Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!

–East Village

Overheard by: Matty Mac

Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!

–Brooklyn

Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?

–Mulberry

Overheard by: nina

Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!

–Astoria

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guidos, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Prison, Prostitution, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Store, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Tragically Hip Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster girl to friend: I told her it was the wrong kind of plaid. Not all flannels are equal.

–Bowery & Bleecker

Overheard by: but lumberjacks are supposed to be burly men!

Hipster to another: And I was like "Do you want some nail polish for that camel toe?"

–2nd Ave

Overheard by: Shan

Hipster guy singing to self in country twang: Whennnn am I gonna get me sommmme Ugg boooooots?

–4th Ave & 13th St

Hipster guy in eyeliner and mascara: I was being facetious… I would not wear leggings.

–Jamba Juice, 13th St & University

Overheard by: helenathegreat

Hipster girl screaming on cell: I want you to want me to want to touch you!

–Columbus Circle

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Hipsters, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Shoes, Singing, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

“Your Mama's So Wednesday, She's a One-Liner!”

Young woman in need of sympathy: You have to forgive me! My mother, she fucked me up! I'm soooo fucked up!

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: stephie

Teenage girl: My mom is a fan of "wild sex" on Facebook.

–Starbucks

Girl in red jacket: It's not the whole gay thing, it's the whole sex-in-front-of-your-mother thing.

–Hudson & Varrick

Man to another, across seat: Get up! Get up, fool. Yo' momma don't love you! And if yo' momma don't love you, don't nobody love you.

–E Train

Male NYU student: Yay, my mom's picking me up!

–NYU

Overheard by: George

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Apologies, Facebook, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Insults, Love, Men, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Sex, Sexuality, Starbucks, Students, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Confirmed Bachelors

Gay student in freight elevator to other students: This reminds me of every romantic encounter I've ever had.

–SVA George Washington Dorms

Overheard by: Nicole

Flamboyant gay man to another: Have you taken a trip down to his passion peninsula?

–Gay Club, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Gay guy to girl on his arm, kindly: That was a waste of your breath and my time.

–Broadway & E 7th

Overheard by: Jon A.

Flamboyant, queened-out Lady Gaga-style gay: Diva, you have to promise me that when I die, you'll head straight up to my apartment and remove all my dildos and drugs so my mom won't find them.

–A Train

Gay man to another: He's a genealogist. Of course he's a bottom!

–6th Ave & 13th St

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Comebacks, Death, Dildos and Vibrators, Drugs, Elevators, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Nostalgia, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

Wednesday All-Your-2,000-Parts Liners

Very upset girl to no one in particular: But nobody would ever fuck my eyelashes!

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Boy to another: He said he had to go and get a colon autopsy!

–84th & 3rd

Overheard by: Laura

Woman to husband: And I swear, she only has half an eye!

–Times Square

Older dude in sweater vest: It was considered the Rolls Royce of organs.

–111th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Middle aged man walking his dog at night: She had a shamrock on her face and a shamrock on her butt.

–West End & 77th St

Girl to another: Are you going to be upset if he has short arms?

–University Place

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boys, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Men, Old People, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Unless I Wore the Ronald Reagan Mask.

Guy trying to sell condoms with Obama on them: Obama condoms, folks! Only $5!
Teenage girl #1: I bet those are good for hard times!
Teenage girl #2: That's the kind of stimulus package I'm talkin' bout!
Teenage girl #1: Oh my god! You should get some for you and Bobby!
Teenage girl #2: No way! He's a Republican! He wouldn't fuck me for a whole week if I asked him to wear one!!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: i bought 2 of those.

Posted on June 27, 2010
Battery Park, Condoms, Erections, Money & Class, Parks, President, Sex, Stupidity, Teens, Vendors & Street Performers

Let's Talk About Wednesday One-Liners, Baby

Loud girl on cell: And he was like "we had sex three times, so I owe you an hour of going down on you." And I was like "okay."

–Mount Sinai School of Medicine

Overheard by: Horrified Med Student

Bro to another: Dude, she's practically paying for your train ride to have sex with you.

–W Train

College guys to another: Dude, have you fingered her yet?

–5th Ave

Attractive girl smoking and talking on the phone: Wait! Are you saying you want me to go to your hotel room… right now?

–15th St & Union Square West

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on June 23, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Always Add Up

Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don't have short term memory loss and say, "five cars, this happens all the time."

–Metro North

Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I've fucked, and have 98 kids.

–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art

Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?

–33rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Erika

Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!

–45th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Native Ear

Posted on June 16, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Friends, Gender issues, Guys, Hipsters, Hot dog stands, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Science, Sex, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Trains Not Subway, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners

What's Black and White and Wednesday One-Linered All Over?

Guy on phone on Halloween night: So I realize it's last minute, but we need a fourth ghostbuster… and you are black.

–3rd Ave

Overheard by: Supertaint

Teenage girl to group of friends: Ya know, I used to think that John Lennon and John Legend were the same person. Every time I saw John Legend I thought, "damn, that's whack that John Lennon would walk around in black face!"

–M116 Bus, East Harlem

Overheard by: NC

20-something black guy to 20-something white girl: It's New Year's Eve, baby–have sex with a black man tonight! Have sex with a black man on New Year's Eve! (girl laughs, turns to look at him) Hey–it don't have to be me! It's New Year's Eve, have sex with a black man tonight!

–Suffolk & Delancey

Passenger, about ghetto kids who just got off train: Damn, they were like the black Jersey Shore!

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: kids these days

Posted on June 16, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Laughter, Lower East Side, Music, Names, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Race, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Do This Again. 'Til Nex Time.

20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."

–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights

Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.

–St. Mark's & 1st

Overheard by: spead

White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich

Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?

–5th Ave & 90th St

30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on June 16, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, BJs, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Internet, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Lies, Marriage, Men, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Sex