Wednesday One-Liners Need a Homing Device

Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…

–6 train

Overheard by: 21 and knows better

Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: the bfd

Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!

–Cheesecake Factory

Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Genissimo

Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!

–Outside Javits Center

Overheard by: Tara

Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?

–Max Brenner, Union Square

Posted on February 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Education, Global Geography, History & Geography, Idiots, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Not New York, NYC Geography, On the Subway, People, Places, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, The Bronx, Topics, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Venues, Williamsburg, Yankee Stadium

Wednesday One-Liners May Begin… Now

NYU student: I feel like the professor didn’t scare me enough about the final exam y’know? So then, like, I didn’t get nervous enough, so then I didn’t study enough, so then I didn’t do well on it, y’know? So, like, it’s really my professor’s fault, y’know?

–Korean deli, 13th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Joseph O’Connell

Cop: Yeah, the open-book exam? I passed it on appeal.

–45th & Broadway

Guy on cell: … Fucked me, dude. Fucked me hard. Bent me over the desk and rammed a bluebook right up my ass. Sooo fuckin’ hard…

–Union Square

Guy: I should have studied for this final… But the tequila was so good!

–NYU Silver Center

Student to professor during final: Do you want us to use our intelligence or follow the instructions?

–Columbia University

Posted on February 14, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Classroom, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cops, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, NYU, On Cell, Questions, School, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, West Village

What’s the Bad News?

Tall blonde: Didn’t you say you were getting an ice cream cake? I’m so confused.
Short blonde: There was no time for both, so that’ll have to be another break a little later.
Tall blonde: Ah, okay. I just was worried about it sitting in Accounting, so I went to get it and they had no idea what I was talking about.
Short blonde: Oh, no, no. Plus, I couldn’t carry all three. The good news — Mylar won’t melt.

–25th & Broadway

Overheard by: prciosasoy

Posted on February 11, 2007
Bimbettes, Coworkers, Food, Manhattan, Office, People, Places, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

But Who Cares about the Golden Globes?

Buddy #1: Did you see Forest Whitaker’s speech at the Golden Globes? He won Best Actor. I’m almost positive he was on crystal meth. He was, like, stuttering and his eyes were tearing up.
Buddy #2: Maybe he was emotional ’cause he won the award.
Buddy #1: [Long, reflective pause] Yeah… Maybe that, too.

–40th & 5th

Overheard by: Wubba

Posted on February 6, 2007
About Celebrities, Actors, Arts & Letters, Celebrities, Drugs, Film, Hard Drugs, Idiots, Manhattan, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Always Have a Date

Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Peter L

Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.

–Christopher & 7th

Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!

–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn

Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?

–6 train

Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!

–Victoria’s Secret dressing room

20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!

–56th & 9th

Posted on January 31, 2007
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Colors, Dildos and Vibrators, Duane Reade, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Private Parts, Queer guys, Queers, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shopping, Store, The Village, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Own Kneepads

Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.

–Fashion District

Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.

–78th St & 37th Ave

Overheard by: Jillian

Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!

–2 train

Overheard by: Macaire

Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: Jay

Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!

–2nd & 2nd

Overheard by: wishing i did soaps

Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.

–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium

Overheard by: did he get a receipt?

Posted on January 31, 2007
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, BJs, Black People, Eating Out, Homeless, Manhattan, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, School, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Topics, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Meet Refried Jean

Girl #1: I looove Mexican food.
Girl #2: Me, too… just not people ordering it while they’re having sex with me.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on January 28, 2007
Columbia University, Ethnic Food, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, People, Places, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Topics

Fucking Lightweight

Chick #1: Are you feeling better? You looked really sick last night.
Chick #2: Yeah, I felt like I got hit by a Tonka truck.
Chick #1: A Tonka truck?
Chick #2: Well, you know, I always exaggerate.
Chick #1, laughing: A Tonka truck is a toy. I think you mean a mack truck.
Chick #2: … No wonder people look at me weird when I say that.

–Ten’s World Class Cabaret

Posted on January 20, 2007
Bimbettes, Manhattan, Stupidity

Manhattan