Hobo: Spare some change, fine-lookin' sir?
Suit: Would your name by any chance be Henry?
Hobo: Do I look like a mothafuckin' Henry? Hell no!
Suit: Well, that would be a correct assumption, as Henrys are usually successful.
Hobo: Well then, are you a Henry?
Suit, proudly: Yeah.
Hobo: Spare some change, good-lookin' Henry?
Suit: Nah.
–1 Train
Overheard by: i could've been a henry
Man: I got beat up a lot in high school. It made me a better person.
–College of Staten Island
Overheard by: Incredibly Amused
Little boy: You best lay the smackdown on that hoe!
–Times Square
Student: I don't get why everyone is making such a big deal about Chris Brown hitting Rihanna, it's not like he's the first man to ever hit a girl. Get over it, world!
–Manhattan College, Riverdale, The Bronx
Overheard by: Stephen
Girl on cell outside beauty salon: If I didn't have things to do tonight, I would totally just slap the crap out of that girl. Seriously.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: maybe tomorrow, then?
Woman on cell: I went through this with my daughter this morning. (pause) Yeah, okay, you can hit me, but you can't hit anybody else.
–Cookshop Restaurant
Girl to friend: If it weren't for my sister's dog, I wouldn't have to drink during the day.
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Kevin
Gay dude to another: It's so amazing how dogs get all up in there. Like, what if people had to introduce themselves that way? How great would it be if when I met you I had to sniff your ass?
–17th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: BT
Girl on cell: So wait, did Dr Siegel really charge you 150 dollars to chop a pimple off the dog's booty?
–Hart & Irving, Brooklyn
Girl to guy: Ever spend a lot of time with a Shih Tzu?
–MacDougal & 3rd St
Female voice outside my window: And I'm keeping the dog leg–I don't even care what you have to say!
–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Young teen: Why are all examples in my physics books about animals?
Teacher: City buses and wheelbarrows are not animals.
–Riverdale, Bronx
Overheard by: Ali P!
Little boy, looking at a replica of Michelangelo's David: Mommy, is that person naked?
Mother: Yes.
Little boy: Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?
–Arthur Ave, The Bronx
Bimbette: So my cat jumps into my bed last night, like he always does, and he snuggles up next to me and all that, and as I'm petting him, I think, “I know he loves me 'cause I take care of him and everything… but does he also think I'm pretty?” You know?
Friend: (silence)
Bimbette: I really hope he thinks I'm pretty. I mean, like, compared to the other humans he's met. Right?
Friend: You are a) a total narcissist; b) totally creepy; or c) both. I'm leaning towards c).
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Unfortunately, he's just using you for food.
Kid on first day of math class, to professor: So, what do you want us to call you?
Professor: You call me Max. But we are not friends.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: MMC 2013
50-year-old man with limited teeth: Do you know what time it is?
Attractive young preppy girl: Quarter to four.
50-year-old man with limited teeth: It's a quarter til I make sweet love to you.
–R Train
Overheard by: The mind boggles
Theater geek: So I was looking at auditions for this post-apocalyptic drama, and the ad said, "we're looking for men, all shapes and sizes. Actually no, you have to be ridiculously skinny, totally emaciated, on the verge of death. And… oh yeah, you have to have stringy hair. And be really bony. And my dad said, "you definitely need to try out for this!"
–TKTS Booth, Times Square
Overheard by: Not Emaciated
Guy: No, I didn't do the graphics–I mean, the play's about Adam and Eve, but do they put naked people on the postcard to sell tickets? No, they have a cartoon of an apple. I don't understand.
–Minetta Lane Theater
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Bathroom attendant at West Side Story: C'mon, people! Short line, long intermission! (toilet flushes) Hear that? That's music to somebody's bladder!
–Palace Theatre
Overheard by: Maggie
Audience member, at interval of Aida: Hey, this is better than Grease!
–Metropolitan Opera
Disgruntled usher: I swear by every god of Jupiter that these are your seats.
–The Ambassador Theatre, 49th & Broadway
Overheard by: The Moons of Jupiter Were Already Spoken For
Girl #1: So what did you say to your roommate?
Boy: I told her she was a fucking slut!
Girl #2: Isn't your roommate your girlfriend?
Boy: Sort of.
–Astor Place
