Girl #1: Yeah, when you have anal sex for the first time you shit on his dick.
Girl #2: Are you fucking serious? Like you have to take a shit?
Girl #3: No, it's like a plunger. When he pulls it out, it is just sucked out.
–56th & 9th
Girl #1: Yeah, when you have anal sex for the first time you shit on his dick.
Girl #2: Are you fucking serious? Like you have to take a shit?
Girl #3: No, it's like a plunger. When he pulls it out, it is just sucked out.
–56th & 9th
Teenage girl: My mom is always reminding me to lock my door because you got to worry about the bloods and the clots.
–Uptown 2 Train
Emo chick: So he goes to this party and he does it with this old guy. He pretty much went home with a bloody butthole.
–Roseland Ballroom
Overheard by: charlotte
Suit on cell: Never in my life have I seen that much blood in the trunk of a car.
–82nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Karyn
Small Asian girl to large drag queen: So then he, like, bit off his tongue and nearly bled to death. (long pause) Or maybe I was just high.
–Elevator, Brooklyn
Hobo to teenage girls filling up water balloons in water fountain: You're having a water balloon fight?
Teenage girl: Yeah. We have to be careful, though, they might attack us from behind.
Hobo: That's what Michael Jackson does. (walks away, leaves teenage girls in bewilderment)
–Central Park
Overheard by: Emma
Flamboyant black man #1: I just want to grab some guy and go make out in the porn room.
Flamboyant black man #2: You mean the pool room?
Flamboyant black man #1: No, the porn room…come here!
–Pop Burger, 9th Ave
Overheard by: j
Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.
–LaGuardia Arts
Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!
–LIRR
Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!
–St. Mark's Place
Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"
–13th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: kdub
Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!
–42nd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Couldn't agree more
Geeky 30-something Asian man: He keep telling me “Fuck me! Fuck me!” so I tell him “Fuck you!” and I fuck him!
Mother: (not paying attention).
Geeky 30-something Asian man: I am a man! I put my dick in him for five minutes.
Mother: (not paying attention).
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Malta Paul
Girl to guy: And then he cheated on me with his male and female cousin.
–9th & 21st, Chelsea
Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sister.
–72nd & Central Park West
Guido, getting his hair cut, in a thick Staten Island accent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can't bang your stepsister.
–Staten Island Barber Shop
Overheard by: Snewsboy
Dude on cell: Bitch, I don't care how much you give me, your ass just ain't worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sister.
–Coffee Shop, Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: really hope he didn't mean what i thought…
Girl to mother, after game: I'd rather go down on my sister than take the d train to Times Square right now.
–Old Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: datura0001
Old man in laundry room: I saw a young man the other day put about 8 Levi's in this little machine, here. They came out with soap all over them because he didn't give them enough room. I turned to him and said, "young man, you need your mother."
–25th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Adam and AMC
Old man, yelling at a passing ambulance with blaring sirens: Oh, shut the fuck up. Goddamnit!
–Broadway & Washington Place
Little old lady, passing a steep cellar: Wow. I wouldn't want to be drunk going down those stairs.
–Broome Street b/w Allen & Eldridge
Overheard by: always take the elevator
Little old lady to physical therapist: Can I Facebook friend you?
–Parkside Physical Therapy, 100th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Old Greek man to another: Ya gotta use ya mind, ya money, and ya mouth. Mmm. The three Ms.
–Ditmars
Overheard by: ashley
Old lady with walker to nurse: I just love fresh air and a cigarette.
–5th & B
Overheard by: Adam Glaser
Older man to waiter: You didn't tell me that soup wasn't included. I can't believe you're charging someone of my generation for soup. I shouldn't have to pay for just water, chicken, and rice. Some of us here are on a fixed income. (to neighboring table) You be careful! Your bill's going to come to $30! (pays at register) You should have told me. Now I hope you're happy that tomorrow an old man won't be able to afford his medicine.
–New Wave Cafe, 79th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Dude to girl: Just yesterday I was smoking a joint and my grandma was all "that smells good, Johnny, that smells good."
–Hop Scotch Cafe
Overheard by: bildita
Girl: Speaking of back-door entry, my grandma sent me an e-mail the other day.
–A Train
Overheard by: naiad
Woman: He's just lucky I learned some tricks from his great grandma.
–Dekalb Ave & Ashland Place
Guy to girl: You look like one of them li'l ass frilly dolls my grandma have on her bed. Cute. (girl stares) What, I'm not gonna get a thank-you for that?
–Canal St.
Overheard by: The
Girl to friend: And so my grandmother was that mail order bride!
–Beauty Salon, East Village
Overheard by: moca
Hot girl: Every time I look in the mirror, I cry a little bit inside.
Hot girl's friend: Why? But you're like so pretty.
Hot girl: For all the ugly people out there who must feel so unsatisfied with themselves and their nonexistent sex lives when they look at me and think, “wow if only I had such assets. If only my butt jiggled like that.”
Hot girl's friend: What is with you and your obsession with anal intercourse? You can have a perfectly balanced sex life and not engage in anal sex.
Hot girl: Not if you're Italian.
Hot girl's friend: Ohhh, so that's why Italians have such nice asses. All that thrusting must widen the butt cheeks tremendously.
–64th & 1st
