Guy holding unlit cigarette: Hey, got a light?
Woman exiting building: You're standing outside a cancer hospital, asshole.
–York Ave & E 67th St
Overheard by: quitalongtimeago
Guy holding unlit cigarette: Hey, got a light?
Woman exiting building: You're standing outside a cancer hospital, asshole.
–York Ave & E 67th St
Overheard by: quitalongtimeago
Local: Over there is yon castle. Scientists believe that the castle is haunted by the ghosts of unwed mothers.
Tourist: Sounds scary.
Local: You are wise to fear it.
–The Great Lawn, Central Park
Man: That's why I make you guys take your shoes off when we get into the house. When I was a kid, people would make their dogs poop on the street, so you had to watch where you step when crossing the street. Now it's just everywhere, all over the sidewalks.
Kid: Ew!
Man: They outta call this “Park Poop” instead of Park Slope.
Kid: Poop Slope!
Man: Haha, yeah, Poop Slope! Whoa, did you see that? That was a big one, like from a Great Dane or something!
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: elaisted
Man to tourist who has just pushed the “subway” button on elevator: That button doesn't work.
Tourist: Really?
Man: Yeah, you have to go to the main level and take an escalator.
Tourist: Oh. Then why is that button even there?
Man: To confuse tourists.
–Port Authority
Woman on treadmill: I'm big on charity. But I only like giving money to kids that are messed up. You know, the ones who get in fights, skip school…
Man on treadmill: Mmmm. You know, the other kids that don't screw up are the ones who really deserve rewards.
Woman on treadmill, skeptically: Yeah. But I like kids that are messed up. That is why I don't ever want to have kids.
–Brooklyn Heights
Man exiting subway: No, thanks, I've had enough urine in my nose today.
–14th St & 8th Ave
Guy, infatuated with female friend: If I had a pool I'd let you pee in it.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Chadwick
Sturdy guy to chubby girls: We're men! We pee in the park!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: mmhmmm
Mad boyfriend beside girlfriend: No! No! No! I know how you are! I know how they are! All you have to do is pee and…
–Steinway St.
Overheard by: Dustin
Loud girl: Ugh, I wish I had a penis so I could pee on all ya asses.
–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Amused Freshman
Little boy to brother: I have all the power! Do not make me pee-pee on you again!
–Throop & Pulaski
Overheard by: Melissa Kairuz
Black guy: That show was so white, I just wanted to bomb the place.
–W 49th & Broadway
Overheard by: Erin
19-year-old street vendor: Well, pipe bombs are easy…but they do a lot of damage.
–Chinatown
Guy dressed in sequined jacket, screaming on escalator: I can't fucking believe this fucking shit. They have no fucking radios. What K-Mart got no fucking radios? No fucking radios! (after a long pause) I'm gonna bomb this muthafucka to the ground.
–K Mart, 8th St
Overheard by: I Didn't Know the Unibomber Got a Makeover
Man on phone: Do you know why they bombed on 7/11?
–50th St & 9th Ave
20-something girl to friend, after large explosion is heard: Well, I'm from Detroit, so when I hear things like that it doesn't even bother me.
–Union Square Holiday Market
Overheard by: isa
Woman, as a grungy guy walks by: Whenever I see sullen long-haired bearded men in army jackets I am afraid something is going to get blown up.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
20-something woman: You know a lot of people are busy. Too busy to talk to you.
20-something man: What do you mean?
20-something woman: If you tried to talk to me when I got off the train, I would keep walking.
20-something man: Why?
20-something woman: Some people work hard and are too busy to talk to you. I am one of them.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Paula
Agitated man: God gave you a penis and a road map to the world! You don't need maps!
–Washington Square & University Place
Tween: God wants me to get drunk tonight!
–3rd & Mercer
Four-year-old child to mother: Mommy! We have to go to church on Sunday. God is going to repent us on Sunday!
–R Train
Overheard by: Marie
Hobo: And then I fucked god!
–Heckscher Playground, Central Park
Overheard by: Shiki
Jewish girl to friend: Oy! My bagel looks like god jerked off on it.
–Guy & Gallards, 34th & Lexington
Overheard by: Awkwardly eating his breakfast
Drunk girl to drunk friend crying on her coat: It's always so hard when you lose your soulmate in the bathroom line, but it's like, god works in mysterious ways, you know.
–W Train
Overheard by: Wes
