Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Real

Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.

–LaGuardia Arts

Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!

–LIRR

Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!

–St. Mark's Place

Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"

–13th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: kdub

Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!

–42nd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Couldn't agree more

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, College, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Height, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I'd Love To, Baby, but My Wednesday One-Liner Won't Let Me Date

Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.

–F Train

Overheard by: penelope

Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades.

–Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt

Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife.

–A Train

Overheard by: Suzi

Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!"

–Grand Concourse

Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!

–Radio City Music Hall

Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Amina

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compliments, Conductors, Cops, Food, Friends, Infidelity, Insults, Laundromat, Love, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sex, Stab, Strangers, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Theater, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Have You Ever Considered Modeling, Wednesday One-Liner?

Man walking in to immigration center to immigration security guard: You look very elegant today.

–Immigration Application Support Center, Queens

Lady: Oh my gosh, Casey looks so good! You would never know that he's blind!

–W 20th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Katie AK

Slightly tipsy elderly suit: Do you know where I can find a beautiful woman? Someone to spend the rest of my life with?

–Metropolitan Museum Info Desk

A Capella group leader, walking into train: Ladies and gentlemen, happy Thursday. We are a Doo Whop group and we are here to entertain you. If you like what you hear, show us some love. If you are miserable, hell, add more fiber to your diet. This Sunday, we will be saluting the best-looking people on the subway. Have a fiberrific day!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Em Allears

Ghetto black chick after someone took a picture of her: Did you get all the beautifulness?

–Saks Fifth Avenue

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Food, Ghetto Chicks, Handicaps, Love, Men, Musicians, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Pictures, Queens, Questions, Security Guards, Singing, Store, Strangers, Suits, The Met, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Nor Can You Smoke Underwater

Smoking girl: I dreamed I was a mermaid. Then I woke up, and I was a mermaid.
Girl's friend: But you can't swim!

–H&M, Penn Station

Posted on February 17, 2009
Dreams, Friends, Girls, Penn Station, Store, Weirdness

After Calling “No Homo,” Though

Geeky 30-something Asian man: He keep telling me “Fuck me! Fuck me!” so I tell him “Fuck you!” and I fuck him!
Mother: (not paying attention).
Geeky 30-something Asian man: I am a man! I put my dick in him for five minutes.
Mother: (not paying attention).

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Malta Paul

Posted on February 17, 2009
Asians, Backdoor, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Men, Moms, Penis, Starbucks, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

If That's Not a Rap Lyric, It Should Be One.

Little girl: Daddy, it's hard to be a six-year-old…
Dad: Uh huh.
Little girl: She wasn't calming me down, daddy, she was calming me up!

–Steinway & Ditmars, Astoria

Posted on February 13, 2009
Astoria, Dads, Gripes, Kids, Weirdness

The Zen Of Grandma

Grandmother: And when we get outside, then you can ask the big question. And what's the big question?
Grandson: Who are you?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: MK

Posted on February 13, 2009
Families, Park Slope, Philosophy, Questions, Weirdness

As in “Puttin' On the Fritz”?

Hipster chick #1: Yeah, my cell phone was on the…uh…skitz?
Hipster chick #2: “Skitz”?
Hipster chick #1: Maybe not. “Skitz” is like the streaks left in the toilet after you take a shit.
Hipster chick #2: You meant “on the Fritz”

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: The Katie