Grumpy old women on subway: Hey, you! I paid two dollars for this and I am tired. Give me that seat!
Teen: Umm… ahh… What the fuck?
–M Train
Overheard by: Zach
Grumpy old women on subway: Hey, you! I paid two dollars for this and I am tired. Give me that seat!
Teen: Umm… ahh… What the fuck?
–M Train
Overheard by: Zach
Little girl to mom: But mommy, what comes out of Tinkerbell's bladder?
–92nd St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Gordon D
Conductor: And don't forget to wave goodbye to me when you get off. Hey, you! You didn't wave! Can you people believe it? He didn't wave after I asked him to. So please, remember to wave goodbye to the conductor because we drive these trains, and without us you'd be taking the bus in the daylight and you vampires will burn, burn I say, burn!
–3 Train
Overheard by: I waved
Tattooed man in leather vest, to friend: I'll tell you straight up: I am an angel designed to destroy demons. (weighty pause) I have no compassion… whatsoever… for demons!
–42nd St
Overheard by: Harper
Man to friend: The problem with New York is that there are just so many places for zombies to hide.
–57th St b/w 5th & 6th
Little girl: That's not a fairy! That's a boat!
–Waiting for Ellis Island Ferry
Overheard by: Laura
Teenage girl to friend: I'm not listening to you, I'm looking for the dragon!
–Prospect Park:
Man trying to quiet down crying toddler: Shhhhh, you sound like a Wookie!
–Brooklyn Zoo
Overheard by: Snoog
Man to woman pushing button for lower floor: We're going up.
Woman: Oh my god! How do I get down?
Man: Well, the elevator comes back down once it gets up to the top, it doesn't just circle.
–Elevator, 1 Battery Park Plaza
Overheard by: shmarls
Commuter #1: Hey! I'm standing here!
Commuter #2: I just need to get around you, sorry.
Commuter #1: I'm not moving from my spot!
Commuter #2: Lady, it's not like you rent the space.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Izzy
70-year-old lady to hot chick: It's so nice to be sitting next to somebody skinny!
Hot chick: Eh…
–1 Train
Overheard by: I'm skinny too….
Train conductor: This is New York Penn Station. New York Penn. For those of you who are just waking up, this is Penn Station. If you are supposed to get off at New York Penn, wake up and get off now! (train leaves) Those of you who are just waking up: if you were supposed to get off at New York Penn Station, you just missed it! I told you to get up!
–Amtrak Train
College guy: Last night I woke up on an oriental rug and I had no idea where I was.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Hispanic lady: Quiet down, some people are trying to sleep!
–6 Train
Man to friend: She can sleep in the closet.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wait what?
Loud pharmaceutical salesman to doctor: They say that New York is the city that never sleeps, right? You know why? You know why? Herpes!
–Doctor's Office, Astoria
Woman on cell: So I walked into a room and she's there, chained to a chair. And he had a gun, pointing it at me, saying he was gonna shoot me. Then I started crying. And he fucking shot her. (people on bus look worried) And then I woke up.
–M4 Bus
Overheard by: trev
Little old black lady: Excuse me.
Metro guy in sunglasses with legs spread across three seats: (no response)
Little old black lady: Son! I know your balls can't be that big. Close your damn legs!
(other people laugh, and Metro guy closes legs)
–N Train
Teenage girl to friend: Boyfriends are so overrated, except not really because I really want one.
–Lincoln Center
Guy: I don't care if her new boyfriend is god–I will kick his ass!
–Church St
Overheard by: Steve
Guy to friend: Yeah, she's in Jamaica. How fucked up is that? She's 20 and in Jamaica with her boyfriend. I'm 25 and I'm standing on a train next to you.
–Metro-North
Art student: I wanna write a diary, like, "8:45, kill boyfriend."
–NYU
Man on street selling knockoff perfume: C'mon ladies, buy this perfume. It will help you get a boyfriend! Don't get a cheap boyfriend, get some cheap perfume!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Kiran
Girl to friend: From now on, I am only having sex with one boyfriend.
–Marlow & Sons
Old lady on bus noticing woman outside running trying to get the bus!
(bus driver stops and picks woman up)
Old lady to woman as she walks by her on the bus: See that? It's because you're good looking!
–Q43 Bus, Queens
Hyper tourist to friend: Wow! A shoe repair shop? Can we go? Please? Come on, don't you have some shoes you want shined?
–74th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Raven
Enlightened tourist: Oh! So Broadway's not just one place? It's a series of buildings? Oh, I see!
–46th & Broadway
Tourist woman walking off Brooklyn Bridge: Wow, look at how nice this is! I can't believe we paid only $24 for it!
–Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: D-Law
Tourist to another: There are so many yellow cars in New York City.
–42nd & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Lisa
Tourist: Not until high school did I know buses could make turns!
–E Train
Overheard by: Probably had to repeat a few grades
Tourist exiting subway: Did anyone lose a pass? Because I just found one.
–103rd & Broadway
