Man: I'll give you the shirt off my back!
Woman: I don't want your shirt. I give you shirts! Why would I take it back?
(pause)
Man (singing): “We are the champions, we are the champions…”
–L Train
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Man: I'll give you the shirt off my back!
Woman: I don't want your shirt. I give you shirts! Why would I take it back?
(pause)
Man (singing): “We are the champions, we are the champions…”
–L Train
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Snobby woman to teenage girls talking: Decrescendo, girls. Do you know what that means? It's an operatic term for “lower your voices.”
Teenage girl: Actually, “decrescendo” is a musical term for “get softer,” and when you say get lower, you're actually referring to pitch, not volume.
–Metropolitan Opera Lobby
Overheard by: Maria
Guy in line: So basically I threw up too hard and popped a blood vessel.
Woman at counter: What the fuck? That is disgusting!
Guy in line: Well, you asked.
–Pratt Institute
Well-endowed woman: Is this one of those fancy uplift bras?
Salesperson: Yes, ma'am, it is.
Well-endowed woman: All right, but if I get home and my titties still sag I'm gonna be mad at you!
–Victoria's Secret
Angry Spanish boyfriend: You know why I'm talking to you like this! Because your boss was sitting there and you probably had no damn clothes on!
–Broad Channel Subway Station
Girl to friend: Yeah, I can't wait until we take off our clothes and do our make up!
–116th & 3rd
(20-something couple is walking down the street with arms around each other)
Woman: So were you self-conscious when you took off your clothes in front of the children?
–28th & 5th
White guy answering cell: Negrooooo… I'm on the Long Island Railroad being completely homosexual… You missed it, completely naked…
–LIRR
Overheard by: Xavier
Five-year-old girl, before performance begins: Are they going to take *all* their clothes off?
—Hair, Delacorte Theater
Girl to friend: God! I remember when my brother ran into my room naked screaming that he had two buttholes.
–Subway, 14th & 1st
Overweight middle age white guy to friend: I know, I get it, you like to sit naked in the mud while some guy serenades you on his guitar singing about things I don't believe and can't understand. That's your thing. I prefer hockey.
–89th & 4th, Brooklyn
Little kid: We're going to the city to get mommy titties!
–LIRR Train
Punk chick: This thing needs bazooms. I'm a punker chick with itty bitties.
–Midtown Office
Girl to female friend: Hey, did you know today is the three-year anniversary of my boobs?
–Union Square
Crazy lady trying to exchange a shirt: I can't go to work with my tits hanging out!
–Abercrombie & Fitch
Overheard by: me neither.
Chick on cell: In his defense, I forget about breasts, too.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Woman on cell: I didn't take a bath with your dog!
–Long Island Railway
Overheard by: Jeff
Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bih.
Very loud crackhead to nobody in particular: Today is great day…I got my pussy washed and I got new crutches.
–14th St
Overheard by: Cuttie
Middle aged man to another: I miss seeing my wife do squats while cleaning the tub.
–Central Park Loop
Overheard by: Nick Kinling
Woman with awful red lipstick: I am too lazy to shower. Ooh! Did I tell you I discovered dry shampoo?
–Broadway & 112th
Overheard by: do us a favor and bathe
Teenage girl to another: I don't know what the fuck he's talking about…I wash my titties everyday with Lever2000.
–D Train
Overheard by: Derrick Walker
Cop to another: So she said, "see ya later, alligator." To which I retorted, "in a while, crocodile."
–Cunningham Park, Queens
Girl on cell: That was the day I woke up with the pigeon in my bed!
–Christopher St
Law school chick, stopping and staring at pigeon in her path: You go girl!
–East Village
Girl on intercom: Llama needed at the Oyster Bar ramp for a spill!
–Grand Central
Suit to friend: I mean, I don't understand. If people really want to pay like $30,000 to hunt them, I don't see what the problem is.
–Bronx Zoo
Curly grey-haired middle aged crafty lady: If you let them have sex with goats, they'll leave children alone!
–Crafts Fair, Red Hook Fairway
Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton
Passport office worker: Ma'am, you want to ask me a question, you're gonna need to step into the line at this window.
Woman: But I only…
Passport office worker: No buts. You get into this line or I don't talk to you. You don't step away from this window, I call security.
Woman: Fine! Call security!
Passport office worker (grabbing phone): Security, you gonna need to come up and take care of this lady–and oh, she's getting so nasty!
(both laugh)
Passport office worker: So you gettin' ready to go out to lunch?
Woman: Yeah, you want me to pick you up something?
–US Passport Office
Overheard by: Chuckell
Woman #1: He has been acting more and more gay lately.
Woman #2: Well, he does work in fashion PR.
Woman #1: I love it. It just makes me want to hug him more.
Woman #2: It actually makes me want to hug him less.
–F Train
