Guy, looking at historic buildings: This is the kind of thing they should have taught us in school.
Girl: Yeah, there's a lot of things that schools didn't teach us.
Guy: I think a bug just flew into my nose.
Girl: What?
Guy: It's squirming around in there. It's really uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it.
–Governor's Island
Overheard by: Kevin
Girl #1: I really hate Melissa Joan Hart.
Girl #2: How come?
Girl #1: I don’t know…her lazy eye really bugs me.
–10th & Broadway
Anthropology professor: If you have a young girl with a knife who starts ripping up her chest, wipes off the blood, and starts rubbing ash onto her, you might call her eccentric.
–SUNY
Stony Brook, New York
Overheard by: I don't think I'd call her at all.
Man: Don't worry, when your up there shakin' your booty, ain't nobody gonna be lookin' at your stomach!
Woman: You're right.
–Borough Hall Courtyard
Overheard by: Nacona
Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs.
–Park Slope
Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out!
–LIRR, Huntington Line
Overheard by: I <3 Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it!
–Lafayette St
Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw.
–Grand Central Station
Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread.
–Fordham Law School
20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: BrooklynBorn
Dude looking at girl shoes: If I were a chick I'd wear the ugliest shoes, I swear.
–5th Ave
Woman on phone call with son's teacher: I know he's in the big boy group, but if you see he put his shoes on the wrong feet again, could you just let him know, please?
–57th St & Madison
Four-year-old girl: My toes are in my shoes!
–Bus
Overheard by: vcstr
Girl, with pride: I can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes. My feet are so black and blue, and so are you!
–F Train
Overheard by: Ofelia Hiney
Gay guy to friend: Oh, c'mon, at its best, The Wizard of Oz is just a story about two women fighting over a pair of shoes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Paul N.
Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Alyssa
Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!
–Starbucks, 8th & 39th
Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!
–Times Square
Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best
Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years…
–Duane Reade
Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.
–48th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rebecca
White girlfriend to Asian boyfriend intentionally blocking the door: What are you, 12 years old?
Asian boyfriend: Only from the waist down.
–76th & Columbus
Male flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, JetBlue welcomes you to the city which all other cities are reflections of… welcome to New York.
–JFK
Overheard by: SJK
Pilot over loudspeaker: Alright folks, get into your seats quickly. You don't have to love the person next to you and this ain't a furniture store.
–JFK
Overheard by: Allie
Witty flight attendant: And in case that you have not been in a car since 1962, I will now demonstrate how seatbelts work.
–JFK
Flaming flight attendant: In the event of a sudden change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. If this should occur, you may scream, then place the mask over your mouth and nose…
–JFK
JetBlue pilot: I hope you all enjoyed the flight. If you have any questions, please e-mail them to the Continental Airlines e-mail. Thank you for flying JetBlue.
–JFK
Overheard by: lonely passenger
Guy on cell: Yo baby, you better be keeping that pussy wet for me.
–Fulton & Gold
Overheard by: Prof A
