Wednesday One-Liner Like an Egyptian

Guy on cell: I'm walking down St. Marks, and I'm having psychological issues. That's why I'm calling this NYU support number.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: A preponderance of hipsters can sort of do that to you…

Stylish guy on phone: No, I do not have time to check if anyone is gesticulating at me, I'm walking to Chipotle!

–Sock Man, St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Rachel Isadora

Thick-accented gentleman: You nevah saw that movie? Penguins walkin'?

–Smith & Wollensky's Steakhouse

Overheard by: kritta

Too-tan Columbia student: Oh my god! You should totally have picked up your phone the other night because I was totally ready to, like, walk by myself down 122nd Street to the d train, alone, at like, midnight! Even though I know it wouldn't have been very safe to do that, I was ready!

–Uptown 2 Train

Woman to another, holding the strings to 100 helium balloons: You never walk my balloons!

–Lafayette & Cumberland, Fort Greene

Overheard by: Brenda

Posted on October 6, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Film, Food, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

You Sold Them to the Maid Again, Didn’t You?

Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: I want my pills!
WASPy, harried-looking mother, to staring people: She means her vitamins. Ha, ha.
Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: No, mommy, my piiiiiiiiiiils!

–102nd & Broadway

Overheard by: I Want My Pill Too

Posted on October 2, 2014
Default, Girls, Kids, Lies, Psychology, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People, Wishes & desires

Do They Have Pills to Make You Funnier?

Promoter: Are you ladies interested in a comedy show tonight?
Girl: Not tonight.
Promoter: Ya know, that's called “bipolar.” They have pills for that.

–Times Square

Posted on September 23, 2014
Comebacks, Girls, Psychology, Strangers, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers

The White Devil's Wednesday One-Liners

Older black man to nobody in particular: Ain't nothin' done changed in two-hundred years! White folks is still goin' round makin' a mess and then makin' a black man come in and clean up after them…

–Post Office, Gun Hill & Jerome, The Bronx

Asian girl: Do white people eat sandwiches for dinner?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Spec

Black teen girl: If a sister is feeding a white bitch, you know she is fucked up.

–T.G.I. Friday's

Overheard by: Chris K

Black chick: But can a Frenchman be a honky?

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter

Linguistically savvy hobo: The term "cracker" originated from a man named Robert Whitely. It was used to refer to people as "white trash".

–37th & 3rd

Latina woman to elderly mother: We gonna find you a seat soon, mami. If I gotta beat up white bitches… Let's go.

–3rd & 1st

Overheard by: j

Posted on September 18, 2014
Age/Aging, Asians, Black People, Cleanliness, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Hobos, Latinos, Men, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Post Office, Psychology, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Bronx, Threats, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

Sure, Come Sit with Us at the Manic Table

High school chick: I don’t have any problems — I’m just bipolar! [To neighboring table] Hi! Wanna hear a joke?

–Georgia Diner, Queens Blvd

Overheard by: cracking up

Posted on September 11, 2014
One-liners, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens

She Just Doesn't Want It Twice Because It Sounds Like Stuttering

Guy #1: She won't do it. She won't take my last name. It's really important to me. You just don't get it. It's the psychology of the thing!
Guy #2: You have the same last name.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Andrew S

Posted on September 3, 2014
Guys, Names, On the Subway, Psychology

Poserday One-Liners

Random hipster: If David Bowie had wheels, how much would you pay to ride on him?

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: haxromana

Scrawny hipster dude to another: All I'm saying is: I want to be in a position where I'm not liking it, and I know he's not liking it either.

–Troutman & Evergreen

Overheard by: Kristen

Hipster: I was much more desperate in Chicago.

–6 Train

Hipster kid: I'm just afraid that my sweatshirt isn't edgy enough.

–SoundFix Records, Brooklyn

Overheard by: chelce

Teenager: He's having a hard time dealing with being a hipster.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on August 26, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Guys, Hipsters, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Questions, Relationships, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I’ll Have What She’s Drinking

Eight-year-old girl drinking margarita: My daddy taught me in kindergarten, if any boys treat me like s-h-i-t, kick them in the dick!
[Five minutes later.]Eight-year-old girl: I’m gonna kill myself!

–Mexican Restaurant near Union Square

Posted on August 22, 2014
Default, Education, Gender issues, Girls, Kick, Kids, Parents, Penis, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Suicide, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

Or, Like, “I Can't Come to Work Because It's My Mom's Funeral”

Man: Ohmigod! I hate people that are like “I have boy issues because my dad molested me.”
Woman: Ohmigod, I know! It's like people who are like “I can't go to the gym because I have my period.”

–Downtown 1 Train