Black chick #1: So I got my nipples pierced.
Black chick #2: No way! Let me see!
Black chick #1: Not on the train!
Black chick #2: It’s not like I haven’t seen them before. Remember at Rashon’s party, where you pulled a Janet Jackson?
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: Scott
Student: Did Mohammed invent Arabic with the Koran?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Krisztina
Dude: Help me, Mr. Bloomberg. Please help me, Mr. Bloomberg.
–Rivington & Bowery
Overheard by: Miss V
Girl: Fuckin’ Teddy Roosevelt. Who gives a shit about Teddy Roosevelt?
–5th & 10th
Tourist: I know Kenny Rogers. Doesn’t he make chicken?
–Veniero’s, 11th St
Overheard by: Caitlyn
Biker: I heard George Bush was supposed to be here. Where the hell’s that bitch nigga at?
–World Trade Center
Professor: Madonna has the vulnerability of a cash register.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl on cell: She was definitely trying to get me mad. She’s like, “Yeah, people in L.A. hate New Yorkers.” And I’m like, “Are you saying this because I said your boyfriend looks like Chuck Norris?”
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Laura
Paparazzo #1, of model running by: Who was that?
Paparazzo #2: I don’t know.
Paparazza: Well, if you’re anorexic and you run really fast, of COURSE everybody’s gonna think you’re famous!
–Fashion Week tents, Bryant Park
Overheard by: Mike D.
Mother, pointing at poster: Now, who has a hat?
Toddler: Keith Richards.
Mother: Yes, Keith Richards has a hat. Good observation!
–7th Ave & 5th St, Park Slope
Fashionista: I’m not ready for a rich man.
–East Village
Woman: Yeah, he’s got money. Like, when Michael Jackson tried to buy the Elephant Man? That kind of money. Giraffe money!
–Uptown 6 train
3-Year-Old: My daddy makes a lot of money so my mommy and me can live the life we want to live.
–Playground, DUMBO
Overheard by: grimrosary
Salesperson: Yeah, so he was like, “That’s what it means to be rich. I can buy whatever makes me and my fiancé happy. I can buy her all the Harry Potter memorabilia that she wants.”
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Overheard by: LSB
Wall-Street-Intern chick: So, if the weather is bad here in the Hamptons I may just fly to California or South Beach for the weekend. Hopefully nobody at work will need me because I may have to get a flight on Friday morning. You know, I have to do what’s fiscally feasible for me…and by “me”, I mean my parents.
–D train
Overheard by: I hope she reads this, and then dies…
Male customer to deli worker: Do you know where can I get a fake Rolex with counterfeit money?
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: Hobo Hank
Little girl, talking for a teddy bear with a stocking over its head, to another teddy bear: Give me all your money!
–Goodwill
Girl #1: Yeah, I just really don’t like Matthew McConaughey’s arms. I mean, he’s an attractive guy, but his arms are just…
Girl #2: I know what you mean, I guess… they don’t match his body.
Girl #1: I was going to say I hope he gets cancer in his arms, but I didn’t mean it.
Girl #2: I know.
–Columbus Circle
Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!
–1 train
Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…
–1 train
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!
–18th & Park
Overheard by: edward
Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!
–Wooster & Broome
Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.
–23rd & 6th
Tween boy: Then Tom Cruise and Will Smith get married and have babies.
–74th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Rachel
3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise!
–89th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
Man to girlfriend: Shit, I like that Martha Stewart. She a gangsta in disguise.
–Kmart, Astor Place
Guy: He is like the L. Ron Hubbard of Teach for America.
–Lenny’s, 77th & 2nd
Overheard by: Rebecca
Crazy guy: You fuckers don’t deserve to be here! John Lennon died for peace and tolerance! Get the fuck out of here, queers! John died for peace and humanity!
— 72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: emily
Chick on cell: Yeah, he wouldn’t watch my kid last night because he was hanging out with Wilmer Valderrama.
–1st Ave between 12th & 13th
Hobo: Betty Boop killed Martin Luther King!
–1 train
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Mother: See, it says these are endangered deer from China.
Tween daughter: I guess they are from China. Look at their slanty eyes!
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Nina Drummond
Girl on cell: Yeah, I’m at the Diesel party. Everything’s free. Just come and say you’re one of the Chapin sisters; they never showed up…What you mean? Just go to the door guy and say, “Hi, I’m one of the Chapin sisters.”…I don’t know their first names! Just say you’re a Chapin sister!
–Sky Studios, Broadway
