Wednesday One-Liners Fade to Black

Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister.

–14th St

Overheard by: The Reverend

Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you.

–Max Cafe

Overheard by: D to the ana

Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night!

–Whole Foods Union Square

Overheard by: bildita

Preppy girl: Is "faint" a euphemism for "boner"?

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Diana

Posted on February 15, 2015
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Choke, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Erections, Family Ties, Girls, Incest, LaGuardia Airport, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Preppies, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Count Anal

Girl on cell: I don't know what it is with me and virgins. I think I've collected like four virgin scalps.

–Q58 Bus

Overheard by: Tom

Cashier, screaming to friend cashier: But why do you have to tell everyone that he's the guy who popped my cherry?

–72nd & 1st

Overheard by: tomas

Ghetto girl: If you got finger-popped, you ain't no virgin.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Jake M

Teen boy on cell: Of course I don't have any kids! Girl, you know I'm pure–like water in Africa.

–Manhattan Ave & 123rd St.

Overheard by: CreativeBunny

Hispanic girl, loudly to a group of friends : I mean, I'm still a virgin and I have three STDs!

–Ave C

Posted on February 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Boys, Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Foreplay, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Latinos, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, STDs, Street, Teens, Upper East Side, Vagina, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Our Wednesday One-Liners in Blue

Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there?

–Outside Times Square Police Station

Overheard by: leah

Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Claire

Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o!

–38th St, Astoria

Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!"

–Lexington & 75th

Overheard by: wb

Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing?

–Bensonhurst

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Thievery, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

He Takes All His Cues from U.S. Foreign Policy Decisions

Little boy #1: I had a fight!
Little boy #2 (clearly impressed): You did? Who did you fight?
Little boy #1, gesturing at toddler in stroller: Her.
Little boy #2 (scornfully): You didn't fight her! You bit her!

–Laundromat, Brooklyn

Overheard by: little o

Posted on February 13, 2015
Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fighting and ass kicking, Kids, Laundromat, Questions

If Fox News Writers Scripted a Teen Drama

15-year-old girl #1: Are you talking politics over there? Just shut up!
15-year-old girl #2: Yeah we are–it's all about Obama.
15-year-old girl #1: What is Obama doing for me?
15-year-old girl #2: What is Obama doing for you?! I'll tell you. He's out there, trying to fight for health care to cover all of us. That abortion you need–you shouldn't have to pay for it. That shit should be covered. None of this abstinence shit.

–A Train

Overheard by: Elana

Posted on February 13, 2015
Abortion, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Health and Hygiene, Money & Class, On the Subway, Politics, President, Questions, Teens

I Try to Stay in Touch with What Ordinary People Are Thinking

Man on bike: You see those boxes over there?
Freshman girl: The white ones?
Man on bike: Yeah, you see those?
Freshman girl: Yes. Those are white boxes.
Man on bike: And you see the truck over there? With the fridge in it?
Freshman girl: Yes.
Man on bike: Okay, just checking. I thought that's what they wanted us to think. (bikes away)

–Pratt Campus

Overheard by: Pratt student

Posted on February 13, 2015
College, Colors, Default, Girls, Men, Questions, Students, Weirdness

Work Day One-Liners

Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?

–First Class Cabin, American Airlines

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.

–Cobble Hill Brooklyn

Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.

–Astor Place

20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: arielle

Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!

–E Train

Overheard by: lk

Posted on February 12, 2015
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Drugs, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Big, Fake Ones

Columbia student volunteer: So, who knows what soy milk is?
Fourth grade girls: [Silence.]Columbia student volunteer: Well, soy milk tastes like milk, but it’s made with beans.
Fourth grader: Hold the phone — beans has titties?

–P.S. 125

Overheard by: alexandra

Posted on February 12, 2015
Drinks, Questions, Rack, School, Students

Which Is Exactly What Playboy Said in Their Rejection Letter

Boyfriend: Well, what cup size are you?
Girlfriend: I'm like an A and a half and a B and a half…it sucks.
Boyfriend: So…that's a full AB plus one.
Girlfriend: You know you can't combine unlike terms!

–32nd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Kimberly

Posted on February 11, 2015
Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girlfriends, Height, Physical appearance, Questions, Words

The Fine Line Between Liar and Lunatic

Man: Oh, so she’s genuinely deluded?
Woman: Yeah, she’s not just in denial.

–Bleecker Street station

Overheard by: Brooklyn Blade

Posted on February 10, 2015
Men, Psychology, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Women

Questions