Wednesday Just Can’t Commit to a One-Liner

Mid-20s girl: I never date a guy who gets more than three questions wrong on the SATs. I don’t plan it, it just works out that way.

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Limey

Hipster on cell: I went through this time when I was like, ‘I could have 800 girlfriends at the same time and just not tell them about each other.’ That was much easier…

–Bedford Ave, Williamsburg

Guy pointing to nothing in particular on the sidewalk: Uh, dude, you dropped your girlfriend.

–Times Square

Overheard by: christine

Muslim woman in full abaya, dragging husband along: Right now I need to focus on my needs. Do you hear me? This is about my needs!

–Atlantic Ave, in front of Brooklyn Heights YMCA

Man to woman on the sidewalk: Well, we had our one, but it wasn’t so much a fight as it was a mini-series.

–12th, between 6th & 5th

Overheard by: Karen

Girl: My asshole boyfriend! I was just staying with him until Valentine’s Day so that I could get a present, and tomorrow he’s history! But then I didn’t even get that!

–NYU Silver Center

Posted on March 26, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Dating, Default, Education, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Holidays, Islam, Lies, Men, NYU, Promiscuity, Relationships, Street, The Village, Times Square, Tourist Attractions, Washington Square Park, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Will Sleep with You If You Hold Still

Hot lesbo to another: You already have two girlfriends — you don’t need another boyfriend!

–92nd & 2nd

Hipster guy: Well, it’s not like I’m into men, but there aren’t really any girls around right now… It’s convenient! At least I’m getting laid!

–In front of Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Rowan

Mini thug with girlfriend. You know, baby, I just get homo sometimes.

–115th & Lenox

Wannabe lesbo: … And I was like, ‘What, just ’cause I like to sleep with men, that makes you more gay than me?!’ And she was like, ‘Uh, yeah.’

–Bedford Ave & Lincoln Pl, Brooklyn

Overheard by: equally gay

Fag hag to queer friend: She is so ruining my heterosexual life!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: j

Hipster dude to pals: I gotta go! I just found out this guy is bi!

–Parsons the New School for Design

Chick to another: She was a little bit bisexual in Hong Kong. But, then, who wasn’t?

–1 train

Posted on March 19, 2008
Advice, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fag Hags, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, School, Sex, Sexuality, Street, The Village, Thugs, Tourism, Upper East Side, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for Shul

Hipster guy: I mean, she’s a Jewish. She’s not, like, a bad person, I think.

–44th & 9th

Overheard by: …right.

Dude: He’s that kind of super-serious Jew that doesn’t touch women. I think they call it ‘Hava Nagila.’

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Middle school girl trying to catch snowflakes in her mouth: These snowflakes are so antisemitic! They won’t go in my mouth!

–110th & Amsterdam

Blonde on cell: I just don’t see us working out. All my friends hate you, my mom hates you, and even my dog hates you… My mom hates you because you’re not Jewish… Yes, I’m aware I’m Catholic… Because Jews are financially secure!

–Starbucks, Upper West Side

Frustrated Jewish guy: I mean, look at these people and their Red Sox yarmulkes! What is this world coming to?!

–Judaism Debate, Cooper Union

Shiksa seeing menorah-shaped chocolates: Oooh, combs!

–Party, W 72nd & Broadway

Posted on March 19, 2008
Animals & Nature, Breaking Up, Catholics, Christianity, Clothing, College, Default, Family Ties, Fears, Girls, God Squad, Guys, Hipsters, Hitler/Nazis, Jews, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, Questions, Relationships, Rockefeller Center, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Starbucks, Stupidity, Tourist Attractions, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Words

Think She Lip-Syncs Her Fake Orgasms?

Hipster guy #1: So, did you hear about Ashlee Simpson hooking up with Ryan Phillipe?
Hipster guy #2: Who is Ashlee Simpson? Who the fuck is Ryan Phillipe?
Hipster guy #1: … Jump in front of the next train.

–1 train

Overheard by: Eric

Posted on March 14, 2008
About Celebrities, Default, Gossip, Guys, Hipsters, On the Subway

Wednesday Number-Two Liners

Hipster guy: If he would have asked me that in an interview, I would have pulled down my pants and shat on his foot.

–N 5th & Bedford Ave, Williamsburg

Tall, distraught man: Great! Now I have to hold off poopin’ for another two hours.

–Penn Station

Sleep-deprived student to friend: There is something wrong with your bowel movements!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Bailey

Booming voice from dark alley: Well, I’ll be dipped in shit!

–2nd Ave, LES

Overheard by: caroline

Man on cell: Don’t go near the elevator. There’s a pile of doo-doo there. I tried to clean it up the best I could, but there’s still some there. Be careful. I don’t want you to smear it.

–Essex St

NYU student to friend: Of course I didn’t poop in the shower… I pooped in the toilet, then put it in the shower!

–8th & Mercer

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, College, Default, Gripes, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Lower Manhattan, Men, On Cell, Penn Station, Poop, Strangers, Students, The Village, Time, Violence, Williamsburg

Hey, Wednesday One-Liners, Cold Enough for You?

Woman on Bluetooth: How’s the weather like in your New York?

–33rd & Broadway

Old lady: Geez! Man! It is really cold here! [Looks at other lady] This is why I live in Brooklyn!

–96th & Broadway

Brit tourist to another: Eeee, I knew it were gonna be cold, but I forgot we’d have to, like, go outside.

–Central Park

Overheard by: birdw0rks

Chick on cell: Why can’t you pick me up, Dad? … I don’t want to wait for the bus — it’s too cold out… Okay, thanks. See you later. [Hangs up phone.] Asshole.

–Bronx-bound 4 train

Overheard by: Sternie

Queer hipster: It’s gonna be cold this weekend. Like, negative four or negative zero.

–Essex Restaurant, LES

Pilot: Welcome aboard our plane this afternoon, with direct service to Atlanta. The current weather in Atlanta is actually colder than it is here, so it sucks to be you.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: jaybrrd

Posted on March 5, 2008
At the Airport, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Hipsters, Insults, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Pilots, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Women

No — And for Religious Reasons

Hipster #1: Have we had the bar mitzvah conversation yet?
Hipster #2: I thought you were a Mexican?
Hipster #1: I’m Brazilian. And Jewish.
Hipster #2: Are you fucking with me?

–Williamsburg

Posted on February 29, 2008
Default, Global Geography, Hipsters, Judaism, Williamsburg

… Not to Mention Non-Jews

Hipster #1: So, everybody is moving to Park Slope.
Hipster #2: Who’s everybody?
Hipster #1: I don’t know… Jews…

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Emily

Posted on February 29, 2008
Brooklyn, Hipsters, NYC Geography

So Forget Whatever Weird-Ass Fantasy You Just Had

Queer hipster: Oooh! We can share your bed!
Hipster chick: Yeah… I have a pull-out couch, too.

–Enid’s, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Jack!

Posted on February 18, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Default, Girls, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Offers and requests, Queers

Must You Criticize Me in Front of Strangers?

Black boy: Damn! Yo’ jeans are tight!
Hipster: Yeah.
Black boy: Can yo’ balls breathe?
Hipster: [Scoffs.]Black girl: Rodney, why you always gotta do that? Plus, you know your ass is dirty.

–Bergen & Smith St, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Posted on February 11, 2008
Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Hipsters, Questions

Hipsters