Girl: Listen to me!
Asian emo boy: What?
Girl: This is what you need to do with your girlfriend so you can fuck her better!
–Mott Street
Girl, to no one in particular: This train is so packed! It's thrilling! It feels like sex!
Bemused Aussie: This is what it feels like? Getting crammed up against 200 of your best mates?
Girl: You're right. I must be doing it wrong…
–Packed E Train
Overheard by: Dave
Guy on cell, to girlfriend: I have such a headache in my balls right now.
–49th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Michael
Very drunk boyfriend to drunk girlfriend: If you can't stay here, talk to me and make this right! I'm gonna have to be a man, grow some balls and leave you!
–140th St & Broadway
Man on crowded sidewalk: Balls to butts, people. Balls to butts.
–Times Square
Girl to friends: I'd totally teabag him, but I don't got no balls.
–Brooklyn Heights
Drunk guy: You've had sex with a black man! That means you've definitely had sex with someone whose penis is bigger than mine!
Girlfriend: Yeah. Yeah, I have.
Drunk guy: Well, I've had sex with a virgin. Which means I've had sex with someone whose vag is tighter than yours. Ha.
–St. Marks Place
Drunk girl in Rangers jersey: You guys won't guess how old I am. (hands her ID to drunk guy)
Drunk guy: Well, you're legal… But you're not legal to drink.
–Metro-North Rail
Douche #1: Have you met Jane? She is the hottest person ever.
Douche #2: Will she sleep with me because I work at JP Morgan? Is she Asian?
–The Lion
Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!
–East Village
Overheard by: Matty Mac
Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!
–Brooklyn
Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?
–Mulberry
Overheard by: nina
Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!
–Astoria
Hipster girl to friend: I told her it was the wrong kind of plaid. Not all flannels are equal.
–Bowery & Bleecker
Overheard by: but lumberjacks are supposed to be burly men!
Hipster to another: And I was like "Do you want some nail polish for that camel toe?"
–2nd Ave
Overheard by: Shan
Hipster guy singing to self in country twang: Whennnn am I gonna get me sommmme Ugg boooooots?
–4th Ave & 13th St
Hipster guy in eyeliner and mascara: I was being facetious… I would not wear leggings.
–Jamba Juice, 13th St & University
Overheard by: helenathegreat
Hipster girl screaming on cell: I want you to want me to want to touch you!
–Columbus Circle
Young woman in need of sympathy: You have to forgive me! My mother, she fucked me up! I'm soooo fucked up!
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: stephie
Teenage girl: My mom is a fan of "wild sex" on Facebook.
–Starbucks
Girl in red jacket: It's not the whole gay thing, it's the whole sex-in-front-of-your-mother thing.
–Hudson & Varrick
Man to another, across seat: Get up! Get up, fool. Yo' momma don't love you! And if yo' momma don't love you, don't nobody love you.
–E Train
Male NYU student: Yay, my mom's picking me up!
–NYU
Overheard by: George
Gay student in freight elevator to other students: This reminds me of every romantic encounter I've ever had.
–SVA George Washington Dorms
Overheard by: Nicole
Flamboyant gay man to another: Have you taken a trip down to his passion peninsula?
–Gay Club, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Gay guy to girl on his arm, kindly: That was a waste of your breath and my time.
–Broadway & E 7th
Overheard by: Jon A.
Flamboyant, queened-out Lady Gaga-style gay: Diva, you have to promise me that when I die, you'll head straight up to my apartment and remove all my dildos and drugs so my mom won't find them.
–A Train
Gay man to another: He's a genealogist. Of course he's a bottom!
–6th Ave & 13th St
