Drunk middle aged lawyer: Okay, okay, here's one…what's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
Sober man: I'm afraid to ask.
Drunk middle aged lawyer: One shucks between fits! Haw haw haw haw. (stumbles off).
Sober man to puzzled-looking woman: I'll explain it to you later.
–Alumni Cocktail Party, Brooklyn Law School
Overheard by: Big Larry
Crazy old man: Was I fucking talking to you?
Young hoodie: Yo man, you need to calm down.
Crazy old man: Don't you fucking talk to me!
Young hoodie: Step off son, step off.
Old guy, a few seats over: Hey! (points at both men, who stop and stare) Chilly willy everybody, chilly willy.
–C Train
Overheard by: Mr. Nightingale
Teen on cell: Man, it's really hard to be bi-curious around gay guys you don't like.
–L Train
Older gay man: Oh, it must be wonderful to be bisexual! I mean, bilingual.
–69th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ana
Girl to friend: My boyfriend is bi. I told him I didn't want him making out with other girls. Other boys are fine, because they don't kiss on the mouth as much.
–Europa Cafe, 53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam
Large black man on cell: Yeah, you know, baby, this is the city. Eeeeverybody's bisexual!
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Modern Guilt
Suit to man with cat on his head: Why is there a cat on your head?
Man with cat on his head: Why isn't there a cat on your head, douchebag?
–Union Square
Crazy hobo to man trying to ignore him: Did you know that Chinese has over 50,000 dialects?
Uninterested man: Wow, that's a lot…
Crazy hobo: And there are 18 provinces in Canada, not 4!
Uninterested man: You don't say…
(very long pause)
Crazy hobo: So, what kind of medication are you on?
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Pete
Man: You know…fuck that shit.
Woman: Chuck! I've never heard you use that word before.
Man: Oh, yeah? Fuck fuckin' fuckity fuck fuck!
Woman: Wow.
Man: Fuckin' motherfucker two-ball bitch! Let's get the fuck outta here.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Joanna Lin
Old man: Give the woman your seat.
Young man: I'm not giving nothin' to no one in a North Face jacket!
–6 Train
Overheard by: DrNels
Man: Oh no, someone didn't pick up after their dog.
Woman: That's a scrunchie.
–88th & Broadway
Loud ghetto subway conductor: This train is going local. Local! Local!
(happy Latino couple bursts out laughing)
Latino man: Haha…loco! Loco!
–F Train
Overheard by: LH
Woman, pushing baby in stroller through flock of pigeons and hearing him laugh hysterically: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's the little things in life.
–76th St
Overheard by: jaytro
Guerrilla Top of the Rock marketer: Carpet munching can get you far in life.
–Rockefeller Center
Twelve-year-old girl at Tila Tequila's book signing: This is the greatest day of my life.
–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca
Overheard by: Helene and Kristina
Short fat white woman to tall older man: Well, I really have no problem with spending life in jail. I really don't.
–Father Demo Square
Man, not moving: This place is draining the life out of me.
–IKEA Store
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
Train operator: This is a life-altering bound r train. Prepare to be amazed. Next stop, Nirvana.
–R Train
