Girl #1: I have a dirty, pathetic crush on Octavian. But really only when he's Octavian. Caesar Augustus, not as much.
Girl #2: I can definitely see that. He was pretty cute. And he was the emperor.
Girl #1: If I'd been around, I would have knifed that Livia bitch and totally tapped that ass. (pause) That imperial ass.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: I'll be your emperor
Girl #1: So he's like, “I saw your Facebook photos of you outside of your work uniform. You really like to party.” And I'm like, “Well, I'm 25 and single, what else do you think I like to do?”
Girl #2: Yeah, I mean really. But you know, it's assumed that if you're under 27, all you do is party and sleep around.
–Kew Gardens
Overheard by: CollegiateCutie
Guy, after lengthy technical explanation: Yeah, so SPF 10 is only twice as strong as SPF 5.
Girl: Now I get it.
–Elevator, 39th & 2nd
Overheard by: kerin
Girl #1: Say it! My boobs are juicy and delicious!
Girl #2: No!
Girl #1: Come on, say it! You know it's true!
–91st St & Madison
Girl on train #1: Yeah, that was when I was snorting coke out of Maya's fake nails.
Girl on train #2, appalled: Ew! That's so dirty!
Girl on train #1: It was spring break in Mexico, everything was dirty.
Girl on train #2, shrugging: True.
–A Train
Girl: Oh, so new thing: if I smoke with my left hand, that will make me more ambidextrous.
Friend: No.
–43rd St & 6th Ave
Girl #1: Yeah, when you have anal sex for the first time you shit on his dick.
Girl #2: Are you fucking serious? Like you have to take a shit?
Girl #3: No, it's like a plunger. When he pulls it out, it is just sucked out.
–56th & 9th
Girl to friend: I helped a tourist the other day. That's not me, I'm a bitch.
Hobo, eavesdropping : Yeah, you are.
Girl: What?
Hobo: You're a bitch.
–Union Square
Hipster to texting friend: You get service on the train?
Cute girl: I get service everywhere…
(they stare at each other awkwardly)
–Uptown 1 Train
Teenage girl: My mom is always reminding me to lock my door because you got to worry about the bloods and the clots.
–Uptown 2 Train
Emo chick: So he goes to this party and he does it with this old guy. He pretty much went home with a bloody butthole.
–Roseland Ballroom
Overheard by: charlotte
Suit on cell: Never in my life have I seen that much blood in the trunk of a car.
–82nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Karyn
Small Asian girl to large drag queen: So then he, like, bit off his tongue and nearly bled to death. (long pause) Or maybe I was just high.
–Elevator, Brooklyn
