Wednesday One-Liners Will Leave You Spellbound

Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.

–Washington Square Park

Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."

–86th St Subway Station

Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Overheard by: Melissa

Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.

–50th & 9th

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bosses, Clerks, Crying, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Stupidity, Subway Stations, TV, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are “Technical Virgins”

Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.

–6th Ave & W 11th St

Overheard by: Matthew

Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: DAISYMAE

Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: Kon

Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.

–SoHo

Overheard by: seal

Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!

–38th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Backdoor, Battery Park, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Facebook, Girls, Guys, Lube, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Relationships, Soho, Strangers, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Baby's With Stupid Mothers Often Have Problems

Man: When's your baby's birthday?
Mom: Last week.
Man: Oh, he a Gemini?
Mom: No, he a Tuareg.
Man: Oh, shoot, watch out.

–R Train

Posted on May 17, 2010
Babies, Birthdays, Men, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Stupidity

My Body and I Don't Even Speak

Woman: You gotta eat just the whites. When bodybuilders eat five eggs, they eat just the whites.
Man: I'm not a bodybuilder.

–28th & 5th

Posted on May 13, 2010
Diet/Weight, Fitness, Food, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Women

WedNRAsday One-Liners

Man in bar, with the air of explaining a very simple concept: We need to shoot every fucking robber in the head, right? Then there would be no robbers.

–Midtown

Mom to son picking leaves off a potted plant: You better stop doing that or else they'll shoot you.

–Roosevelt Island Golf Center

Overheard by: erak

40-something female suit: I'm looking for a particular kind of venom for my blow-gun darts.

–The High Line

60-something woman to two admiring 30-something women: My body no longer produces estrogen and I carry a gun in my purse… Who's going to mess with me?

–Prince & Sullivan

Posted on May 12, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Families, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Soho, Suits, Thievery, Threats, Trees and plants, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Night-Night, Wednesday-One-Liner Tight!

20-something girl: I mean, I can always sleep on top of him.

–Strawberry's, Queens Centre Mall

Overheard by: i like that option…

Man to friend: I keep having dreams about being with other women, and I've never had them before. I think it must be the time of year or something.

–Hudson River Park

Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ecstasy while I was sleeping…

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Guy on cell: That's awesome! (pause) That's awesome! (pause) Dude, that's like reverse Sleepaway Camp!

–27th & 2nd

Overheard by: liz

Nurse: I just want to stop having dreams of him saying "pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…"

–Columbia University

Overheard by: p y l

Posted on May 12, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dreams, Drugs, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Malls, Men, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nurses, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Queens, Sexuality, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Words

Not Short-Bus Slim, Either

Man, handing out newspaper to lady: You look special. (lady grabs it) Slim, I meant you look slim.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Brian H

Posted on May 11, 2010
Compliments, Diet/Weight, Men, Physical appearance, Queens, Women, Words

Wednesdays Just One-Linered in Their Mouths a Little

Three-year-old boy to mother: Mommy, there is a baby in your stomach that is making you throw up.

–G Train

Guy with hand over friend's mouth, encouraging him not to throw up: No! No! No!

–Q Train

Guy, pleading with girl: Don't go home. (pukes on self) Why do you have to go home?

–32nd St & Madison Ave

Man standing next to woman throwing up: Beans and rice… No, corn.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Julian

Posted on May 5, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Men, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Strangers, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

…and Your Little Dog, Too!

Old black woman on bicycle with yapping dog in basket: Get out of the way! Get the fuck out of the way! Get out of the way, white fuckers!
White man standing in street: Fuck you, you… non-white person!

–NYU

Posted on May 2, 2010
Black People, Insults, Men, NYU, Old People, Race, White People, Women

Translation: I Don't Read

Woman: Fridays in publishing are half days. You get out at noon.
Man, seriously: Well, publishing's a joke.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Cass

Posted on May 1, 2010
Bryant Park, Comebacks, Jobs & Careers, Men, Time, Women

Men