Little girl: Look at all the balls!
Dad: No! No! Don't touch them!
–79th & Lexington
Overheard by: chiggie
Little girl: Look at all the balls!
Dad: No! No! Don't touch them!
–79th & Lexington
Overheard by: chiggie
Teenage girl: But it's not a squid, it's an octopus.
Father: It's a cephalopod.
Teenage girl: But if it just rose out of the water, all of a sudden, and grabbed hold of the bridge, what would people scream? “Help! It's a giant cephalopod!”?
Father: The more erudite among them would scream that, yes.
Teenage girl: (laughs)
Father: Actually, I think they would just scream, “Aaaarggghhh!”
Teenage girl: Stop it! People are staring!
Father: But I find it hard to believe that something that big could just sneak up on people.
Teenage girl: Yeah. If it existed, they would have found it by now.
–Brooklyn Bridge
Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the second-biggest butt! Seriously, what is wrong with them?
–6th Ave & 12th
Woman getting on a crowded train, looking for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of behinds on this train!
–N Train
Overheard by: Some behind lucky enough to find a seat.
Thug to another: After I wipe his ass, I'm gonna beat his ass!
–86th & Park Ave
Woman on cell: So, what are you going to tell him? "Sorry, I can't marry you–your ass is broken"?
–1st & 23
Teen to friend: Why didn't he use a tennis racket? It would have left that waffle fry look on your ass.
–Bus to Penn Station
Skipping tween girl to metrosexual father: I've seen your butt, you know!
–72nd & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Shannon
Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Rehey
Son: Dad, you want my banana?
Dad: Hell, no, I don’t want your banana! That don’t even sound right!
–M9 bus, Ave B
Overheard by: JennPee
Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.
–W 13th St
Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?
Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.
–4 Train
Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.
–Christopher St
Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.
–Times Square
11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.
–Bronx Playground
Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!
–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Teen daughter: Amy Winehouse just won all the Grammys.
Father: That’s not right. They shouldn’t be doing shit like giving people in jail awards.
–26th & 9th
Young father: Here we are — New York City! The greatest city in the world.
Four-year-old son: Even better than Hoboken, Dad?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Phil
Guy: If I ever beat my kids during Christmas, this is the song I’d play.
–Ulysses, Pearl Street
Overheard by: Dennis Sugrue
Black kid to father: Dad, were you ever a slave?
Father: No, son.
Black kid: Was I ever a slave?
Father: No.
Black kid, sighing: Good.
–Doctor's Office, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Mike F.
