why that is such a ridiculous suggestion. I mean, it’s not like they’re doing anything of interest.

–6 train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Adrienne

Little girl chasing pigeon: Bye-bye, doggie!

–DeSalvio Park playground, Spring & Mulberry

Overheard by: jharris

Cashier to customer: Have a good night and enjoy your… dog food.

–Animal Crackers, E 2nd St

Overheard by: Sara

Little girl to father: Daddy, can we eat the dog food?

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Yum yum gimme some

Posted on October 18, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Man's Best Friend, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

There’s a Law Against Wednesday One-Liners in Alabama

Woman playing with touchable exhibits, to friend: You know, we never used riding crops until our wedding night.

–Museum of Sex

Hot chick on cell: I just made a first date for tonight… Fifteen minutes later I remember the hickeys I have on my neck. [Long pause, then] That said, it’s a date with a guy I met while I was wearing a collar, so maybe bite marks are, like, expected of me.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Chick on cell: How can I be a submissive if we’re listening to the Eurythmics?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ladle

Hot chick on cell: My only problem is randomly spanking strange women.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Drunk girl to drunk guy: So, after our conversation last night, I Googled ‘circle jerk.’ Is that something you guys do often?

–The Hairy Monk, 27th & 3rd

Posted on October 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Kink, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday Bites the Big One-Liner

Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Duluthian

Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan's, Coney Island

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

–Penn Station

20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.

–Amtrak Train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Paige

Posted on October 17, 2014
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Dude, Nobody Listens to The Wednesday One-Liners Anymore

Young woman on cell: So I said to him, are you going to listen to Barbra Streisand forever?

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Korky

20-something girl: I'm a teenager! I collect pogs and say "suck it," and listen to Kriss Kross!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Claire H.

Guy: Man, these guys are like The Beatles of my generation.

–In Line for Cypress Hill Show, Nokia Theatre

Burly MTA contractor: I mean imagine if it was a dude singing "I kissed a guy and I liked it."

–Chambers St Subway Station

Overheard by: sarah

Trendy girl: I can't believe they charge $1.29 for a song now. What song is worth $1.29?!? Well, I guess "Don't Stop Believing" and "We Are the Champions"… basically any Queen song.

–Coldstone Creamery, Astor Place

Overheard by: Any Britney Song

20-something girl to 20-something boyfriend: Don't dress up like Elton John because I want you to. Dress up like Elton John because you want to.

–Halloween Shop, 11th St & Broadway

Posted on October 15, 2014
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Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t Metrosexual

Professor: Where is the line between what is homosexual and what is not? Is a circle jerk not gay? Oh, god. I’m sorry to anyone who doesn’t know what that is.

–NYU

Girl: It makes you look gay, and I don’t mean good gay.

–The Gap, 17th St & 5th Ave

Flamboyant man on cell: I got you the one that had an ‘L.V.’ on it… How am I supposed to know what that means? I’m not that kind of gay!

–Grand St & Broadway

Overheard by: callmedrpalmer

TA: We can talk about boy sex, but we can’t talk about homosexuality.

–Classroom, NYU

Queer: Wait, how did you end up the gayest? Because I started out the gayest!

–Time Square

Overheard by: Tourist Who Blends

Bimbette: No, Jesus was gay. That’s the only solution.

–4 train

Overheard by: solution to what?

Posted on October 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Biotechs, Gays and Lesbians, On Cell, Queer guys, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday-One-Liners Are Still Waiting on Reparations

Woman: It’s so rare to see a happy, black couple these days.

–Nunya

Overheard by: Jason

Guy on cell: I want to do, like, a modern blaxploitation kinda thing.

–111th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Conrad

JAP on cell: Yeah, Flava Flav. The show’s called Flava of Love, it’s like The Bachelor for black people.

–J&B Coffee, W 3rd St & McDougal

Overheard by: amused black girl

Ghetto girl: I swear, I feel like motherfuckin’ Harriet Tubman. Shoot.

–Tunnel between F & 1 trains, 14th St

Guy: Hey, you guys like stand-up comedy? Take this flyer. What, you ain’t gonna take it? Is it ’cause I’m black?

–Times Square

Bimbette: I’m not racist, I talked to a black girl in the bathroom today.

–A train

Posted on October 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Race, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Hair! Get It Out! Get It Out!

Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas.

–23rd & 3rd

Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level!

–Midtown Office

Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen.

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas!

–74th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband

Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ashley

Posted on October 15, 2014
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It's Always Sunny in Wednesday One-Liner

Swaying hobo with outstretched arms, as it starts to drizzle: I make it rain, I make it rain, I make it rain on you, hoes!

–14th St & University Place

Conductor over PA, on sunny 50-degree day: Due to inclement weather, the 2 and 3 trains will be running on the local track.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Bag lady: I'm not selling ass, just panhandling. It's too cold.

–9th Ave & 25th St

Really tall dude to no one in particular, very energetically: It's a beautiful day, oh my god! I'm gonna cancel all my appointments and go on a walk!

–2nd & Bedford

Angry stranded guy: And you were all like "it doesn't snow in the city, there are too many cars!"

–Bleecker St

Posted on October 14, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Guys, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Passengers, Public Transportation, Strangers, The Village, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday Out-Liners

Cop to others, coming out of bodega: I was into fucking rainbows even before the gays.

–Bedford & S 3rd

Overheard by: Rocky

Tall blue-collar guy to short blue-collar guy: So, how did your date with that guy go? Did you get any action?

–Broadway

Guy on cell: I still don't see how being a dude and preferring other dudes sexually makes me gay.

–Q Train

Hipster on cell: This isn't gay, it's revenge!

–Ave C & 7th St

Guy to friends, matter of factly: So apparently he went there for drugs and/or homosexual sex.

–Rockefeller Center

30-something woman to another: Because she's gay, does that mean I need to pay for everything?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Tom Guest

Posted on October 14, 2014
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