Money Can't Buy Me Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: And then she said "dammit, I'm in love with a 52-year-old gay man," and I was like "well, who isn't?"

–Astoria

Overheard by: AnotherFagHag

Man on cell: So I told her, "I missed you more than I loved you," but I didn't mean it in a bad way.

–6th Ave & 17th St

Overheard by: memzilla

Black student to black girl sitting next to him: See that's why niggas don't tell bitches they love 'em!

–St. John's University

Overheard by: naha

Thug on cell: No, no. I love your whole ass as issss.

–Broadway & Beaver

Girl to group of friends: Right, I'm so incapable of love because I think sex is gross!

–LIRR

Hot 20-something to another: Either he acts like he doesn't know me, or he is a total asshole. No wonder I'm in love with him.

–Union Square

Posted on June 9, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Insults, Love, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Sex, Students, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners

His Mother Still Hasn't Forgiven Me for the DNA Test

Man, motioning to baby carriage: That yours?
Man with baby carriage, nodding sheepishly: Surprisingly, yeah.

–Broadway & 110th St

Posted on June 7, 2010
Babies, Men, Parents, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

JWowsday One-Liners

Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow…

–Lafayette & St. James

Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey.

–Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter

Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it…

–Union Square

Overheard by: wgoddessw

Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ

Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on June 2, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Black People, Bosses, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Frat Boys, Friends, Guys, Men, One-liners, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Punch, Sensory Experiences, Stoners, Teens, TV, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Will Leave You Spellbound

Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.

–Washington Square Park

Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."

–86th St Subway Station

Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Overheard by: Melissa

Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.

–50th & 9th

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bosses, Clerks, Crying, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Stupidity, Subway Stations, TV, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are “Technical Virgins”

Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.

–6th Ave & W 11th St

Overheard by: Matthew

Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: DAISYMAE

Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: Kon

Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.

–SoHo

Overheard by: seal

Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!

–38th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Backdoor, Battery Park, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Facebook, Girls, Guys, Lube, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Relationships, Soho, Strangers, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Baby's With Stupid Mothers Often Have Problems

Man: When's your baby's birthday?
Mom: Last week.
Man: Oh, he a Gemini?
Mom: No, he a Tuareg.
Man: Oh, shoot, watch out.

–R Train

Posted on May 17, 2010
Babies, Birthdays, Men, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Stupidity

My Body and I Don't Even Speak

Woman: You gotta eat just the whites. When bodybuilders eat five eggs, they eat just the whites.
Man: I'm not a bodybuilder.

–28th & 5th

Posted on May 13, 2010
Diet/Weight, Fitness, Food, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Women

WedNRAsday One-Liners

Man in bar, with the air of explaining a very simple concept: We need to shoot every fucking robber in the head, right? Then there would be no robbers.

–Midtown

Mom to son picking leaves off a potted plant: You better stop doing that or else they'll shoot you.

–Roosevelt Island Golf Center

Overheard by: erak

40-something female suit: I'm looking for a particular kind of venom for my blow-gun darts.

–The High Line

60-something woman to two admiring 30-something women: My body no longer produces estrogen and I carry a gun in my purse… Who's going to mess with me?

–Prince & Sullivan