Cute blonde: We should go see The Vagina Monologues.
Awkward Indian man: Yeah, that’s my play!
–Columbia University
Cute blonde: We should go see The Vagina Monologues.
Awkward Indian man: Yeah, that’s my play!
–Columbia University
13-year-old boy #1: Dude, you know what I did? I totally called Donna and told her you made a date with a fat chick.
13-year-old boy #2: You did not.
13-year-old boy #1: I totally did. She thought it was really funny. Sorry.
13-year-old boy #3: You guys are wasting my time and my life. [gets up and leaves]
–Cosi, 13th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: thank god i’m not 13 anymore
Distraught lady: [Sighs] I had the worst night last night.
Suit: What happened?
Distraught lady: [Sighs again, loudly] The kids. Tommy* just wouldn’t stop crying. He was bawling all night.
Suit: Why?
Distraught lady: He kept saying he wanted to go home! He wouldn’t be happy until we were home! So I said, *Tommy, you are home, what do you mean? Explain what you mean by “home.” and then he said he meant home with Isabel, Xander, and Rosa. The nanny!
Suit: Oh my god! So where are they now?
Lady: Out with the nanny, I couldn’t handle them right now.
–Laight St & Hudson
Overheard by: KidUgly
Boy #1: So how does your vagina feel today?
Boy #2: A little bit chafy.
–Staten Island
20-something woman to friends: I mean they said they’d pay me $20 for it. I would show them one for $20, why not? One boob for $20? I mean, maybe they thought it was a big deal since we were at work.
–N Train Platform, 34th St Station
Overheard by: Regina
[Two young woman crossing the street. One turns to the the other and grabs her breast.]Grabber girl: Honk!
[Both giggle and cross street into Victoria’s Secret.]
–34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chockita
Female boss to employee in low-cut shirt: Your boobs are awesome. But -I’m just gonna have to do this. [Pulls up employee’s neckline.] Because…I just wanna dive in there. Head-first.
–Theater, St Marks Place
Overheard by: fhqwhgads
Professor: So you see, men only like women’s boobs because of cleavage.
–Bard High School Early College
Tourist girls: [In unison from the door] Booooobies! [Run to the big naked lady sculpture and poses to take a picture].
–Columbus Circle
Teen girl to friend: Julia! Put your titties away!
–14th & 6th
Bored, drunken guy in a silent train cart: So does anyone wanna show their titties?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Not drunk enough to flash
Conductor: Use all available doors, please. Don’t be afraid of open doors.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Man looking at the BDSM exhibit: That’s not scary. I have one of those!
–Museum of Sex
Overheard by: Rachel K
Big black man to his big black friends: Yo, and I was totally afraid he’d crush my vagina.
–Starbucks, 9th & 57th
Overheard by: newsyspice
Homeless guy: I don’t know why all you people are looking at me scared! This is my game face! Halloween is over!
–G Train
Overheard by: drum
Guy to self: Doctor Jean Grey has the most powerful orgasm of all the X-Men.
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Stan
Engineering school chick, screaming: And I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is the worst protractor ever!’
–Columbia University
Skanky hipster chick to another: I would totally do him… But only if I had the ninja outfit on.
–Ludlow St.
[Four NYPD cops are checking people’s bags at rush hour. A man in a suit appears to be their superior.]Man in suit: But then he realizes that Jedis don’t seek revenge. [The four cops all nod gravely.]
–W 4th St Subway Station
Overheard by: KL
Fiftyish suit: Chewbacca, the original wingman…
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Ike
Woman on cell: I’m busy. I’ve got things to do. And right now what I’m doing is looking at comic books.
–Forbidden Planet
Overheard by: Josh
Chick: We were always competing to be chief geek… But he had asperger’s, so he won.
–Central Park
Guido: If Mike Rowe died and you were there… Like if he died from natural causes and just went to sleep and died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Hmm, I mean, I don’t know, I’d have to like take a peek.
Guido: You mean you’d look at it?
Bitch: Yeah, maybe touch it.
Guido: But would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Roberto! It wouldn’t be hard!
Guido: But what if he got hard and then died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Maybe, but like why do I need to do that when I can just… You know… Ohh nevermind.
Guido: Oohh because you’ll be doing all the work anyway? You could just buy a blow up doll.
Bitch: Exactly, so why do I need to hump Mike Rowe’s dead body?
–6 Train
Overheard by: wet willy
Young hipster professional: …I mean, you’ve seen the signs, right? “If you see something, say something”? …So I ran to the conductor’s car at the next stop and said, “Hey, there’s a really suspicious guy in the second car, he’s acting strange”.
Girlfriend: Oh my god! What did he say?
Young hipster professional: He said, “Stand clear of the closing doors.”
–6 Train
Lead singer of The Stitch Ups: What’s your name, sir?
Audience member: Samantha.
Lead singer of The Stitch Ups: Holy shit!
–Blender Theater, Gramercy
Overheard by: we thought she was a dude, too…
