Questions

Young woman to friend: And I was getting so fucking mad at my boss, so I reached into my bag and pulled out the emergency extra strength maxi-pad I always carry, and walked into his office and threw it at his face. And he looks at me calmly, picks it up, opens it up and sticks it to his desk, and then takes his bottle of water and starts pouring it onto the pad. So I scream, “what the fuck are you doing?” and he looks at me and says, “I want to see if the commercials are true.”

–Downtown 1 Train

Young woman: Who wants to be a spider!?
Group of children: Yaaaaaaaaaay!

–Park Slope

Skinny gay guy: I think I tweeted about that.
Fat girl: Can we please stop using “tweeted” unless you have, in fact, turned into a bird?
Skinny gay guy: Whatevs! I'm going inside. I have to piddle.

–Graham & Frost, Brooklyn

Middle-aged socialite #1: I can't believe he forgot about the annual dinner!
Middle-aged socialite #2: He didn't forget, he just isn't coming.
Middle-aged socialite #1: Why would he not come?
Middle-aged socialite #2: Stacey slept with Rob.
Middle-aged socialite #1: Whaaaaat?

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Rob

Stressed fashionista to BFF: Do you know where I can get a decent elliptical machine for $600 for my apartment?
BFF: No. Have you tried Craigslist?
Stressed fashionista: Already tried Craigslist…maybe I just need a punching bag.
BFF: I know those are on Craigslist. Look under “personals” for “sub m looking for dominant f.”

–57th St & 6th Ave

Long haired guy: Jung would say I have a very low sensate rating.
Meathead: What? So you're retarded?

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Kid #1: How old is she?
Kid #2: Six.
Kid #1: And she's goth?

–Myrtle Ave & Washington, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Dark Lord in Training

Hipster guy: Then, she sent me all these naked pictures of herself.
Hipster chick: So what did you do?
Hipster guy: Went to McDonald's. Big Macs clear my head.

–87th & Lexington

Portly man: So what are you trying to tell me?
Skinny blond teen: He choked to death on a live hampster!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Not how I wanna go

Hipster #1: They thought it was the coolest thing they'd ever done.
Hipster #2: The firemen?
Hipster #1: The girls.

–Lafayette & E 4th

Overheard by: Jon A.