Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker

Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…

–6 Train

Overheard by: j

Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.

–NJ Transit

Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.

–Borders

Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.

–E Train

Overheard by: Nicole

College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!

–1 Train

Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell?

–E 9th & 3rd

Overheard by: Peanut

Posted on April 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Ew, Jersey, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, On the Subway, Orgasm, Pee, Pizza, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

NYU frat boy to another: Remember that time you popped that zit on my dick?!

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Overheard by: lezbotron

Older suit to younger suit: If you want people to move out of your way you just gotta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (people move out of the way) See?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brad

Thug to another, exiting a deli: The Salvation Army can suck my dick.

–Stanton & Ludlow

Overheard by: CN

Girl wearing hijab: That depends on whose dick it is!

–Hunter College, 68th & Lexington

Overheard by: off white

Posted on April 16, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Delis, Frat Boys, Girls, Hunter, Insults, Lower East Side, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Suits, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

That’s Not What You Said on the 1 Train

Six-year-old blonde girl with a Hanna Montana purse: Daddy, it’s so dark, isn’t this romantic?
Dad, nervously looking around: No, this is the farthest thing from romantic.

–7 Train

Posted on April 11, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

It's Wednesday One-Linas, Boo

Thug to girlfriend: Listen, baby, I'm not really lying, fully!

–Ave B & 10th St

Thug: Yo, I wanna go to yoga, son!

–St. Marks Place

Thug: Sometimes I look around and wonder if in my next life I might be a bird.

–1st & 3rd

Overheard by: Angela

Short thug on cell: I'm gonna get you some slippers, mami, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet!

–7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you gotta wake up and smell them Arabica beans!

–CVS

Overheard by: freshly brewed.

Thug, yelling to female companion: When you gon' let me show you some dick? When you gon' let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitches! At least we'll have something in common!

–7th Ave & 21st St, Brooklyn

Thug, excitedly discussing favorite cold stone flavor: Yo, no homo man! Peanut sensation!

–Downtown D Train

Overheard by: Raven

Posted on April 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Birds, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Coffee, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girlfriends, Lies, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Shoes, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Yoga

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: aenigma

NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.

–Forsyth St & E Houston St

Overheard by: Dave-o

Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy!

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole.

–Ale House, MacDougal St

Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jana

Posted on April 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Farting & Burping, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Licking, Lower East Side, Marriage, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Haley Joel Osment Seems to Get Worse Roles Every Year

Teen #1: Are we there yet?
Teen #2: It's right over there.
Teen #3 (screaming): I see it! I see Atlas! It's white, I see it.
Bus driver: Yeah, and I see dead people across the street…you don't hear me screaming.

–Q29 Bus, Atlas Park Mall

Posted on April 6, 2015
Bus Drivers, Colors, Death, Directions, Malls, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weirdness

I Still Can't Remember Where I Left the Baby

Teenybopper #1: I really want some gum.
Teenybopper #2: Oh, here I have some. I bought this last night because I had some beers before babysitting, and I didn't wanna show up smelling like booze.

–Downtown 2 Train

Posted on April 3, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Wishes & desires

36 Chambers of Wednesday One-Liners

Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that’s too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island.

–LIRR

Suit: He’s from Staten Island. That my Graceland.

–53rd & 6th

Overheard by: The Sock

Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad!

–G Train

Overheard by: paco

Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]

–Staten Island Ferry

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty… Or go to Staten Island.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Smarlow

Posted on April 3, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Fears, Fruit, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Staten Island Ferry, Statue of Liberty, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Suits, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Words

Especially If She Puts the Toilet Seat Up

NYU undergrad #1: Last night I heard her like just pee for the first time.
NYU undergrad #2: Yeah, the first time you hear a girl pee for the first time it freaks your shit out!

–Waverly & Washington Square North

Posted on April 2, 2015
Default, Fears, Gender issues, Guys, Pee, Sensory Experiences, Students, Washington Square Park

Are You Even Allowed to Be a Chooser?

Hobo, picking up a nervous patron's martini glass: Dang, this looks good–do you mind…?
Woman: No, it's all yours, you can have it. I don't want it anymore.
Hobo, sipping, then violently spitting vodka to the ground: Lord! This taste like shit! White folks ain't got no taste for alcohol.
Woman: That's a Belvedere martini.
Hobo: Yeah, that supposed to be good?

–30th & 3rd

Overheard by: Anniemal

Posted on April 1, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Hobos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Race, Sensory Experiences, Women

Sensory Experiences