Man: I've walked to the store enough for her. (pause) And look, I get to the top of the hill and she's nowhere in sight. What the fuck?
Woman: What the fuck? WTH?
Man: It's “F.”
Woman: What?
–Frederick Douglass Boulevard
Man: I've walked to the store enough for her. (pause) And look, I get to the top of the hill and she's nowhere in sight. What the fuck?
Woman: What the fuck? WTH?
Man: It's “F.”
Woman: What?
–Frederick Douglass Boulevard
African-American preacher: Everybody singing about Obama. Obaaaaammma. Obaaaaaaama. Obama ain't black, learn the truth, Obama is Al-Qaeda. Obama is Muslim. You know how Obama got them black man lips from smoking them Marlboro cigarettes.
Traditionally-dressed African-American man: You don't know what you're talking about, motherfucker. You were brainwashed by the white man.
African-American preacher: That's racist! The bible doesn't see in black and white. Obama's a homo! Obama's a baby killer!
–2 Train
Buff guy with tattoos: I wish I could just stop time and fuck them all!
–42nd St
Mime on cell: Who the fuck is this?
–2nd Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Jesse D
Man pacing back and forth on cell: Yo! What the fuck is up with your fucking friend Chris? He just smiled at me and said "I'm going to fuck your wife tonight," and walked away laughing. What the fuck is that all about? (pause) What! You're working a double tonight? The fuck you are! Fuck this shit! I'm coming to get you after I get off.
–210th St & Bainbridge Ave
Overheard by: Gutterlush
Thug on cell: Lavender, potpourri… Whatever the fuck you want, they fucking got it.
–Washington Square Park
Guy on cell, angrily: Yeah, well, I never want to see you again because you're such a bitch. (pause) Whatever, fuck you! (pause) Fuck me? Fuck me? (changes tone) You wanna fuck me? (pause) Yeah, I wanna fuck you, baby… (pause) Yeah, okay, I'll be right back.
–Chelsea Market
Girl on cell: And then she said "dammit, I'm in love with a 52-year-old gay man," and I was like "well, who isn't?"
–Astoria
Overheard by: AnotherFagHag
Man on cell: So I told her, "I missed you more than I loved you," but I didn't mean it in a bad way.
–6th Ave & 17th St
Overheard by: memzilla
Black student to black girl sitting next to him: See that's why niggas don't tell bitches they love 'em!
–St. John's University
Overheard by: naha
Thug on cell: No, no. I love your whole ass as issss.
–Broadway & Beaver
Girl to group of friends: Right, I'm so incapable of love because I think sex is gross!
–LIRR
Hot 20-something to another: Either he acts like he doesn't know me, or he is a total asshole. No wonder I'm in love with him.
–Union Square
Man, motioning to baby carriage: That yours?
Man with baby carriage, nodding sheepishly: Surprisingly, yeah.
–Broadway & 110th St
Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow…
–Lafayette & St. James
Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey.
–Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hunter
Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it…
–Union Square
Overheard by: wgoddessw
Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ
Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.
–Washington Square Park
Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."
–86th St Subway Station
Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?
–Bed Bath & Beyond
Overheard by: Melissa
Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.
–50th & 9th
Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.
–6th Ave & W 11th St
Overheard by: Matthew
Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: DAISYMAE
Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: Kon
Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.
–SoHo
Overheard by: seal
Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!
–38th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Kat
Man: When's your baby's birthday?
Mom: Last week.
Man: Oh, he a Gemini?
Mom: No, he a Tuareg.
Man: Oh, shoot, watch out.
–R Train
Woman: You gotta eat just the whites. When bodybuilders eat five eggs, they eat just the whites.
Man: I'm not a bodybuilder.
–28th & 5th
