Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

–Fulton St

Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!

–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn

Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.

–Downtown 2 Train

Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!

–10th & 53rd

Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.

–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Bryan Bruner

Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.

–Metro-North Rail Tracks

Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice

Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez

Posted on October 3, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Babies, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Family Ties, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Poop, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prison, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And Is It Just Me or Does Her Tail Look Fat?

Middle-aged woman with dog, pointing at French bulldog in the distance: Look -is that puddin’?
Friend: I hate puddin’. She always wins the costume contest.
Woman: Yeah. I mean, what was it this year? Raggedy Ann? Please.

–Ft. Tryon Dog Park

Posted on October 3, 2014
Books & Writing, Clothing, Default, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Names, Parks, Questions, We Love Our Pets, Women

Which Speaker You Find More Annoying Says a Lot About You as a Person

Environmentalist with clipboard: Excuse me, do you have a minute to help save the environment?
Woman in suit: I’m sorry, I already saved the children this morning and then told the Democratic Party to go fuck themselves three blocks ago, so no, I don’t have time to save the environment today. Maybe tomorrow, hippie.

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Posted on October 3, 2014
Activists, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, Politics, Questions, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

Should We Start Over?

Black guy: You just made fun of someone with Down's Syndrome!
Hispanic girl: She kicked me!
Black guy (exasperated): Because she has Down's Syndrome!

–Union St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Chihuahua

Posted on October 3, 2014
Black People, Brooklyn, Default, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Guys, Latinos, Questions, Retardation, Weirdness

Relaxed Alertness Is Your Best Defense

Four-year-old Asian boy: Is this train going to Jamaica Center? The same as e train?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: So they need to watch out for guns?

–F Train

Posted on October 1, 2014
Asians, Directions, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Weapons

Like Michael Jackson.

Asian to another: And it's like, how many ABCs are there at NYU these day?
Girl to friend, once off train: What's an ABC?
Friend: Asian by Choice?

–F Train

Posted on September 30, 2014
Asians, Default, Education, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Words

Damn!

Guy: Is that the Smithsonian?
Girl: No, that's in Washington, DC.

–42nd & 5th

Posted on September 30, 2014
Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity

Tonight's Lifetime Movie: Dakota– Portrait of a Serial Killer

Nine-year-old girl: Mom, that kitten is so cute! Can we get a kitten?
Mother: Honey, I know it's cute, but we have to take care of the two cats we already have.
Nine-year-old girl: No, I know. I mean when they die.

–Veterinarian Waiting Room, Upper East Side

Overheard by: Ben A

Posted on September 29, 2014
Beauty, Death, Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Questions, Upper East Side, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness

When You're Wearing That Corset and Thigh-High Boots

Mom (to young girl banging on subway seat): Stop that, quiet.
Young girl: What'cha gonna do, open up a can of whoop-ass on me?
Mom: Girl, what did you say? Where did you learn that?
Young girl: You always say it to daddy.

–2 Train

Posted on September 29, 2014
Comebacks, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Weirdness, Words

Romance Is Dead, but Wednesday One-Liners Keep on Coming

Guy to girlfriend: Will you just hold my fucking hand?

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: waiting for my prince charming

Guy: You know, I used to think cheating on girls was wrong.

–Whitestone, Queens

Overheard by: Michelle

Young woman, looking at Lolita book jacket: Wow. This kind of reminds me of my relationship.

–Borders, 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: with a K

Man on cell: No, dear, I do not want to hear what you’re doing to yourself right now.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alexandra

Woman, to man she’s just kissed: What was your name again?

–2nd St & 1st Ave

Man on cell: My wife is driving me crazy! She keeps following my girlfriend around! Wait, hold on, I have to take this call. Hello…Yeah I just stepped out of the office for a few minutes… Thanks, honey, you’re the best.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Sara Swank

Girl on cell: He liked me too much, so I fuckin’ dumped him.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: buffalo

Posted on September 29, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Breaking Up, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Gripes, Infidelity, Lies, Marriage, Masturbation, Names, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

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