Young boy: Papa, did you kill grandfather?
Dad: No, I did not kill your grandfather.
–63rd Drive, Rego Park
Overheard by: Beatrice
Young boy: Papa, did you kill grandfather?
Dad: No, I did not kill your grandfather.
–63rd Drive, Rego Park
Overheard by: Beatrice
Teenage girl to friend: Boyfriends are so overrated, except not really because I really want one.
–Lincoln Center
Guy: I don't care if her new boyfriend is god–I will kick his ass!
–Church St
Overheard by: Steve
Guy to friend: Yeah, she's in Jamaica. How fucked up is that? She's 20 and in Jamaica with her boyfriend. I'm 25 and I'm standing on a train next to you.
–Metro-North
Art student: I wanna write a diary, like, "8:45, kill boyfriend."
–NYU
Man on street selling knockoff perfume: C'mon ladies, buy this perfume. It will help you get a boyfriend! Don't get a cheap boyfriend, get some cheap perfume!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Kiran
Girl to friend: From now on, I am only having sex with one boyfriend.
–Marlow & Sons
Guy: Do I look like I ordered strawberries and cream? I have tattoos on my head and face!
–Starbucks
Being a full-time tranny is like having a tattoo on your forehead. Like, you can't work, like, what do you do?
–Brooklyn
Customer to another, about barber: Take him for example, he was in the special forces. He's got a big tattoo on his arm that says, "Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out." Drop him off in Prospect Park today and tomorrow he'll be eating a sandwich.
–Park Slope Barber Shop
Overheard by: ian daywalker
Chatty young woman to bored-looking guy friend: You know, my shoes would really look a lot better if I had a foot tattoo.
–D Train
Man with tattoo that reads "don't go to hell" to friend: There's a funny story behind this tattoo. I was dating this bitch, and she would wake up every morning and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was going to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sexually, she was great. We'd go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we'd have two or three women hanging around us trying to go home with us.
–Chipotle
Overheard by: Jana
Little girl to sister: It has 140 calories in it, that could like… kill you.
–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway
Blonde girl on phone: Yeah, I need to lose like 30 pounds but the problem is that I got my body used to food.
–224th St & Jamaica Avenue
Teen girl, after being caught with empty beer cans: No! Trust me, it wasn't me. I don't drink beer, it has way too many calories!
–Park Slope
40-something mom to chubby daughter with YMCA gymnastics shirt: Don't eat here, go to CVS! Get some mints… you'll be fine.
–Wendy's At Metropolitan Ave. and Woodhaven Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: D. Scibe
Very old, overweight mother to old less overweight daughter: I need to lose 20 pounds, but you, you need to lose 40 pounds. When you're as skinny as her (points at woman working at register), then I'll buy you carrot cake!
–168th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alison R.
Women in Morbidly obesity couple walking hand in hand. The woman says "harry, I hate it when we're on separate starvation schedules."
–7th St & First Ave
White teen bimbo #1: I can't believe I got that parking ticket! Police have nothing better to do.
White teen bimbo #2, totally serious: Yeah, I mean… they still don't know who killed biggie, but they have time to give parking tickets? That's fucking ridiculous.
–72nd & Columbus
Overheard by: soyloaf
Mother: Do you need to buy some condoms?
Daughter: What? No, I am not talking about condoms with my mom. This will not happen. (mother drifts over to the condom shelf)
Daughter: No, no, no, no! What are you doing! Stop it! Stop it now! Oh god, you're actually considering the brands! Why are you… this is murder! You're killing me. You are actually killing me! I am going to die, and it will be all your fault!
–Walgreens
Overheard by: Moms, man.
Boyfriend: Who tried to poison me twice already?
Girlfriend: Hehehe… that was funny.
–26th St & Lexington
Drunk hipster: God, I just loved Charlie, why did they have to kill him?
Drunk 30-something: No, I'd do Locke, even with his crazy eye.
Drunk hipster: Oh, Sawyer's a babe.
Drunk 30-something: No shit! I'd drink beer out of his shoe.
–Sin Sin Bar, East Village
Overheard by: not as drunk
Headline by: erak
Runners-Up:
· “…And Freebase the Smoke Monster” – DCGeek
· “I’d Drink Beer Out Of a Lot Of Things, Though” – Paul. R
· “This Could Totally Be Me and My Friends” – james
· “Yeah, Well I’d Lick Jam Off Sayed’s Back Bro….” – Ria
Crazy dude with shades to woman chatting with friend: You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna blow you, suck you, fuck the two of you bitches hard, you know why? Cause I'm a faggot!
Women: (blank stare)
Crazy dude with shades: Then I can kill you, too. (maniacal laughter)
Women: (continue their jovial conversation)
–F Train
Overheard by: Craig
Guy #1: She's the kind of girl that could turn you into a serial killer.
Guy #2: Huh. Wouldn't want to go there again.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: KT
