Teen boy: So when you said you loved her, did you say you loved her booty?
–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Mom, to her kids: Your mama’s booty is gonna come in handy tonight!
–41st & 3rd
Overheard by: allison
Teen boy: So when you said you loved her, did you say you loved her booty?
–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Mom, to her kids: Your mama’s booty is gonna come in handy tonight!
–41st & 3rd
Overheard by: allison
Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you?
–Prince St
Overheard by: Kristen W.
Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non-smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight.
–British Airways Flight to Heathrow
Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution!
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: voluptuousgrl
Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch.
–Hop Scotch Cafe
Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack.
–4 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: Christine
Mom to seven-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke.
–Intermission, Rent
One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he's lookin' at me like he ain't never seen nobody stealin' before!
–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick
Overheard by: matthias
Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls' shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ali
Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Renny
Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he'd go steal it for me. That's what sticks with you, you know?
–1 Train
Overheard by: RDM
Thug: Yo, baby! You so sexy! You look just like Ugly Betty!
–26th & Lex
Overheard by: Myrtle
Wandering popcorn vendor : Popcorn! Get your sexy popcorn here!
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Mets Fan
Ghetto mom to young sons: Where my sexy glasses at?!
–W 96th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Megan W.
Teen thugette: You know who sexy? Mickey Mouse. That nigga sexy!
–Q11 bus, Queens
Jogger: I’m checking out my shadow to see how long my hair is in the back — it’s fuckin’ sexy!
–Central Park
Man: I love sexy cheese. I love sexy cheese!
–Outside Fordham University
Overheard by: …sexy cheese?
Hobo, after playing keyboard and screaming Christmas carols: Ladies and gentlemen, if you have any change I would greatly appreciate it. It would be going to a good cause — I need a lot of therapy.
–L stop, Union Square
Overheard by: sunny maguire
Crazy hobo to no one: It’s the Hudson River — it moved! On Christmas day, it will be April 15th. Sign my petition.
–M15 bus, Ave A
Overheard by: Getting off at next stop
Hobo: I’ll be your lover for a month if you buy me a motorcycle.
–79th & Broadway
Hobo to puddle: You don’t fucking know, man. Shit. You don’t fucking know.
–Penn Station
Homeless woman at 11 in the morning: I’m sorry to bother you all. I am homeless, and I haven’t had a decent meal since earlier today.
–F train to Brooklyn
Overheard by: I hadn’t had a decent meal at all at that time
Hobo to hobo friend: Yo, let me get your e-mail!
–W 27th St
Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that's how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.
–Fordham University
20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It's like an elevator, but opposite.
–N Train
Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me.
–Astoria
20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn't fall down an elevator shaft?
–F Train
Woman: I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe I’m being charged in connection with this crime. I mean she’s the one–she’s the one who committed manslaughter.
–Elevator, Macy’s
Cashier girl: You know, we haven’t gotten robbed in a while. I can’t believe it!
–Blockbuster, 94th & Broadway
Man: If I had anything to say him it would be this: prison is going to be hard on you because fraud is a crime!
–E train platform, 14th St
Overheard by: Cameron Rose
Dude: I’m just glad to be off the FBI’s Most Wanted list.
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Guy on cell: Guess who I interviewed today? This guy got sent to jail twice for sodomy…I had to call him back after I read that…But at least he’s not, like, a thief or something. I bet those two tear drops were for the guys he fucked.
–Union Square
Overheard by: confabulation nation
20-Something guy: It wouldn’t look good on your job application if you got arrested.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Kathy
Cop, arresting a man: I understand that, but you know it’s not really about being a good guy or being a bad guy. It’s about you taking that nice woman’s wallet.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: SUSAN
Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: "Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet."
–Union Square
Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of "What a Wonderful World": I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…
–L Train
Large woman, to the tune of "We Are All One Body": "We ain't with no retards! We man's chil'ren of the world!" (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!
–Metro-North Rail
Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: "Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!"
–51st St & Park Ave
Boy in hallway, singing: "Don't want to close my eyes, don't wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!
–NYU Dorm
Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.
–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Dara
Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty
–59th St Subway Station
Overheard by: nickporjr
Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.
–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Sean
Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!
–104th & West End
Overheard by: communist!
A homeless guy is sleeping
Other dude: You smell like you want to be alone.
–A train
