Asian stereotype #1: Yeah, if I'm not valedictorian, I'll definitely be in the top ten.
Asian stereotype #2: Wait, but aren't there like thirteen people in the top ten?
–1 Train
Overheard by: non-stereotype Asian
Asian stereotype #1: Yeah, if I'm not valedictorian, I'll definitely be in the top ten.
Asian stereotype #2: Wait, but aren't there like thirteen people in the top ten?
–1 Train
Overheard by: non-stereotype Asian
Teen ghetto chick: How many niggas was they? Like twelve? Do not tell James this shit, do not, ’cause he will be all ovah their asses and after he beat up the Snapple man and got arrested, he needs to stay away from that shit.
–Downtown A train, 145th st
Overheard by: brainygirl
Angry black woman: Why these motherfuckers always wearing "right for life" buttons, philosophizing and shit?
–Dallas BBQ, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike H
Student: Aborting your baby is so boring now. Everyone does it.
–Bard High School Early College
Drunk loud teenage Latina: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a minority and I have never had an abortion!
–N Train
Overheard by: g-lime
Man on cell: Oh… Oh shit… Well, can't you just take a wire hanger and pull it out? Yeah, just stick the hanger in and pull it right out! Okay? Okay. Bye.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: marge
Fabulous gay guy: So, my coworkers at Olive Garden all wanted to go out for a picnic one day. Our one friend had to work though, so we told her to tell our boss she needed to go get an abortion and she actually did it!
–Life Cafe, Avenue B & 10th St
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Suburbanite guy: I was in this relationship for, like, eight months. We were in the same, like, mental place, y’know, like we were both so gay, like “Oh, I love you, I love you.”
Suburbanite chick: Wait, gay?
Suburbanite guy: Y’know, like, corny.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Pitr
Girl: You know, sometimes I just feel like breaking down and crying.
Guy: Wanna get some pizza?
Girl: Seriously, life can be so hard sometimes, I really can’t take it anymore.
Guy: Have you considered suicide?
Girl: Fuck you!
Guy: Well seriously, you need to stop complaining about life or just kill yourself and get it over with.
Girl: Fuck you. I’m getting off at the next stop and going back home.
Guy: Wanna get some pizza?
–Q train
Overheard by: Jimmy Crehan
Subway preacher, after incoherent rant: So, can I get a ‘Hallelujah’? [Passengers silent.] Well, then can I get a ‘Thank you, Jesus!’? [Passengers silent.] Okay, then. Now I’m just going to talk to the born-again Christians on this train. Everybody else can ignore me — just like you’re ignoring Jesus!
–4 train
Overheard by: JVM
Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…
–6 Train
Overheard by: j
Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.
–NJ Transit
Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.
–Borders
Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.
–E Train
Overheard by: Nicole
College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!
–1 Train
Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell?
–E 9th & 3rd
Overheard by: Peanut
Blond: How do you spell “Columbus”? Is it with a “u”?
Brunette: Yeah.
Blond: Right, it's the country that is spelled the other way.
(pause)
Brunette: You know I never recognized the two were spelled different until you just asked that.
Blond: I only know because I slept with Colombians.
–A Train
Drunk #1: They found that homeless guy dead with $40,000 sewn into the lining of his coat.
Drunk #2: How could a homeless dude save $40,000?
Drunk #1: He’s homeless; he don’t pay rent!
–2 train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Suit: I’m always really careful when I eat so I don’t have to take it up the ass when I go to the dry cleaner.
–Organic Grill, 1st Avenue
Man: I’m telling you, what you should do is take a picture of yourself naked now and then in about two, three months, take another one and compare. Maybe keep doing that, you know? Keep a photo album documenting it. I think you should.
–F train
Overheard by: Jenni Unicorn
Man on cell: Okay, I gotta go ’cause I’m fucking sweating my dick off.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kevin Kilroy
College guy: Have you ever jacked off with your feet?
–TKTS, Duffy Square
Guy on cell: I have a blood clot in my asshole!
–15th & 3rd
Woman: He’s a good friend, but the sex is pretty awful. He a good kisser, but he has trouble further than that. I’m just not his type. I don’t have a penis.
–West 4th Street station
Overheard by: Rachel Adler
Puerto Rican guy: Second-best feeling in the world. First is sex. I
guarantee it.
–Barnes & Noble men’s room, Union Square
