Wednesday One-Liners Are With the Band

Dr. Obvious: If you want to be a label band, you have to play like a label band.

–Bar basement, Williamsburg

Subway performer: I would like to sing you a song now, one that I wrote and I am very proud of. It goes like this, “Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend…”

–Brooklyn bound L train

Overheard by: Meg

Guy to girl: I don’t mean to be pretentious, but I have seen the Palominos live.

–CBGB’s

Karaoke singer: I realized early on that I wasn’t being sexy enough with that song, and then suddenly I was humping the air.

–Fat Black Pussycat, 3rd St & 6th Ave

Stoner: Dude, what is this band playing? Is this Phish? No, seriously. I’m really confused.

–Dave Matthews Band concert, Randall’s Island

Overheard by: Sober at Randall’s Island

Black guy: I don’t give a damn what the black people think! I want Evanescence!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Kimmie

Waiter: I had to get out of there. I’m sorry, but I just can’t listen to Tom Waits as soon as I get into work! It’s too early for Tom Waits! Let me ease into my day first. Jesus!

–Outside Life Café

Overheard by: daile

Posted on June 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Music, Singing, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

This Round's on Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.

–53rd Street E Station

Overheard by: SJG

Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.

–Lorimer & Union

Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!

–2nd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: dazed and confused

Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.

–93rd & 2nd

Overheard by: brian w

Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.

–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!

–4 Train

Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo

Posted on June 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners — You Can Count Their Ribs!

Girl to friend: I mean, he has an eating tutor.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Joel

Rabbi: Fasting is completely useless.

–Yom Kippur service, Temple Beth El

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Girl on cell: No, I think her boobs are fake. There is no way you can be anorexic and have boobs like that. I know! They look so awful! Like balloons on a broomstick!

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Chick to friend: You can lose weight just by digesting.

–Main St & Roosevelt Ave, Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Rita

Big black lady, stuck in the stall: Oh, hell no! I ain’t come in the bathroom for anorexic people!

–Stall #2, Ladies’ room, Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: Laughing in Stall #1

Posted on June 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Diet/Weight, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Domo Arigato, Mr. Wednesday One-Liner

Nine-year-old boy: Sometimes I just think I am a robot. I mean, aren't I a robot?

–E 17th & Broadway

Overheard by: definitely human

Tall guy: Yeah, you have to learn not to trust those shifty-eyed robots.

–Union Square

Hipster: And, like, he wasn't even gay… he was just not human.

–88th & Park

Comic book guy: No, not Optimus Prime. But yes, I have had sexual thoughts… about robots.

–40th & 7th

Cute chick: You don't need a sex robot to have sex with a robot.

–Old Town Bar

Overheard by: Lieut. Liplock

Posted on June 21, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pop Culture, Science, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side

Effing Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.

–110th & Broadway

Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: NYU girl

Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Helene and Alice

Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)

–M4 Bus

Posted on June 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Parks, Rack, Relationships, Students, The Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-liners and the Boob Tube

Guy: I totally agree with the idea behind Family Ties.

–Grassroots Tavern, St. Marks Place

Posted on June 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Lower East Side, TV

Women Take a Stand on Wednesday One-liners

Petite woman: Just because you are taller doesn’t mean you are stronger. I have more power in my finger than that broad! One flick from me and she’d be on her ass!

–43rd & 6th

Guy on cell: I’ve got the dogs. I’ve got your mother’s latte. I’ve got your cappuccino, and I’m willing to go back for a movie but you’ve got to drive me…Hello? Hello?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: amb

Chick: My boss never actually reads her e-mail. I forwarded her a message with someone’s address, but she only read the first line and responded “Where’s the address”? I mean, scroll down bitch! Jeeeeez.

–Maiden Lane

Overheard by: J

Yoga instructor: I am totally never going back to Dop Dop again. They kept telling people I’m really a brunette.

–Equinox, 50th Street

Girl: And you know what? After having a few accidents, I just decided to wear pads, to let it flow naturally.

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon

Woman on cell: So she says to me, “Oh, you’re so interesting”, and I’m like, “Fuck you, you fucking cunt.”

–57th & 5th

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on June 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Park Slope, Skinny People, Staten Island, Violence

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Fit Into Their Pants From College

Man: I can’t leave my door unlocked in the Barrio. Someone might sneak in and steal all my spices.

–42nd & Ditmars, Astoria

Man on cell: Now why the fuck would you go and eat my ravioli? Dat’s mine!

–42nd & Lex

Overheard by: Danny

Black tween girl: And that nigga bitch Rihanna thinks she can do ballet? Shit! I can do ballet. The only thing I ever seen that nigga do right is eat fried chicken.

–Q train

Overheard by: kb

Woman: I mean, I would have loved rice. We all would have loved rice.

–8th St between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Jaya

Chick: The other day I ate a hot dog, and it had a bone in it. I don’t know what animal they make hot dogs out of, but I’m pretty sure they don’t have bones.

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: seth kleinman

Girl: Food is like candy.

–92nd & Broadway

Shrewd observer: He is either in the Army or chews a lot of gum.

–Ludlow & Rivington

Overheard by: pete Lanpr

Lady: There ain’t no way I’m standing in front of a stove all day making tuna salad. It’s fucking hot!

–104th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fatty McFingers

Queer: Oh my God, cottage cheese is albino diarrhea.

–City Diner, 90th & Broadway