Middle aged man #1: I smoke a joint every once in a while with him.
Middle aged man #2: Well, it's good for you–it stops cancer. You know, the whole medicinal marijuana thing I've been reading about in the paper…
–Broadway & 84th St
Middle aged man #1: I smoke a joint every once in a while with him.
Middle aged man #2: Well, it's good for you–it stops cancer. You know, the whole medicinal marijuana thing I've been reading about in the paper…
–Broadway & 84th St
Woman, seriously: I've had a lot spilled on me.
Man, equally seriously: I've spilled a lot on myself.
–Astoria
Woman: I saw your twin! I looked up and there was this guy who looked just like you!
Man, feigning enthusiasm: Really? Was he bald and everything? Fat and short?
–32nd St & Madison Ave
Man: You're how old?
Woman: 50.
Man: Wow! You age like a Chinaman!
Woman: What?
Man: Well, a Chinawoman… Umm, you age well
Woman: Thanks?
–Brooklyn
Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don't have short term memory loss and say, "five cars, this happens all the time."
–Metro North
Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I've fucked, and have 98 kids.
–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art
Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Erika
Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!
–45th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Native Ear
20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."
–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights
Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.
–St. Mark's & 1st
Overheard by: spead
White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich
Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?
–5th Ave & 90th St
30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."
–Union Square West
Overheard by: Brian
Woman: You know what movie I just saw? Superbad.
Man: I saw that movie with my father's family. On the day of my grandmother's funeral.
–Brooklyn
Man: I've walked to the store enough for her. (pause) And look, I get to the top of the hill and she's nowhere in sight. What the fuck?
Woman: What the fuck? WTH?
Man: It's “F.”
Woman: What?
–Frederick Douglass Boulevard
African-American preacher: Everybody singing about Obama. Obaaaaammma. Obaaaaaaama. Obama ain't black, learn the truth, Obama is Al-Qaeda. Obama is Muslim. You know how Obama got them black man lips from smoking them Marlboro cigarettes.
Traditionally-dressed African-American man: You don't know what you're talking about, motherfucker. You were brainwashed by the white man.
African-American preacher: That's racist! The bible doesn't see in black and white. Obama's a homo! Obama's a baby killer!
–2 Train
Buff guy with tattoos: I wish I could just stop time and fuck them all!
–42nd St
Mime on cell: Who the fuck is this?
–2nd Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Jesse D
Man pacing back and forth on cell: Yo! What the fuck is up with your fucking friend Chris? He just smiled at me and said "I'm going to fuck your wife tonight," and walked away laughing. What the fuck is that all about? (pause) What! You're working a double tonight? The fuck you are! Fuck this shit! I'm coming to get you after I get off.
–210th St & Bainbridge Ave
Overheard by: Gutterlush
Thug on cell: Lavender, potpourri… Whatever the fuck you want, they fucking got it.
–Washington Square Park
Guy on cell, angrily: Yeah, well, I never want to see you again because you're such a bitch. (pause) Whatever, fuck you! (pause) Fuck me? Fuck me? (changes tone) You wanna fuck me? (pause) Yeah, I wanna fuck you, baby… (pause) Yeah, okay, I'll be right back.
–Chelsea Market
