Weirdness

Hipster: Ugh, my mom keeps forgetting to deposit my unemployment check.

–Williamsburg

Shouting hipster: I tripped over a Mexican!

–Spring St

Overheard by: Brigdh

Hipster girl to guy she is sitting with at the bar: I should have let you cum on my bedspread.

–5th Ave & Bergen, Brooklyn

Dozing hipster, muttering in his sleep: That's what she said.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Upset hipster chick to friends: So now that my brother's going to college,they're not going to pay my rent anymore. I told my mom, "I'm twenty-five, I pay all my other bills on time, I haven't done anything wrong!"

–Union Pool, Williamsburg

Hobo: Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? I love you.

–Broadway & 9th St

Hobo to everyone on train: Stand clear the closing doors, ladies and gentlemen. Please watch the gap between the train and the platform. Walk over it, not in it. Your safety is my number one priority because: without you, I don't eat.

–4 Train

Crazy hobo to man: I don't want your change. I want that! (points to man's crotch)

–F Train

Hobo: Can you spare me 600,000 dollars?

–Broadway & 97th St

Overheard by: Martijn H

Drunk hobo to restaurant owner: Oh, man, I've missed you! You haven't cursed me out in forever!

–Restaurant, Ave A & 7th St

Overheard by: Tigertail

British tourist to misbehaving child: Do you want a smacked bottom now or the other thing when we get home?

–Central Park

Overheard by: birdw0rks

Mom to kid playing on shopping cart: You'd better stop that, or you're going to fall and crack your head, and I'm going to laugh, cuz I told you so.

–Grocery Store

Father to four-year-old son: Watch out, these people are trying to kill us.

–36th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: benny

Guy to son who is hesitant about seat in theater: If I had been this choosy with your mom, you wouldn't be here!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: I don't want to hear about your hunger pangs right now. Now turn around and look at the sea lions.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: kathcom

Guy: So she got all pissed at me cuz of what I said, but she asked me! And I'm gonna be blunt. I mean, if she's gonna go get herself pregnant, then yeah, she should get fixed up afterwards.
Girl: Damn straight.

–Park Ave & 36th St

Girl #1, missing yet another shot: God, this is so frustrating! All I want to do is just get it in the hole.
Girl #2: Yeah, now I know how guys must feel.

–Amsterdam Billiards

Girl: I have a sliver in my hand!
Guy: I will pick it out when we get home.
Girl: No, that's okay. I like picking at my skin.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Victoria

Blonde: So what is this drink anyway?
Creepy guy: A roofie-coolada. (sinister snicker)
Blonde: Oh. Okay! (laughs)

–Virgil's, W 44th St

Waspy girl #1: My mom and I are in a huge fight right now.
Waspy girl #2: Really? That sucks.
Waspy girl #1: Yeah, especially because to punish me she's taking me shopping.
Waspy girl #2: What?
Waspy girl #1: We go to all these stores and she makes me try on all these clothes while she makes comments about how fat I'm getting. And then she doesn't buy me anything because according to her I'm a whale.
Waspy girl #2: Wow.
Waspy girl #1: Yeah, I know. And people wonder why Wasps tend to be such alcoholics.

–Metro-North Train

Indian counter-person #1 to girl buying beer: Do you want a straw?
Girl: No, thanks.
Indian counter-person #2: I hear you get more fucked up if you drink it from a straw.

–Spring & Mott

Overheard by: Clannah

Girl: I don't know why people think my relationship with my roommate is weird…
Friend: What do you mean?
Girl: Yeah, well, cuz people hate the fact we like spooning with each other.
Friend: I need more sugar in my coffee… be right back.

–Dunkin' Donuts