Girl #1, in dressing room: How are these pants?
Girl #2: They're too tight.
Girl #1: They's supposed to be tight.
Girl #2: But not so tight to where I can see the outline of your twat!
–Gap, Colmbus Circle
Overheard by: chokedwithlaughter
Girl #1, in dressing room: How are these pants?
Girl #2: They're too tight.
Girl #1: They's supposed to be tight.
Girl #2: But not so tight to where I can see the outline of your twat!
–Gap, Colmbus Circle
Overheard by: chokedwithlaughter
Drunk middle aged lawyer: Okay, okay, here's one…what's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
Sober man: I'm afraid to ask.
Drunk middle aged lawyer: One shucks between fits! Haw haw haw haw. (stumbles off).
Sober man to puzzled-looking woman: I'll explain it to you later.
–Alumni Cocktail Party, Brooklyn Law School
Overheard by: Big Larry
Creepy patron: How's the cheesecake?
Bored waitress: It's as close to heaven as you can get!
Creepy patron: Well, people have different interpretations of heaven.
Bored waitress: (says nothing)
Creepy patron: Mine's a warm woman.
Bored waitress: Well, we're not serving those today. Just cheesecake.
–Village Bistro
New Yorker: That's melted snow.
Female Asian visitor: What? But it's so dirty. It doesn't look like snow at all.
New Yorker: It's mixed with the dirt.
Female Asian visitor: Oh, I thought it was a dead dog!
New Yorker: What? Are you crazy?
Female Asian visitor: Wait. I need to take a picture of this.
–Midtown
Puzzled guy on cell: What kind of girl calls you a "cuddly wuddly bear" and doesn't go out with you?
–The Village
Overheard by: Greene
Hobo: Hey there, folks! I'm Yogi Bear! Have you seen Ranger Rick?
–Gray's Papaya
Overheard by: Zach
Woman on cell: I'm glad the evil bear didn't kill you in your sleep!
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk girl to sober companion: Oh my god, I saw this dog the other day. It was a bear!
–Tick-Tock Diner
Outraged girl on cell: She's anti-polar bear?
–NYU Campus
Overheard by: nina
Teen on cell: Man, it's really hard to be bi-curious around gay guys you don't like.
–L Train
Older gay man: Oh, it must be wonderful to be bisexual! I mean, bilingual.
–69th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ana
Girl to friend: My boyfriend is bi. I told him I didn't want him making out with other girls. Other boys are fine, because they don't kiss on the mouth as much.
–Europa Cafe, 53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam
Large black man on cell: Yeah, you know, baby, this is the city. Eeeeverybody's bisexual!
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Modern Guilt
Conductor on loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a slight signal problem ahead of us. There are several supervisors working to flip a coin and decide how we should proceed. Once they work that out, we'll be on to 125th Street, and it should be smooth sailing from there.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Melissa
Conductor: Do not shove! Stand clear of the doors! Ladies and gentlemen, there is another train directly behind this one. Look, people, we have to work together. If you get pick-pocketed, molested, or rubbed the wrong way, you only have yourselves to blame!
–6 Train
Overheard by: wondergirl
Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Stay calm, people. We are not going down. Repeat: this is not the Titanic, we are not going down!
–3 Train
Overheard by: C
Conductor: This train will now be running express so I suggest you get on this train… Hey you! Sitting on the bench! Get on this train now!
–R Train
Overheard by: kinda scared
Train conductor over loudspeaker: Good evening, Heather.
–Stamford-Bound Metro North Train
Overheard by: Dianachka
Conductor: Attention passengers, this is the almost always delayed 6:18 express train to Long Branch. If you were inconvenienced by the delay, shame on you, you should know New Jersey transit never operates on schedule.
–NJ Transit
Conductor: This is 7th Avenue, just three blocks from the 4th Avenue stop. You could have walked!
–F Train
Guy sitting at bar: I live in the ghetto. And there's a lot of crackheads. But I'm not attracted to them.
–Mojito Loco, Brooklyn
Crackhead to gay boy: Yo, gay boy! When a crackhead asks you a question you answer!
–110th St Station
Guy to friend: The only reason I quit cigarettes was because crack ended up being cheaper.
–NYU Bobst Library
Girl on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't buy that crack then. (pause) Oh.
–Columbia University College Walk
Little girl in stroller to mother: Who made my heart, who made it, huh?
Mom: I made your heart, and god did.
Little girl: Can I eat it ?
Mom: No.
Little girl: Why not?
Mom: It doesn't taste good.
Little girl: Yes it does! It tastes like cake.
–B Train
Guy #1: So did you take her to the hospital?
Guy #2: Nah, man, I took her to Brooklyn.
–Borough Hall
Overheard by: DRC
