Ghetto Thug: Pssss! Nigga woman, you got a mad fine piece of ass. Let me get in that, yo. Check it!
Scared Woman: You wish! Get away from me before I go get that cop over there.
Ghetto Thug: Bitch, I's just payin' you a compliment. Shit!
–Jamaica Station, Sutphin Blvd
Drunk high-class hooker: I wanna tell you a joke.
Drunk suit: Okay, what is it?
Drunk high-class hooker: What is the definition of “indefinitely”?
Drunk suit: I dunno, what?
Drunk high-class hooker: When your balls are against my ass, you're in… definitely!
–Del Frisco's Steak House
Overheard by: the itis
Drunk old man: Ain't nothing wrong with hot butt naked sex! Ain't nothing wrong with it, am I right?
Passing teen girl: Nothing!
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: In Agreement
Young JAP: So I heard they were doing anal at this party and he hit this nerve in her ass, and she started shitting all over her mom's bed.
Random guy, muttering: That's soooooo hot.
–1 Train
Overheard by: ugh
Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!
–A Train, Grand Central
Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Chadwick
50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!
–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lea
Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.
–Sheridan Square
Overheard by: Suze Volchok
Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.
–Prince & Sullivan
Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.
–Q27 Bus
Overheard by: hey! i go there …
Man #1: I don't want to take it in the ass.
Man #2: What does it matter? Everybody is taking it in the ass.
–28th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: danny
Hobo, interrupting a guy and a girl: Excuse me, could I bum a cigarette or get some spare change?
Young man: I'm low on cash and sorry, but I have a cigarette for you. (hands hobo a cigarette) Do you need a light?
Hobo: Nope. (walks away)
(young man and woman continue conversation, hobo comes back and interrupts again)
Hobo: Can I ask you a question?
Young man: Shoot!
Hobo: What does Matt Damon's dick look like in Audrey Hepburn's ass?
Young woman: Trick question.
(hobo gives them the finger, walks away)
–Central Park
Girl #1: I can't believe John lets that guy fuck him in his ass…I mean, he's got to have hemorrhoids.
Girl #2: I know, I hate hemorrhoids, you really got to guard against that shit.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Atrain
(girl flips off hecklers in a car)
Guy in car: Oh yeah, sweetie? Why don't you stick that up your ass?!
Girl: Maybe if I made it into a fist you'd want to stick it up yours.
–30th Ave, Astoria
Punk rocker to ghetto chick: Say…you ever been fucked by a smelly guy in a banana suit?
–J Train
Overheard by: Markthrone
Loud, laughing redhead on cell: Ha ha! I'll plant another pear tree, and that will be Tricia!
–W 57th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Brosef to girls (oddly aggressively): Which do you like more, bananas or oranges? Say it!
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Rooting for bananas
Guy on cell: Did you order the poster of the banana?
–Central Park
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Overachiever mom to 5-year-old girl: No, I'm not saying that you have to have a piece of fruit. I'm saying that when we get there, you'll get to choose. It'll be your choice. You can choose fruit or you can choose a granola bar. (pause) Of course, fruit is the healthier choice.
–7th Ave & 26th St
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Heavily tattooed man: So we started playing this game. We shoved grapes up her ass, and she had to drop them in a martini glass.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Housey
