Suit #1: Do you lose toenails periodically?
Suit #2: Seriously, I won’t bone your sister.
–Midtown
Suit #1: Do you lose toenails periodically?
Suit #2: Seriously, I won’t bone your sister.
–Midtown
Girl: He’s like, "Why so cold?" and I’m like, "You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear."
–43rd & 9th
Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ruin our friendship?
–W 4th Street
Eight-year old boy: Can I please lick your eyeball, mom?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: thankfully, not the mom
20-something woman talking to friends: So, having some guy really close to your ear with his tongue out is the most horrifying thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the subway. He emptied, like, an entire tube of toothpaste on my hair and back and then proceeded to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bathroom. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I didn’t feel clean until I got home and took a shower.
–Gift Shop, The Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Lauren Weiss
Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.
–Astor Place Subway Station
Overheard by: Shane and Sammy
Pretentious redhead: So I said, "Please don’t lick me. I’m just trying to do my job."
–Uptown E Train
Overheard by: wondering where she works
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Station police officer, please apprehend the man holding the doors in the 6th car. (pause, then doors close) Hahaha, that always works.
–B Train
Overheard by: JustMe
Conductor: The door in car number two is not working, if you are looking at this door not opening I recommend moving, youuuuuuuu might want to move.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Brian Broker
MTA engineer: Please use all exits. For the love of god, people, use all the doors to get out of the train. What the fuck, people, use the doors. Thank you.
–G Train
Overheard by: lolz
Conductor: Please stop holding the doors. (people continue to hold doors). I'm already on the clock, I have nowhere to be.
–A Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Disgruntled subway conductor: Listen up, y'all! This train needs to move! Do not try to hold open the doors! Do not run at closing doors! Do not stick anything in the doors! That includes arms, legs, obnoxiously expensive purses, children, animals, whatever! Let's go!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Conductor: Please stand clear of the doors or it will bruise yo face.
–C Train
Overheard by: Chris
Woman #1 (searching for seat in crowded theater): Is this seat taken?
Woman #2: Oh, no sweetie, this one will make your butt cramp up. I keep tryin to sit in it but my leg keeps goin numb! It's such a bad butt cramp seat.
Woman #1: I'll take your word for it.
–Lowes Cinema, 3rd & 11th
Suit to another: He was just lucky not to be fucking someone in his family!
–Trump Building
Overheard by: Guess I'm lucky too
Gamer on headset: Dude, you are not listening to me. You can't hear me. You know why? Because you have no ears. You're the product of two retarded cousins fucking each other.
–Queens
Girl: He looks like my uncle… the one I'm really attracted to.
–Governors Island ferry
Overheard by: boring
Male passerby: I wouldn't fuck my family, but…
–4th Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Jessica
British professor wearing bow tie: It's fascinating just how exciting incest is!
–Silver Center, NYU
Guy Clubber: Hey, Shorty!!
Girl Clubber: Ya?
Guy Clubber: I just got to tell you that you have the best forehead I’ve ever seen…but don’t get too cute.
Girl Clubber: Umm…OK?
–Club NV, Soho
Overheard by: Debony Miller
Guy: So you don’t think neck tattoos are sexy?
Girl: No.
Guy: What do they make you think of?
Girl: Prison.
Guy: What if I get my name in Hebrew?
Girl: Jewish prison.
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh
Five-year-old son: Daddy, I'm really hungry.
Dad: (ignores him)
Five-year-old son: Daddy, I'm really hungry!
Dad: Well, then eat your head!
–87th & 1st
Little girl #1: That’s a pooty.
Little girl #2: My mom has one with gray hair.
–The Gap, 86th & Broadway
Overheard by: DJ Cayenne
Mother: I ran into cousin Seth here the other day.
Two-year-old son: You mean, you hit heads? (taps forehead)
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
