Wednesday One-Liners Thank God for Their Piggy Banks

Little boy,jumping up and down: The Dow Jones is up! The Dow Jones is up!

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Some Random Girl

Crazy man, shouting at no one in particular: Fuck the economy, your asshole just dropped 200 points!

–8th Ave & 19th St

Slacker on a smoke break: Yeah, McCain said he is going to suspend his campaign so that he can work on the economy. I mean, really. It would be like me saying I'm suspending my pot distribution so that I can work on quantum physics.

–Forest Ave., Staten Island

Overheard by: political listener

Hobo on subway to man in suit: Spare change? Anyone? Spare change for the homeless? You look like you worked for Lehman Brothers, you're excused.

–51st St

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on April 18, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Panhandling, Politics, Staten Island, Suits, Upper East Side, Weed, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Did Chop Down That Cherry Tree

Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Cuny Graduate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Overheard by: Squiggs

Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Overheard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!

–125th St. Subway platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.

–N Train

Overheard by: john

Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Overheard by: melissa

Posted on March 19, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Crazy, Education, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Lies, Love, Marriage, On Cell, On the Subway, Players, Politics, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

She Means Non-hairy Food

Hobo lady: Can any of y’all help me? I need some food!
Rider lady: Would you like this?
Hobo lady: What the hell is that?
Rider lady: It’s a kiwi.
Hobo lady: Bitch! I said I need some food!

–1 train

Overheard by: Owen Jacob Ghitelman

Posted on March 18, 2019
Food, Hobos, Nice People, On the Subway

“Fine, but I compound interest daily.”

Hobo: I need money for food.
Guy: Me too, mind if I borrow some from your cup?

–86th & Lexington

Posted on February 24, 2019
Hobos, Money & Class, Upper East Side

Trick or Treat with the Homeless

Hobo: …damn, this is some fucked up shit. Most fucked up shit I’ve ever seen. Motherfucker arguin’ with himself. Who argues with himself? Man, this is some fucked up shit…

–West Village

Overheard by: Matt Muscari

Posted on February 5, 2019
Hobos, Homeless, Psychology, West Village

A Pork Chop? A Mercedes?

Bum, to smoking cater waiter: Can I get a smoke?
Cater waiter: (nods saying “no”)
Bum, pulling a cigarette out of his ear: Then, can I get light?
Cater waiter: (lights it)
Bum: Can I get five bucks?

–14th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Where's your sense of rhythm?

Posted on December 30, 2018
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Free stuff!, Hobos, Homeless, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Waiters

Bonding with the Homeless (NYC Short Stories)

A hobo tells a woman: If you’re ever in trouble, come to this place, yell out my name, and I’ll protect you with my guns.

He holds up both his vodka bottles.

–World Trade Center E station

Overheard by: Ting

A hobo takes his shoes off. The woman sitting next to him gets up with a disgusted look on her face and moves to another seat. The hobo massages his bare feet and shouts to her: Yeah, well your sister is the opposite of um, uh, hot!

–E train

Overheard by: Jeni Aron

Posted on December 6, 2018
Body Parts, Drinking & Drunk People, Hobos, On the Subway

How Masons Recognize Each Other

Hobo: Chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, steak!
Asian man: Yes.

–57th & Broadway

Posted on November 11, 2018
Asians, Food, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Dicker

Little gangster kid: Yo, the last time I went fishing I got a fishing lure stuck in my dick.

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Hobo: Everybody’s somebody on my dick!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Girl, to male co-worker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light?

–Conde Nast Bldg, 57th & 8th

Overheard by: Kenzi

Woman: At least I don’t suck dicks for free!

–Broadway and Putnam, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tommi

Drunk college student: My redeeming factor is I will suck fucking dick to make money.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: dank

Guy on cell: Take it like a bowl of dicks.

–14th & 5th

Overheard by: Johnny Bonsanto

Fat guy: So I asked her, and she gave me her number, and then it was disconnected. So I went back the next week, and she wasn’t working there anymore. So I wondered, did she quit her job just to avoid sucking my dick?

–Bleecker & Sullivan

Overheard by: Caroline

Posted on November 5, 2018
BJs, Coworkers, Gangstas, Guys, Hobos, Penis, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Students, Wednesday One-Liners

It’s Her Ex

Anorexic JAP on cell: …No money, so I stopped dating him.
Hobo: Whore.
Anorexic JAP, to hobo: Excuse me?
Hobo: Nice thighs — have another doughnut.

–East Village

Posted on November 4, 2018
Anorexic, Body Parts, Dating, Food, Hobos, Homeless, JAPs, Jews, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, People, Places, Sex & Relationships, Skinny People, Topics, Union Square and East Village

Hobos