Then She Pepper-Sprayed Me and Ran Off with the Book

Latina girl #1: Oh my god, I was, like, so excited for Christmas, 'cause I thought my cousin was gonna get me that ill jacket I saw at the mall but he got me… (pauses for effect)
Latina girl #2: Oh my god, whaaaat?
Latina girl #1: The Twilight series!
Latina girl #2: Oh my fucking god, are you serious?
Latina girl #1: Yeah! And I was like, “papi, I need a new bookshelf for my Twilight books, you know?
Latina girl #2: Yeahhhhh.
Latina girl #1: Yeah, so then he was like, “aight, I'm gonna get you that bookshelf.” It was sooo exciting.
Latina girl #2: Didn't you already have the first book?
Latina girl #1: Yeah, I did. But I lent it to Jean Carla, and she gave it back to me last week. Oh man, I'm so protective of it, and it got bent. I was on the train, trying to bend it back, and I was like so upset, and this lady came up to me and was like, “sweetie, you alright?” and I said, “no. I won't ever be alright.”

–N Train

Overheard by: No Longer A Twilight Fan

Posted on June 16, 2009
Books & Writing, Clothing, Family Ties, Gifts, Girls, Latinos, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity

Plus I Had to Be Bedridden and Quarantined Every Time I Got My Period

Old woman with husband, reminiscing: When I was younger I had an art degree from Cooper Union, had a fantastic graphic design job. I had a great career going for myself. And then guess what happened.
20-something girl: You got married?
Old woman, shocked: No! How old do you think I am? That we're from the 1800s? (pause) Computers. That's what happened.

–Times Square

Overheard by: RCS

Posted on June 14, 2009
Age/Aging, Computer, Couples, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Marriage, Questions, School and studying, Time, Times Square

Tyger Tyger?

Ditzy blonde #1: How was your night?
Ditzy blonde #2: It was good. I just saw a guy's face catch on fire!
Ditzy blonde #1: Ohhhh!
Ditzy blonde #2: It was crazy cuz I had just, like, used that same lighter and then it like, burnt his eyebrows off.
Ditzy blonde #1: Ohhhh!
Ditzy blonde #2: That's the third person I saw get burned in the face this week!
Ditzy blonde #1: Ohhhh, no!.
(silence as they eat pizza for a minute)
Ditzy blonde #2: Speaking of which, do you know who else was burned in the face?

–6th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Ashley

Posted on June 14, 2009
Accidents, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Girls, Idiots, Questions, Stupidity

Remember When He Brought Home The Layin' King?

Girl #1: Yeah, and then my dad brought home Dumbo, to watch for himself!
Girl #2: Yeah, but at least it wasn't porn.

–Fordham University

Posted on June 12, 2009
Disney, Fordham, Girls, Movies, Parents, Porn

The Melting Pot at Its Finest

Little boy dancing in circles: Challah for a dollah! Challah for a dollah!
Babysitter: Holla? Like “holla back”?
Little boy, stopping dancing: No, fool! The bread! (resumes singing and dancing)

–MoMa

Posted on June 11, 2009
Dancing, Food, Girls, Kids, MoMA, Singing, Words

I Was Told There'd Be No Wednesday One-Liner on This Exam

Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there are four doors on each subway car. If one of them is crowded, walk over to another door. Seriously! We do not need 86 people standing at 86th Street. Just move to another door. It's simple mathematics!

–C Train

Teen shopper to friend: I like hate math except for like…when I'm counting calories and stuff.

–Fashion Closet

Girl to guy: Some people believe in the laws of attraction, I believe in the laws of subtraction.

–Bus Stop Cafe

Pharmacist to another: What's one half of a half?

–CVS

African-American father to five-year-old daughter: You see? That's why I send you to a Chinese school. Because those Chinese kids know how to do math. You gotta know how to do math if you want to make something of yourself. If I sent you to a black school, you'd just turn into a crackhead. If I sent you to a white school you'd turn into an asshole. But those Chinese kids, man, they know how to do shit.

–4 Train

Teacher: And if your friend comes up to you and says, "man, yesterday I had cosecant pi plus cotangent 2 pi slices of pizza today," …and you went and figured it out, you'd look at him and say "man, you're an asshole!"

–Hunter College High School

Overheard by: Kevo

Posted on June 10, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Dads, Diet/Weight, Education, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hunter, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pizza, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Science, Store, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Your Editors Have Seen All These Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: Oh my god, I was watching some porn the other day and saw the creepiest thing! (pause) No, it's not a penis. I've seen penises before. (pause) No, it wasn't an ugly penis. That would be like…what, a herpes penis? (pause) So anyway, I was watching this porno, right? This guy lubed up his head and stuck it into a vagina. Like, up to his friggin'…past his nose! (pause, then laughing) I get off on lubed-up heads? (pause) Yeah, he was bald.

–11th St & 5th Ave

Preppy guy: If it's made out of brass, it's not pornographic.

–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

Overheard by: Hunter (aka

Guy on cell: Yeah, so I got this one called Stick it in Deep.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: j

Indignant law student: Look, the fact is, the videos of animal torture were not being used for sexual gratification!

–Fordham Law School

Beatnik professor: The internet is only good for two things. Online banking is not one of them. If you online bank, then you're fucked for life. They'll steal your identity. The internet is good for porn, and for getting underwear on sale. Now, I know many people may find buying a brassiere online to be strange, but women do it anyway. Now, the internet is great for porn, but you can't do kiddie porn. If you do kiddie porn then they'll get you. We all know who they are.

–Queens College