Wednesday One-Liners Only a Mother Could Love

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!

–Abingdon Square Park

Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michael O'Connor

Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on October 7, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bus, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Men, Offers and requests, On the Bus, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pictures, Public Transportation, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Women

Spreading Your Loaves and All…

Man: I could die for a cracker.
Woman: You're really serious about that Atkins diet, huh?
Man: The closest thing I get to carbs these days is doggy style sex with you.

–5th St & Broadway

Posted on October 6, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Men, Questions, Sex, The Village, Women

Single White Kidney Stone

Breakfast lady: So it's like me and her have the same health history.
Breakfast parents: Oh, yeah?
Breakfast lady: Yeah, I had just come home from the doctor and I called her, and I was telling her what happened and she goes “oh my god! I have to pass stones, too!” Her doctor said it may be hereditary, though.

–Marriott, Times Square

Posted on October 6, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Families, Health and Hygiene, Hotels, Medicine, Parents, Times Square

Donald Duck Makes Announcements on the PA System

Girl #1: I think the subway is, like, the Disney Monorail of New York City.
Girl #2: Yeah, but underground… Wow, I never thought of it like that!

–N Train

Overheard by: Lauryn McC.

Posted on October 6, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Disney, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Public Transportation

McWednesday One-Liners

MTA conductor: This train is going to run express. The next and last stop is McDonald's… I mean Astoria-Ditmars Boulevard.

–W Train

British teenager: They didn't even spell it right, it's "Mac Donald's," not "mc"!

–McDonald's, Bowery & Bayard

Student to class: I ate a McGriddle last week, and it was like eating a baby angel.

–Classroom, NYU

Frantic foreign lady: Is this the train that goes to McDonald's?

–F Subway

Overheard by: laura

Posted on October 4, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Junk Food & Fast Food, NYU, On the Subway, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Call It an “Eating Plan”

Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!

–Blarney Rock Pub

Overheard by: Ant928

Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.

–Union Square

Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.

–Chipotle, Broadway

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!

–7-Eleven

Overheard by: CatVonD

NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: melbert

Posted on October 4, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Students, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Are you fcuking kidding me?”

Suit #1: So how was working in the Atlanta office? Hook up with any girls there?
Suit #2: Man, every girl in that city who’s over 21 is either married or divorced. Lots of good-looking ones, though. But it’s like you think you’re in Barney’s and it’s really Salvation Army.

–Park & 48th

Posted on October 4, 2014
Age/Aging, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Jobs & Careers, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Sex & Relationships, Suits, U.S. Geography

When Crying “Wolf” Got Old, Peter Turned to This

Man on the street: Jesus loves you!
Teenage boy: I know he does!
Man on the street: Jesus is coming!
Teenage boy: Jesus is always coming.
Man on the street: He’s really coming this time!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Maya G.

Posted on October 3, 2014
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, God Squad, Jesus, Preachers, Teens, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

–Fulton St

Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!

–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn

Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.

–Downtown 2 Train

Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!

–10th & 53rd

Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.

–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Bryan Bruner

Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.

–Metro-North Rail Tracks

Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice

Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez

Posted on October 3, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Babies, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Family Ties, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Poop, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prison, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

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