Thug janitor #1, looking down at his fingernails: I get my shit manicured every week.
Thug janitor #2: Yeeeah, yeeeeah, yeeeeah!
–Bathroom, Port Authority
Overheard by: Astonished
Thug janitor #1, looking down at his fingernails: I get my shit manicured every week.
Thug janitor #2: Yeeeah, yeeeeah, yeeeeah!
–Bathroom, Port Authority
Overheard by: Astonished
Recorded voice: Ladies and gentlemen, we are delayed by train traffic ahead of us. Please be patient.
Grumpy old man, to self: That's a lie. There's no train ahead of us.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Woman on cell: That's why I moved to Brooklyn: I hate people!
–Carrol Gardens
Overheard by: Smegma
Man on cell: No, no, no! You go to Brooklyn and suck that sweet white dick for free!
–35th & 8th
Brooklyn guy to date: I would walk all over Brooklyn for you! I would even walk all over Queens for you, you're so sweet!
–Tonio's Restaurant, 7th & 8th, Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Train conductor: Because of a sick passenger at Clark Street, some of us may not be making it to Brooklyn…I'll let you know.
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: D-Law
Conductor: This is York Street, the first stop in beautiful Brooklyn…yay!
–F Train
Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.
–LaGuardia Arts
Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!
–LIRR
Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!
–St. Mark's Place
Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"
–13th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: kdub
Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!
–42nd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Couldn't agree more
Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.
–F Train
Overheard by: penelope
Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades.
–Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt
Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife.
–A Train
Overheard by: Suzi
Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!"
–Grand Concourse
Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!
–Radio City Music Hall
Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!
–42nd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Amina
Man walking in to immigration center to immigration security guard: You look very elegant today.
–Immigration Application Support Center, Queens
Lady: Oh my gosh, Casey looks so good! You would never know that he's blind!
–W 20th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Katie AK
Slightly tipsy elderly suit: Do you know where I can find a beautiful woman? Someone to spend the rest of my life with?
–Metropolitan Museum Info Desk
A Capella group leader, walking into train: Ladies and gentlemen, happy Thursday. We are a Doo Whop group and we are here to entertain you. If you like what you hear, show us some love. If you are miserable, hell, add more fiber to your diet. This Sunday, we will be saluting the best-looking people on the subway. Have a fiberrific day!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Em Allears
Ghetto black chick after someone took a picture of her: Did you get all the beautifulness?
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy
Smoking girl: I dreamed I was a mermaid. Then I woke up, and I was a mermaid.
Girl's friend: But you can't swim!
–H&M, Penn Station
Geeky 30-something Asian man: He keep telling me “Fuck me! Fuck me!” so I tell him “Fuck you!” and I fuck him!
Mother: (not paying attention).
Geeky 30-something Asian man: I am a man! I put my dick in him for five minutes.
Mother: (not paying attention).
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Malta Paul
Grandmother: And when we get outside, then you can ask the big question. And what's the big question?
Grandson: Who are you?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: MK
