The One-Liners on the Wednesday Go Round and Round, Round and Round…

Bus driver: This bus is at capacity, so do me a favor: Move I-N, not O-U-T, and that's what she said.

–M14D Bus

Overheard by: The Average Commuter

Bus driver: Next stop is Malcolm X… No, it's not. What's his cousin's name? Oh yeah. Next stop is Frederick Douglas Boulevard.

–M60 Bus

Overheard by: polaco

Bus driver: When exiting the bus please take all of your trash with you. If you leave it on the bus you are a horrible person.

–34th St Bus

Bus driver, singing at every stop: Fifty niiiinnnth and Central Park Souuuuuthhhh. Ladies and gentlemeeeeennnn, have a wonderful daaaaayyyyyy!

–M4 Bus

Female bus driver: Everyone, squeeze in, I won't move this bus until ya'll are behind the line. Move back! Move! Squeeze! Remember to say "excuse me"! Move back! I will pull this bus over, ladies and gentlemen, move behind the line! (everyone shuffles a few inches back) It's a miracle! Thank you, Lord!

–BX12 Bus

Overheard by: Erica S

Posted on May 5, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bus, Bus Drivers, Directions, Family Ties, God, Names, On the Bus, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Sex, Singing, Wednesday One-Liners

The Most Thrilling Conversation Leon Has Had in Weeks

Older gentleman: Man! Yesterday was my birthday. Guess how old I am?
Disinterested older lady: I dunno. 40s?
Older gentleman: I'm 53 but I still look like I'm in my 30s.
Disinterested older lady, deadpan: I'm a million years old.
Older gentleman: Where you headin'?
Disinterested older lady: Up to 125th Street, then I take the bus to Queens.
Older gentleman: Queens? I never been to no Queens. What's out there in Queens, man? I gotta visit one day.
Disinterested older lady: You ain't missing much.

–M15 Bus

Posted on May 2, 2010
Age/Aging, Birthdays, Bus, Old People, On the Bus, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Travel

Here's Dr. Seuss to Explain

JAP: So, they're opening this new pop-up shop in SoHo…
Asian friend: Why is it when white people open a temporary store it's called a “pop-up shop,” but when any other race does, it's called a “bazaar?”

–Q15 Bus

Posted on April 29, 2010
Asians, Bus, JAPs, News, On the Bus, Questions, Race, Words

Wednesday One-Liners' Meters Are Running

Girl to boy: You're just upset that I kicked you out without shoes, and I didn't give you cab fare.

–Black Bear Lodge, 3rd Ave

Guy, after cab splashed water on him: That cab just jizzed on me!

–Broadway & Eagerly

Waspy queer on cell: No, no, take the subway. Just for the experience. Don't take a cab. Cabs are for spoiled people.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl, yelling into window of off-duty taxi: Fine! We're waiting for the cash cab anyway!

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on April 28, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Bus, Cum, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hotels, Kick, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Shoes, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

But Those Colors Totally Clash.

Teen girl to guy friend: What's your favorite football team?
Teen guy: Chiefs.
Teen girl: What state is that?
Teen guy: Red and yellow. Kansas City.
Teen girl: I don't know who that is.

–Q54 Bus

Posted on April 23, 2010
Bus, Compare/Contrast, Football, Friends, On the Bus, Teens, U.S. Geography

FAQsday One-Liners

NYU girl: It's a box, though… Can you FedEx a box?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Elena

Tourist: So… Are we like, underground now?

–NRW Train

Overheard by: Stacey

Mom in toy store: Do you guys have any organic play-doh?

–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope

Overheard by: persiangroove

Teen tourist bimbo, looking at Rockefeller Center Christmas tree Swarovski tree topper: So, can we buy it?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Kaitlen

20-something girl: Wait, so what's a blog?

–55th & 6th

Thug on bus on cell: Yeah, I just got on the bus. How will I know when it's the third stop?
(goes on to get off on the second stop)

–Roosevelt Island

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Bus, Clerks, Customers, Directions, For Sale, Girls, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

Raise Your Hand If You Loved Gosford Park

Fat girl: With my connections, I could be a lawyer or executive or some nonsense like that.
Fat boyfriend: So why don't you?
Fat girl: Cuz I hate shoveling that political BS.
Fat boyfriend: So you just keep on being a janitor?
Fat girl: Maid.

–M7 Bus

Posted on April 15, 2010
Bus, Couples, Fat People, Gripes, Jobs & Careers, On the Bus, Questions

Who Insisted on a Prenup

Five-year-old girl: This is where rich people shop, right mommy?
Mother: Yes it is.
Five-year-old girl: Will we ever shop here?
Mother: Not while I'm still married to your father.

–Bus at 5th Ave

Overheard by: Cat

Posted on April 13, 2010
Bus, Kids, Marriage, Moms, Money & Class, On the Bus, Shopping

Stupid First Amendment

Girl #1: Is he reading the Bible?
Girl #2: No, it's something about Nazis, can't you see the swastika?

–Q36 Bus

Posted on March 28, 2010
Books & Writing, Bus, Christianity, Girls, Hitler/Nazis, On the Bus

New York Has a Lot Of Nice People (Don't Tell Anybody)

Large black bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, I see a lot of black people on here and you are going to have to move to the back of the bus, cause we got a bunch of white folk up here that gotta get on! (pause) I'm not kidding. If there were white folk back there I'd tell them to move, but it's all black folk, so you're gonna have to get over it and move to the back of the bus!
Large black woman to small white girl: You can have my seat if you want.
Small white girl: No, thanks… I'm okay.
Large black woman: I'm not gonna go Rosa Parks on you… You have a lot of shit… You can take the seat.

–M60 Bus

Posted on March 23, 2010
Black People, Bus, Bus Drivers, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Race, White People

On the Bus

Here's Dr. Seuss to Explain