Hipster girl: Well they said her nose was going to fall off or something, so she actually hired this dude to blow the coke up her ass. Like, that was his job.
Hipster guy: I'm jealous.
Hipster girl: I know. I have a new respect for Fleetwood Mac.
–Baluchi's, East Village
Girl #1: Is it paranoid to think that my mother is poisoning me?
Girl #2: No, not at all.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Mariya
Two high-school girls in a Super Stretch Hummer, screaming out the window with a smart-ass tone: Enjoy the movie!
Bitchy gay man in line to buy a ticket: Yeah, enjoy the fucking environment, bitch!
–Outside Sunshine Theater, E Houston St.
Overheard by: E.J.
Blonde #1: So, why don't we rent a movie? Like Grandma's Boy?
Blonde #2: But you've seen that movie like four times!
Blonde #1: I've seen the movie four times, but I've never really seen it, you know?
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Just waiting to use the bathroom
Little kid looking out subway window: Look mom! The projects!
–N Train
Overheard by: patricia
Three-year-old girl to mom looking at a painting: Why am I so biiiggggg?
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: alison
Little boy, whining to his mother while following her the wrong way through IKEA: We're never going to get out of here!
–IKEA, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lost In Space
Small child: Look at that pigeon, mommy, I want to eat it!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Natalie
Two-year-old girl (shaking her ass): Hubba hubba!
–Central Park
Little boy: Mommy! Let's go look at the hos now!
–Museum of Natural History, Native American Exhibit
Pudgy Asian kid standing in circle of sitting summer campers: The capital of Thailand is Bangkok! Who wants a tea bag?
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Thaibag
Drunk dude getting restrained: No, you don't understand. I could murder anyone! Not like my family. My family's all pussies… They're all Ricky Martin!
–Outside Nightcaps, Midwood
Dreadlocked lesbian: I can feel in my heart of hearts that you'll be okay, baby. You didn't kill anybody, you paid a guy to kill somebody.
–Lesbian Bar, Park Slope
Overheard by: gvw
Elderly Eastern European woman to elderly man: A dyke can kill three thousand woman! Most killer in de' world!
–Bedford Avenue & N 10th St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ken Thompson
Little boy exiting bathroom: You're not the only one alive here!
–Regal Cinemas, Union Square
Overheard by: MeiLi
Girl to friend: If I died, and you heard about it–please burn me.
–Astoria, 21st St
Professional woman to another: Well, because I know that you are opposed to genocide and everything…
–Union Square
Three-year-old black girl stabbing at her SpaghettiO's: Die cracker die!
–Day Care Center, Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn
20-something woman: Why do I have a phone number for "Shrek" in my phone?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Poogins
Older, bald man on phone: Mom! I told you, you don't have to call me everyday. Just call me once a month…to see if I'm alive!
–Times Square
40-something suit on cell: You know what would be fine, mom? If you just stopped calling. That'd be fine! Just fine! Of course I want to hear from you, but just stop calling. It's over. Over. Don't call no more.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Oedipus
Crazy lady on cell (at the top of her lungs): Yo, douchebag! Where are my fucking children? I want to see my children. You owe my $10,000 in child support. And you know what? They're not even your kids! Ha! Oh, and my phone's dead.
–AirTrain
White girl on phone: Well, on the phone he doesn't even sound black. So just introduce him to your parents over the phone…
–28th & Broadway
Overheard by: Vanessa
Lunching lady: She's 718, acts like she's 212…but really, she's so 516!
–4 Train
Overheard by: JC
Male kickballer: You know, I always like waking up with two testicles!
–Queensboro Oval, 59th & York
Overheard by: Me too
Bag lady outside of a shelter to another: Men think all they got to do is show us their dick and balls and we gonna be mesmerized.
–30th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Beef Cheeks
Gay guy: Yeah, I stopped watching that game after he started dressing up like a woman and kicking photographers in the balls.
–Park Ave & 20th St
Overheard by: fey
High school girl wrapping arms around other girl's shoulders: Suck my balls.
–60th b/w Broadway & Columbus
Overheard by: Krisztina
Hip girl #1: You're just jealous because the water does what I tell it to.
Hip girl #2: Yeah, but that's only because you're huge and paddle-shaped.
Hip girl #1: Hehehehehehe…
Hip girl #2: Stop, your dirty laughter is getting all over my new jacket.
–Arlene's Grocery, Stanton St
Overheard by: sophie and gabby
Boy: So, why can guys flaunt their sexual conquests and girls can't?
Girl: Well duh, that's just how biology works!
–113th & Broadway
