Wednesday One-Liners Will Swallow for Diamonds

Mother to five-year-old daughter: That's why she's a very smart woman. She married a very rich man for exactly that reason.

–University Place &10th St

Overheard by: evanescent

Homeless man to little boy with parents: Ask your mama why she marry your daddy. She'll tell you it was for the money.

–Statue of Liberty

Sorority girl to another: So like, do you think Brad makes good investments?

–53rd & 1st

Asian girl on cell: It's like I have a sign that says "trophy wife" written across my forehead, and then they find out I'm 22 and the sign is suddenly in neon.

–Tribeca

Girl on cell: No, you remember, I'm going to be a gold-digger! It's like a hooker, but smarter.

–NYU Classroom

Posted on July 6, 2015
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Classroom, Families, Family Ties, Girls, Hobos, Kids, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Prostitution, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Idols of Millions of Suburban White Boys

Thug to friends: Look, whatever, but I have never found myself with a girl who has no face.

–Columbia University

Thug: Yo, I got a huge blunt in my pocket… Oh, wait, that’s my inhaler.

–Q train

Overheard by: djingo

Thug: Fuck that. Fuck that, nigga! If Bill Gates offered me 20 billion dollars to suck his cock, I’d swallow. Fuck.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: I would, too.

Thug athlete, after soccer game: You always be playin’ that shit. You play that shit here, you play that shit in basketball, you play that shit in choir…

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: this guy

Thug on cell: I don’t know where I was, but they’s Germans everywhere in this hood! They on my left, right. Damn! [Looks around anxiously] Now I know how Patton felt, son!

–14th & Driggs

Teen thug to friend: Yo, man, have you looked at a map of Manhattan? Know what that shit looks like?!

–W 79th

Overheard by: Nikki W.

Posted on June 30, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Dating, History & Geography, Money & Class, Stupidity, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed

You Forgot the Part Where You Add All the Cream

Teen girl: Michael Jackson paid that white woman to have his kids, ’cause he wants his kids to be white.
Teen boy: Michael Jackson never gonna have white kids. It’s like if you got a glass of Ovaltine, and you put water in it, and you just keep on adding water, what do you get? Very dilute Ovaltine.

–F train

Overheard by: Jesse Soodalter

Posted on June 29, 2015
About Celebrities, On the Subway, Teens

At the End Of the Day, It's All About Big Bits

(about the Sex and the City movie)
Woman #1 : Yeah, I never saw the series but I think I'll still understand the movie.
Woman #2: Oh, yeah. I watched the whole series 'til the end.
Woman #1: Which one's Carrie?
Woman #2: Sarah Parker is Carrie. Yeah, and she was with this guy for a loooooong time. A loooong long time.
Woman #1: Yeah?
Woman #2: Yeah, they call him “Mista bits.”
Woman #1: What do they call him?
Woman #2: Mista bits.

–Downtown E Train

Overheard by: E

Posted on June 27, 2015
About Celebrities, Default, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Rockefeller Center, TV, Women

Obsessively Gay (for Tad)

Female MTA employee: I ain’t seen you in forever! Did you start working nights again?
Male MTA employee: Yeah… It was alright. But then I got bored, so I started watching soap operas again. I can’t believe Tad still looks the same.
Female MTA employee: Shit, you like him?
Male MTA employee: Hell yeah, I’m OG.

–4th Ave & 9th St station

Overheard by: Tacologic

Posted on June 26, 2015
About Celebrities, Blue-collar workers, Men, Names, Nostalgia, On the Subway, Questions, Talking/Convos, The Village, Time, TV, Women

Actually, for Any Guy in Eyeliner

Straight guy #1: I love Queen.
Straight guy #2: Yeah, Queen is awesome.
Straight guy #3: I would totally go gay for Freddy Mercury. I’m just throwing that out there.

–22nd & 7th

Overheard by: Lolito

Posted on June 25, 2015
About Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compliments, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Music, Talking/Convos

That and Your Music, of Course

Yuppie: Today was such an incredible day, I met Richard Branson, and…
Hipster: Who?
Yuppie: Oh, Fabian, that’s why I love you so much.

–Broadway & 28th

Posted on June 24, 2015
About Celebrities, Friendship, Hipsters, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Yuppies

A Guy's Not Allowed to Make a Radom Observation?

Young boyfriend, as Madonna's “holiday” comes on: You know, I have always hated Pat Benatar.
Older girlfriend, spitting out beer: Well, that's good honey, because this is Madonna.
Tattooed bartender chick: Pathetic.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Cougar Hunter

Posted on June 24, 2015
About Celebrities, Bartenders, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Gripes, Lower East Side, Movies, Singing

We Come Full Circle

Girl #1: Oh my god! I just heard that Katie Holmes had her baby! Katie Holmes had her baby, everyone!
Girl #2: Xenu commands you to shut the fuck up while I’m on the phone with my dealer.

–6th Avenue & West 4th Street

Overheard by: Robin M.

(cf. When we broke this story.)

Posted on June 20, 2015
About Celebrities, Drugs, Etiquette, Manhattan, Pop Culture, The Village

“C_k N__s” to the Orthodox

Teacher: So, “third person omniscient” means the narrator knows the thoughts and feelings of everyone in the story. It's almost like God is telling the story.
Student: Or Chuck Norris.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on June 19, 2015
About Celebrities, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, God, Queens, Students, Teachers/Professors

About Celebrities