Girl: I normally go to planned parenthood for my STD tests.
Boy: Oh, no. I don't go to fancy places like that. I cart my ass to the projects for my tests.
–Water St & Wall St
Overheard by: Cheech
Girl: I normally go to planned parenthood for my STD tests.
Boy: Oh, no. I don't go to fancy places like that. I cart my ass to the projects for my tests.
–Water St & Wall St
Overheard by: Cheech
Irritated tourist mother to baffled seven-year-old daughter: Your father is such a fuckin' dickwad! And let me tell you–he wasn't even inspired the night we made you.
–Times Square
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Guy on cell: I haven't talked to my dad in over three years, and this morning he friended me on Facebook.
–1st Ave & 89th Street
Overheard by: Citats
Guy on cell: Well, I wouldn't say I have the best relationship with my father, no. Umm… Well, for example, if he answers the phone when I call the house he says "Oh. Hey, failure."
–Union Square
Overheard by: Olivia
Woman on cell to friend: Uh-huh girl, I brought William to his donors' house and he didn't want to watch him. I said "William, William, say goodbye to your donor because he don't wanna watch you today."
–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Upper East Side girl at brunch with girlfriends: I need to find a new apartment because when I do the walk of shame I keep running into my dad.
–80th St & 2nd Ave
Man in car at stoplight on cell: Yeah, so I grabbed a towel for my nuts and ran down the stairs. Yes, I covered my nuts. So I run down the stairs covering my nuts with a towel because I knew where the smoke was coming from!
–127th & Lenox
Street tough to guy in wheelchair: So you kicked him in the nuts? (shrugs) Yeah, word.
–E 2nd St & Ave C
Overheard by: Ben Couch
Crazy man: Where's Howie? Where's my favorite nut-nut?
–Hanson Place
Overheard by: JBeck
Dude on cell while riding bicycle: It's hanging off your nuts?
–Williamsburg
Mom 20-something daughter heading to Penn Station: Should we grab our nuts, at least?
–7th Ave & 34th St
Overheard by: Just don't grab my nuts
Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.
–Washington Square Park
Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."
–86th St Subway Station
Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?
–Bed Bath & Beyond
Overheard by: Melissa
Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.
–50th & 9th
Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.
–6th Ave & W 11th St
Overheard by: Matthew
Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: DAISYMAE
Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: Kon
Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.
–SoHo
Overheard by: seal
Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!
–38th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Kat
Little white boy, running down street: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
Black female nanny, pushing stroller behind little boy: Run to the bus! Run! Run!
White man in suit, trotting a couple paces behind black woman: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
–8th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: amused tourist
Tourist: Hey, what are you looking for down there?
MTA worker, walking with flashlight on the tracks: Rats!
Tourist: Really?
MTA worker: Nah, just track defects… and gold.
–6 Train
Girl on cell: Hey. (pause) We are passing under the canopy now. (pause) The canopy. The scaffolding!
Friend next to her: Nice word.
–33rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Skinny Shadoq
Girl on phone: I gotta go to another guy because the last guy was like, "have you been sleeping with any Asian investment bankers?" and I was like, "no," and he's like, "well, then you don't have syphilis." And I'm like, "you're not a very good doctor!"
–Greenpoint
Girl on train: You should really meet this guy. He's like half witchdoctor and half… I don't know… Physical therapist.
–LIRR
Overheard by: The WC
Bag lady, yelling: What is my vital sign, asshole? Systolic… Diastolic… The fuck does that mean, Mr. Doctorman?
–6 Train
Overheard by: pretending not to have been pre-med in college
Suit on cell: What do you mean I'm being ridiculous? He's a foot doctor… He's not licensed to give rectal exams, Floyd!
–Q Train
Overheard by: EKavet
Woman on cell: Ugh, no I can't. I've been at work, I'm totally wasted.
–Outside Penn Station
Whiny American Apparel employee to new recruit: You're not allowed to chew gum on the floor, you can't wear UGGs to work… You have to be 100% American Apparel.
–Downtown F Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Subway musician to dude walking by with guitar on his back: Get a real job! (pause) I always wanted to say that to someone.
–S Train
Female suit to make suit: So, is your work still sticky like mine?
–Port Authority
Overheard by: quiet commuter
