DVD salesman: I couldn’t give you a better deal if I slid down the chimney.
Little girl, whispering glumly: But we don’t have a chimney.
–A train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: VassarBoy
DVD salesman: I couldn’t give you a better deal if I slid down the chimney.
Little girl, whispering glumly: But we don’t have a chimney.
–A train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: VassarBoy
Harried groom, shouting: Is there anyone here who has a valid ID who can be a witness for my wedding ceremony?!
Guy on line: Sure, I’ll do it. [Turns to woman at the window.] Wait, can I be a witness for this guy and still be a witness for them back there?
Woman at window: Um, no.
Harried groom: Is there anyone here who has a valid ID who isn’t already a witness who can be a witness for my wedding ceremony?!
–Marriage license office, County Clerk, Brooklyn
Overheard by: fiancee of the guy who ended up witnessing
Elderly shopkeeper in the pouring rain: Hey! Hey, amigo! When you go home, don’t take shower. You save money on bills.
–Morgan & Flushing, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Man: How’s this?
Woman: Like that, but way more sequins. It’s got to catch the eye!
–Kohl’s, Bay Parkway, Brooklyn
Short, fat sista: If she was only around my age, then I wouldn’t mind a slave for life.
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: tuna on rye
White guy in scrubs: Wow. Now I know what it felt like to be in the bottom of a slave ship.
–Crowded Franklin Ave 2/3/4/5 platform, Brooklyn
Overheard by: pmd
Punk girl to friend: I’m going to make him my Ukrainian sex slave!
–N 4th St & Driggs Ave
Overheard by: Hipsterrrrrs
Dude: Yeah, well, let me say this in English — she got arrested for selling people…
–Madison Square Garden
Black girl watching Asian girl mop floor: Slavery is back!
–NYFA, Union Square
Overheard by: kswin
Hot lesbo to another: You already have two girlfriends — you don’t need another boyfriend!
–92nd & 2nd
Hipster guy: Well, it’s not like I’m into men, but there aren’t really any girls around right now… It’s convenient! At least I’m getting laid!
–In front of Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Rowan
Mini thug with girlfriend. You know, baby, I just get homo sometimes.
–115th & Lenox
Wannabe lesbo: … And I was like, ‘What, just ’cause I like to sleep with men, that makes you more gay than me?!’ And she was like, ‘Uh, yeah.’
–Bedford Ave & Lincoln Pl, Brooklyn
Overheard by: equally gay
Fag hag to queer friend: She is so ruining my heterosexual life!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: j
Hipster dude to pals: I gotta go! I just found out this guy is bi!
–Parsons the New School for Design
Chick to another: She was a little bit bisexual in Hong Kong. But, then, who wasn’t?
–1 train
Old lady to other: Oh… S & M… Do you like to be the dominant one?
–El Greco Diner, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Girl boarding elevator, to friend: So, it’s not good when you have to ask your boyfriend if he’s ever whipped himself… [Notices other people on elevator] Oops.
–Elevator, 34th & 1st
Chick to another: We all assume that one day you’ll be married with kids… Probably with a dungeon in the basement, but nonetheless.
–House party, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: McFreaky
Leather goods hawker: I’ve got leather everything! Leather thongs, leather socks… I got a leather condom with a zipper up the side!
–Orchard, near Rivington
Overheard by: losaida
Man: That Chinese lady liked it when I whipped you.
–G train
Overheard by: Jordan
TA to another: I love that we’ve been e-mailing about a student’s paper under the subject line ‘Fetish Ball.’
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Small child, happily: … And that’s the kind of pain that never goes away!
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily Star
Guido #1: You know, if a toosami hit the beach, it would flood all the way up to here.
Guido #2: A what?
Guido #1: A toosami. Like in India. You know, a tidal wave.
Guido #2: You know, I don’t wanna laugh in your face, so why don’t you just shut the fuck up…
Guido #1: What?
–Prospect Park SW
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Short Latina #1: You could never be a model.
Short Latina #2, concerned: Why?
Short Latina #1: Your ass is too big.
–5th & 5th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Andrea
Headline by: Gimpy
Runners-Up:
· “America’s Next Bottom Model” – Fierce!
· “At Least I Don’t Have My Head in Mine” – Drewp
· “But I Smell Like Vomit and Cigarettes!” – Ba-Dunka-Dunk
· “I Can Hear Your Thong Screaming For Help” – Darryl S
· “Those Are My Breasts; I Sling Them Over My Shoulders So That I Don’t Kick Them When I Walk.” – E-man – Master of the UNIVERSE
· “What’s That Got to Do with Hand Modelling?” – KJM
