Black woman security guard: My coworker smoked half a cigarette and tossed it, but before it hit the ground some guy grabbed it and started smoking it.
Black guy: That shit nasty!
Black woman security guard: Sheeeit, cigarettes are $10 a pack!! That's a bag of weed, yo!
–Au Bon Pain, 35th &7th
Overheard by: Darkua
Little girl reading bar sign: Mom, what's a Stumble Inn?
Mom: It's a restaurant.
Little girl: Is it like Stumbelina?
Dad: Yeah, Thumbelina's drunk sister.
–2nd Ave & 76th St
NYU girl: There's some chick in my building dressed as a giant package of birth control.
Friend: It must be Wednesday.
–University & Waverly
Guy to girl sipping drink: Can I try some? (takes a sip) That tastes like the stuff I used to get lice out of my hair!
Girl, taking another sip: Yeah, it totally does!
Another girl at table: Gimme some!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Another Andy Samberg Fan
Nerdy tourist boy looking at display: My depth perception is yelling at me…
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: jules
Pizza guy on cell: Have a good 4th… What? No, I said to have a good 4th, not "may the force be with you." (pause) Have a good 4th. (pause) Yeah, have a good 4th, and may the force be with you. Uh- huh. Good night.
–Dekalb & Hall St, Brooklyn
Indian nerd to friends, in the midst of heated debate: Dude, vitamins are fucking weak!
–Grand Central Subway Platform
Overheard by: djprojexion
Geek on cell, in line at Comic Con: Dude, I'm at the con… It's like, ten times more awesome…than anything awesome!
–NYC Comic Con
Overheard by: RedmanInc
Nerdy guy: Some super powers come with implied powers. Like the power of flight. You assume the power of wind resistance, because you'd get pretty freaking cold flying 200 mph. But no one ever thinks of that.
–Fordham Law School
Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!
–Blake St
Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.
–Central Park
20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive…
–Grand & Eldridge
Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)
–41st & 8th
Overheard by: S&B at STJ
Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!
–2nd Ave & 5th St
Overheard by: Christian
Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.
–West 72nd Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Will
Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wait, What?
30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.
–Central Park
Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.
–87th & 3rd
Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?
–Times Square
Large black woman showing pictures on her phone: Now tell me if that ain't Daffy duck gettin' hisself a blowjob!
Young hipster #1: It definitely is!
Large black woman: Now what do y'all think this is?
Young hipster #2: I can't really tell…
Large black woman: It's a dick!
–73rd St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Tim Jones
Girl #1, holding something small and brown: I think I found mouse poop.
Girl #2: Please tell me it smells like a brownie.
–Columbia University
Girl: Ugh, I feel worse then a garbage bag full of smashed assholes.
Guy: Um, what?
Girl: It's a common saying!
–JetBlue Terminal, JFK
Overheard by: I'm with the guy on this one
