Wednesday One-Liners: The Forgotten Borough

Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that.

–1 New York Plaza

Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?

–Wall Street

Overheard by: …I almost asked

30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens.

–Court St. & Montague

Overheard by: Kaiti

Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way!

–G Train

Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips

Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland!

–Queens

Posted on February 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Beauty, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Conductors, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Drinks, Getting Jolie'd, Girls, Happiness, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Smoking, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Fade to Black

Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister.

–14th St

Overheard by: The Reverend

Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you.

–Max Cafe

Overheard by: D to the ana

Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night!

–Whole Foods Union Square

Overheard by: bildita

Preppy girl: Is "faint" a euphemism for "boner"?

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Diana

Posted on February 15, 2015
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Wednesday One-Liners Don't Count Anal

Girl on cell: I don't know what it is with me and virgins. I think I've collected like four virgin scalps.

–Q58 Bus

Overheard by: Tom

Cashier, screaming to friend cashier: But why do you have to tell everyone that he's the guy who popped my cherry?

–72nd & 1st

Overheard by: tomas

Ghetto girl: If you got finger-popped, you ain't no virgin.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Jake M

Teen boy on cell: Of course I don't have any kids! Girl, you know I'm pure–like water in Africa.

–Manhattan Ave & 123rd St.

Overheard by: CreativeBunny

Hispanic girl, loudly to a group of friends : I mean, I'm still a virgin and I have three STDs!

–Ave C

Posted on February 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Boys, Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Foreplay, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Latinos, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, STDs, Street, Teens, Upper East Side, Vagina, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Our Wednesday One-Liners in Blue

Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there?

–Outside Times Square Police Station

Overheard by: leah

Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Claire

Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o!

–38th St, Astoria

Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!"

–Lexington & 75th

Overheard by: wb

Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing?

–Bensonhurst

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Thievery, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday Two-Become-One Liners

Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!

–Washington Square Park

Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!

–Naked Lunch, Tribeca

Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!

–E Train

Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…

–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village

Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day

Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.

–W 123rd & 8th Ave

Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.

–Staten Island

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Pictures, Queer guys, Sex, Staten Island, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners in Tasseled Loafers

Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.

–6th & 55th

Overheard by: Dan

Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!

–Madison & 49th

Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.

–59th & Lexington

Overheard by: i'll take the mustang

Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.

–Deli, 33rd & 7th

Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!

–23rd & Lexington

Overheard by: tallnawkward

Posted on February 14, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Education, Ground Zero, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Suits, Times Square, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Ain’t Gettin’ Any

Man learning about horseshoes, to his wife: You hear that, honey? Mating season is over for them. Does that sound familiar?

–New York Aquarium, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tracy Fish

Early 20’s chick to Hasid trying to lure her into his van: I wouldn’t even sleep with you for WORLD PEACE!

–1st & Bedford, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alison

Woman to friend: Conjugal visits, my ass! That man doesn’t give a shit about sex. In the two years we were together, we had sex six times! Six times!

–Starbucks, Astor Pl

Overheard by: Aaron A

Meathead on cell: We never get laid. We might as well be ninjas.

–Canal & Broadway

Professor: I don’t understand these Taliban guys. 27 virgins! 27 virgins! Who wants to spend eternity with a bunch of beginners?

–Classroom, FIT

Guy: So what you sayin’? I can’t have sex with you anymore?

–10th & University

Overheard by: Priska Neely

Posted on February 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

If You're Wednesday and You Know It, Clap Your One-Liners

Young black lady to friend: I am so happy this is my last week! I hate New York City! Everybody is so rude! Today I nearly punched somebody in the face!

–Elevator, Midtown

Overheard by: thorn

Metro guy, singing: If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it. If you're happy and you know it, get a Metro.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: erkala

Six-year-old boy to mom: The things in cave paintings don't always look happy.

–81st & 1st

Overheard by: Tim

Obvious lawyer, on Yom Kippur: My finger is happy to have the day off.

–32nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: k

Posted on February 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Elevators, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, Happiness, Holidays, Kids, Lawyers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Punch, Singing, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Work Day One-Liners

Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?

–First Class Cabin, American Airlines

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.

–Cobble Hill Brooklyn

Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.

–Astor Place

20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: arielle

Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!

–E Train

Overheard by: lk

Posted on February 12, 2015
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Drugs, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Do Those One-Liners Go All the Way Up to Your Wednesday?

Lady to another: I'm waxing my crotch whether he likes it or not!

–52nd & Madison

Overheard by: someguyslikethejungle

Preteen: Yo, she bit Mark's crotch!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: dan

Girl to another: I don't think he'd like your stiletto heel in his actual crotch. Oh, now your twat is all over the place.

–Olivebridge

Man on cell, noticing, "The Big Penis Book": Hey, I'm at this bookstore and they have this big book of penises… Oh, you have it already? The big book, with the pink cover and crotch on the front? Oh, okay, cool.

–Bookstore, Brookyln

Bimbo: Crotches are always wrong!

–American Apparel Store

Posted on February 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Girls, Kick, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Private Parts, Shoes, Store, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Violence, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

All Wednesday One-Liners