Man: Oh no, someone didn't pick up after their dog.
Woman: That's a scrunchie.
–88th & Broadway
Man: Oh no, someone didn't pick up after their dog.
Woman: That's a scrunchie.
–88th & Broadway
Loud ghetto subway conductor: This train is going local. Local! Local!
(happy Latino couple bursts out laughing)
Latino man: Haha…loco! Loco!
–F Train
Overheard by: LH
Woman, pushing baby in stroller through flock of pigeons and hearing him laugh hysterically: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's the little things in life.
–76th St
Overheard by: jaytro
Guerrilla Top of the Rock marketer: Carpet munching can get you far in life.
–Rockefeller Center
Twelve-year-old girl at Tila Tequila's book signing: This is the greatest day of my life.
–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca
Overheard by: Helene and Kristina
Short fat white woman to tall older man: Well, I really have no problem with spending life in jail. I really don't.
–Father Demo Square
Man, not moving: This place is draining the life out of me.
–IKEA Store
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
Train operator: This is a life-altering bound r train. Prepare to be amazed. Next stop, Nirvana.
–R Train
Middle aged black woman on cell: Does your mother know we're married yet?
–Forever 21, Union Square
Overheard by: Sophie
2nd grader: See! This is what happens when a man marries another man! They get divorced!
–22nd & Lexington
Angry man to woman: They just had to get fucking married two days before fucking Christmas!
–Century 21
Overheard by: Amina
Dejected guy, slumping on stairs: Will you marry me?
–11th St & b/w University Place & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex Bailey
Guy on phone: She already said yes, so I don't have to get her a ring, right? (pause) Well, why do I have to get her a ring if she already said yes?
–18th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jessica Bergin
Middle aged man: So all you gotta do is pick up a gray squirrel holding an acorn, squeeze his belly, and hear him make real squirrel chatter.
–92nd & Lexington
Latina girl on cell: Chill the fuck out! Groundhog Day isn't till like June or some shit!
–PETCO, Union Square
Overheard by: Max
Girl: I tried a lot of things before I started kicking small animals.
–15th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rijita
20-something guy to another: They cost a lot but they live forever. If you get a group of like 20 elephants, you're invincible.
–1 Train
Female student: But how else would you transport the elephant?
–34th St b/w Park & Madison Ave
Eight-year-old boy, running hellbent through playground, to friend: I could tell you about Archelon, the largest evolved turtle, but there isn't time.
–Riverdale
Overheard by: Someone else's mom
Guy on cell: It was kind of like sexually penetrating cows…
–E 55th St
Overheard by: TiffanyLyn
30-something woman: I thought you lived in Jersey.
30-something man: Do I look like I live in Jersey?
–William St & Platt
Overheard by: Brunni
Urban man with bubble jacket: How do you say “animal” in Chinese? I think it's “dungkun” or “dungkuk”?
Chinese woman: You mean…husband?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Tom Fickle
Man on cell: Well, at least my dick will finally seem bigger!
–Prince St. & W Broadway
Overheard by: Johnny
Puerto Rican lady on phone to pal: Yo, his dick was mad little, yo! My son's dick is bigger than that!
–Broadway & Havemeyer, Brooklyn
Teen on cell: And you have a small penis. And you're gay.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: And I Thought My Day Wasn't Going Well
Black gay guy on cell: I feel so sorry for guys with small penises. Here I am, with a 12 inch dick and I don't even use it.
–Penn Station
Man on cell: You're dumping me because my dick is 11 inches and it's too big? That doesn't make any sense!
–Lorimer & Maujer
Overheard by: was this a lame attempt to hit on me?
Petite yuppie on phone: Oh my god! It was so small I tried so hard not to laugh! But then I decided to boost his spirit and I said to him, "is it because it's cold in here?" (pause) Yeah, you're right, that couldn't have possibly boosted anything at all. Dinner was good, though.
–N Train
Overheard by: Mefisto
Conductor yelling in Indian accent: Please get in the train, it's not that crowded. (door closes and opens again) Get in the freaking train, it's not Mumbai, there is space, and keep you limbs inside the train, please!
–E Train
Overheard by: Ting
Loud man as doors open on a packed rush-hour train: What you need to do is…put out your hand and say, "no, you will not fit." And then, if that don't work, take your umbrella, and open it up.
–4 Train
Seated woman to older lady leaning over her: Lady, back your fupa up!
–F Train
Overheard by: pwolf
Conductor: This train is tooo crowded, folks. There is another train behind us that looks just like this one. Take a look at this train, then wait for something that looks just like it.
–6 Train
Little tourist boy: There are more people in here than in all of New York!
–Dillan's Candy Store
Chick on cell: Look, there are only two people other than me who can construct a sentence that awesome: Severus Snape and Keith Olbermann, and one of them isn't even real!
–18th & 6th
Middle-aged man on cell: Hey man, guess what. I just saw Harry Potter's magic wand!
—Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: Kilfy
Chick on cell: Is he one of Voldemort's friends from high school?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Loud girl to friend: Because seriously, how many real redheads do we actually know? And Ron Weasley doesn't count!
–NYU
IT VP: This guy at work told me the ending to the last Harry Potter book before I read it. So I fired him.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Jason E
