White People Wish They Were Wednesday One-Liners

Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical

Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.

–Steinway St

Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: kpan

Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?

–Uptown W Train

Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.

–W 14th & 6th

Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.

–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Black People, Classroom, Colors, Friends, Girls, Hair, Height, Kids, KKK, NYU, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Kentucky Fried Wednesday One-Liners

Man to little boy: I can't believe you've never played tic-tac-toe with a chicken in Chinatown.

–52nd & Lexington

Overheard by: Ed

Hipster guy: I don't know though, I can't Indian give those chickens, can I?

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: BKLover

Older black man to himself, entering train with moving box: I got a live chicken in this box! I don't know why god gave me a chicken. He knows I don't know what to do with one. (a few minutes later) I'm gonna sell her to the butcher shop and they're going to cut that motherfucker up!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Mawy

Serious man, seeing dog carrying shopping bad in teeth: I am going to train a dog like that. I will train it to bring me chicken.

–73rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Large black dude to large black friend: Yo, man, I am so tired of chicken! I mean, yeah, I know, I'm black…but man, I ain't eating no chicken at that party man. Don't even bring no chicken by me, cause I ain't eating none. Matter of fact, I ain't eating no chicken for Black History Month. I'ma start the movement! No chicken for Black History Month!

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Posted on July 8, 2009
Birds, Black People, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Food, Friends, God, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Race, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Dirty Wednesday One-Linering

Tired thug teen, wistfully: I'd dance like crazy in a basement.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Two-year-old boy, pointing at three-month old baby: Isn't that guy in my dance class?

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Swimfan

Clueless man to friend: What do you call male ballerinas anyway? Ballers?

–Cirque du Soleil Show, Randall's Island

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Girl to friend: I didn't dance with him at all…I kept walking away from him…I wasn't actually a very good prom date.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: wink

Metrosexual on cell: Do you have a large table in your apartment? Is it large enough for five men to stand on? Of course, we won't be dancing!

–Upper West Side

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dancing, Dating, Education, Friends, Girls, Height, Kids, Men, Metrosexuals, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Teens, The Bronx, Theater, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

My Dealer Says He's Creating Brand Identity

Asian woman to large black man holding pink bag: I think it's funny that a large black man is holding a little pink bag.
Black man: It's where I keep my drugs.

–Downtown 1

Posted on July 7, 2009
Asians, Black People, Comebacks, Drugs, Height, On the Subway

Subway Preacher Tip #403: Know Your Audience.

Jamaican man: The biggest issue of our society is not terrorism but men lusting after women's butts! If you lust after women's butts you will burn in hell! Women, do not show off your butts for you will burn in hell! Do not wear jeans or tight pants! Make sure you cover up your butts!
Passenger: I love the butts.
Jamaican man: Do you have no soul? The lust of the women's butts will only bring you to the devil! Please save yourself and stop lusting after the butts!
Passenger: Who loves the butts?
All men on train: Yay butts!

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: white girl with a big butt wearing tight pants

Posted on July 6, 2009
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Men, On the Subway, Passengers, Satan, Terrorism, Threats

…Near Swaziland

Older woman: So where's Bangladesh?
College girl, looking at MTA map: Oh, I think its uptown somewhere.

–F Train

Overheard by: Nehc

Posted on July 5, 2009
Global Geography, NYC Geography, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Sorority Girls, Stupidity

I May Have to Marry That Man

Young woman to friend: And I was getting so fucking mad at my boss, so I reached into my bag and pulled out the emergency extra strength maxi-pad I always carry, and walked into his office and threw it at his face. And he looks at me calmly, picks it up, opens it up and sticks it to his desk, and then takes his bottle of water and starts pouring it onto the pad. So I scream, “what the fuck are you doing?” and he looks at me and says, “I want to see if the commercials are true.”

–Downtown 1 Train

Posted on July 5, 2009
Anger Management, Friends, On the Subway, Questions, Violence, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

When You Watch Enough SVU, You Become Impervious to Weirdos

Crazy dude with shades to woman chatting with friend: You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna blow you, suck you, fuck the two of you bitches hard, you know why? Cause I'm a faggot!
Women: (blank stare)
Crazy dude with shades: Then I can kill you, too. (maniacal laughter)
Women: (continue their jovial conversation)

–F Train

Overheard by: Craig

Posted on July 5, 2009
Crazies, Crazy, Creepsters, Guys, Laughter, Murder, On the Subway, Sex, Threats, Weirdness, Women

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Boys But Were Afraid to Ask

Guy #1: He wouldn't stop telling me to eat the cactus, so I just broke down and did it.
Guy #2: Wow, what about the needles?
Guy #1: I put it in a blender first, dumbass.
Guy #2: Oh. So what happened?
Guy #1: I drank like three quarters of it and I threw up. A lot. Like “mother of god.”
Guy #2: Sheesh, then what?
Guy #1: I passed out for about 9 hours.
Guy #2: Awesome.
Guy #1: Yeah.

–G Train